 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2009-12-31 14:15
An oldie but goodie (remembering that IAAL).
Merry whatever.
In the spirit of the season as well as the both ecumenical and controversy-doting spirit of this office, I offer the following:
Please accept with no obligation, expressed or implied, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practice of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
Also a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally-accepted calendar year 2010, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "America" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability or challenge, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual or clarinet/mouthpiece/reed preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher actually to implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first; warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
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Author: Chris P
Date: 2009-12-31 14:39
Paranoid New Year!
Former oboe finisher
Howarth of London
1998 - 2010
The opinions I express are my own.
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Author: Mark Charette
Date: 2010-01-01 02:19
A Happy New Year to all ... I was thinking I was alone this New Years (wife & 1 kid in Japan right now, 1 kid in Chicago, and one attending a party at a friend's house ...)
But I was wrong 
Now, back to watching some old movies I haven't seen in a while on my new Roku ("La Femme Nikita" at the moment).
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Author: L. Omar Henderson
Date: 2010-01-01 02:40
Well, I accept any sort of new year greeting, generic at best, since I have crossed off 2009 as a lost year in my life span. 2010 will have to be a better year and I hope filled with prosperity and health for all and me as a participant in the happy crowd.
L. Omar Henderson
www.doctorsprod.com
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Author: Joarkh
Date: 2010-01-01 17:28
I feel discriminated - you did not say anything about the fact that clarinetists may prefer different ligatures. Therefore, it is quite obvious to me that your wish only is for those who play a specific type of ligature.
Joar
Clarinet and saxophone teacher, clarinet freelancer
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Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2010-01-01 18:10
Joarkh -
Look a it this way. The ligature is obviously, and by far, the most important part of the clarinet -- MUCH to important to obsess about for just one day of the year!
It's so overwhelmingly important that I didn't dare even mention it, for fear of attacks from the Metal Ligature Religion, the Leather Ligature Religion, or both.
Ken Shaw
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Author: Chris P
Date: 2010-01-01 18:22
You omitted the Fabric Ligature Religion and String Ligature Religion there, so fear the wrath!
Former oboe finisher
Howarth of London
1998 - 2010
The opinions I express are my own.
Post Edited (2010-01-01 18:23)
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Author: Curinfinwe
Date: 2010-01-01 21:18
Ah, but what about the combination ligatures? Fear the Leather/Metal Ligature Religion!
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Author: Joseph Brenner, Jr.
Date: 2010-01-01 22:07
Ken, given the tenor of the several observations above, I might suggest amendment to include: (1) a conflict-of-sentiments clause; (2) designation of a forum for resolution of conflicts; (3) a severability clause.
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Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2010-01-01 23:24
Joseph -
I prefer a merger clause. The invention of a ligature made with a combination of metal, fabric and string, melted together, should solve all problems.
Besides, since I was born with a bamboo tooth, I don't need to use a ligature at all. However, it grows 2 inches per day, so I can never skip practicing. ![[hot]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/hot.gif)
Beware the Statute of Frauds and the Rule in Dumpor's case.
Ken Shaw
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Author: Joarkh
Date: 2010-01-02 17:03
Consider yourself attacked by the Metal Ligature Religion, even though you did not mention ligatures. See, you could have mentioned it - it wouldn't have made any difference. (By the way, were you implying that ligatures are unnecessary and that those who use them should not be wished a happy new year? Due to your bamboo teeth, I feel that you are )
Joar
Clarinet and saxophone teacher, clarinet freelancer
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Author: Arnoldstang
Date: 2010-01-02 17:53
I take offense at your greeting. I'm not sure why but I have been offended all my life and feel very secure in this state. In fact I guess since it's the norm I really must admit that nothing really offends me anymore. Regarding "The best offense is a good defense" , it really doesn't work. You don't win many games by scoring 0 points. It would however make for a great Superbowl. Miami 0, Dallas 0. Do you get my lack of points?
Freelance woodwind performer
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Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2010-01-02 18:34
Arnold -
In the old game Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, when you've been killed (which happens quite often), any time you try to do something, you're met with the response "Shut up. You're dead."
So -- shut up, you're dead.
Ken Shaw
No-lance woodwind nonperformer
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Author: Lelia Loban ★2017
Date: 2010-01-03 16:08
Merry Cthulhumas and -- Is anybody else ever tempted to take the worst clarinet, the worst mouthpiece and the worst reed outside at midnight on New Year's Eve and let out the loudest possible squeaks? -- oops, I mean altissimo notes? A bad clarinet would make a great party horn!
Lelia
http://www.scoreexchange.com/profiles/Lelia_Loban
To hear the audio, click on the "Scorch Plug-In" box above the score.
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Author: Joarkh
Date: 2010-01-03 19:37
I've seen mellophones being used as entertainment at a party...
Joar
Clarinet and saxophone teacher, clarinet freelancer
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