Author: bstutsman
Date: 2007-08-21 06:31
Lots of good comments here.
I'm reminded of a once popular book, "How to Work for a Jerk".
I have worked for/with many conductors/bosses. I don't think any of them were so bad that I could not learn something from them. You might try to look past the emotional aspects and see what you can learn from this person.
Keep in mind that this person is probably acting out the way conductors were to him. It's what he has learned over time.
I don't believe you said whether or not this person is more agreeable in a one on one situation or not. Some conductors will adopt a "podium attitude", but be quite personable otherwise.
Speaking of learning, you might try this. When your relationship with this person is coming to a close, graduation perhaps, you might try confrontation. This is mostly for your own personal growth. Take him aside, alone in private, and tell him that you don't like the way he has treated you and others over time. Also tell him why.
If the group is as I think it is, you can point out to him that everyone is there as a volunteer. Also, that everyone wants to have a good experience learning and making music together, etc. Prepare your remarks well and consider any comeback he might dump on you with. Above all, stay calm, but stick to you guns. If he is unyielding, then just say that the two of you will have to agree to disagree and walk out.
This might be good practice for you in dealing with people you will meet in the future. However, these things are best done early in a relationship. In any realationship between two people, both individuals have an equal stake in the quality of that relationship. Both have equal rights in expressions about the relationship.
I am not urging or recommending that you do this. I am just suggesting that you consider it. Think of it as an experiment and a learning experience for you. In the end you must do what works for you and is in your comfort zone.
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The Clarinet BBoard
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