 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: LJBraaten
Date: 2014-04-01 09:49
Has anyone else heard news of a new cork grease being developed by Aykcirti (pronounced aik-Serty) Chemical Corp. which will be released soon? I understand that it is good news to those of us who are concerned about the impact of cork grease not only on our clarinet tenons, but also on our environment. It has the potential to be known as the only truly green cork grease. The developer of the product is an amateur woodwind player, Lee ‘Oznayim, who has been influenced by some of the discussion threads on this board. (There have been many on cork grease, including countless warnings of the dangers of petroleum products on cork, the perennial question regarding whether chapstick can be used as cork grease, even one about whether or not earwax might be used in an emergency situation, etc., etc.)
Anyway, here’s the info for those who haven’t heard yet: The product will be called Myotic Cork Slick ™, and it is packaged as a kit. It contains a small (empty) container with a screw on lid for the cork grease, a 4 oz. container of the chemical compound Slick Start ®, and cotton swabs. (This chemical is reportedly nontoxic, biodegradable, and harmless to the environment). The player places 4 drops of Slick Start ® in the container, then swirls a cotton swab with a small dab of ear wax on it in the container for several seconds. After it sets and expands for 15 minutes the result is a thick gel, a cork grease ready to apply. The thickness of the cork grease can be regulated by the number of drops of liquid or the amount or thickness of the ear wax.
It will reportedly sell for $4.01 (US), and is good for approximately 2014 applications.
Laurie
Disclosure: I am a stockholder in Aykcirti Chemical Corp, LTD (edit)
Laurie (he/him)
Post Edited (2014-04-01 15:47)
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Author: ThatPerfectReed
Date: 2014-04-01 14:48
It sounds interesting...really, but I can't help but ask, will next year's version of Slick Start be good for 2015 applications?
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Author: ThatPerfectReed
Date: 2014-04-01 15:08
wait?....Mr Braaten, with seriousness, no disrespect, and an ability to joke, or be joked upon with joviality---was your post fictional?
(Said with comic indignation and hands on hips: my joke was predicated on the factualness of your statement!!!) LOL
Did you joke the joker? Was I duped or were you serious and I was funny (as he searches hopelessly for signs of the product via google)?
Perhaps we'll never know. ![[grin]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smilie5.gif)
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Author: LJBraaten
Date: 2014-04-01 18:40
ThatPerfectReed: to respond to your second question:
and to your first comment: yes next year it would be approximately 2015, but the price will remain the same from year to year. this assumes of course, there's a new market for the product next year.
to be continued...
Laurie (he/him)
Post Edited (2014-04-01 18:42)
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Author: saxlite
Date: 2014-04-01 14:43
Rumor has it that Mr. Zog's Sex Wax can be used in a pinch.
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Author: Ursa
Date: 2014-04-01 14:58
All my life, I've been throwing cotton buds with earwax into the dustbin. Who knew that someday, they'd be useful?
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Author: LJBraaten
Date: 2014-04-01 21:03
Oops, mea culpa. I forgot to add the usual disclosure statement. I am a stock holder in Aykcirti Chemical Corp. (I have added this to the original post). I do want to assure all who are concerned that I will donate all the proceeds from the sale of Myotic Cork Slick ™ to my Band Director's wife's annual Superbowl pool.
Ursa wrote:
> All my life, I've been throwing cotton buds with earwax into
> the dustbin. Who knew that someday, they'd be useful?
That brings up an important point, it's never too late to start saving them. For those whose audiologists have warned them not to put anything in their ears (including cotton swabs), there is nothing in the product directions which would to prevent the player from borrowing some ear wax from a spouse or friendly neighbor.
On a related point, the original product plan was to produce this in a factory in red state where unemployment is high and people need jobs. Since many of the unemployed in these states are required to regularly donate body fluids for testing, it seemed like a natural fit. But there was a problem convincing people to work a for a five minute daily shift at a pro rated minimum wage. Negotiations with WalMart have also failed, so now the company is looking into opening a factory in China where these issues don't pose a problem. Until all these problems are ironed out the product will only be available in kit form.
Laurie
Disclosure: I am a stock holder in Aykcirti Chemical Corp. LTD.
Laurie (he/him)
Post Edited (2014-04-01 21:09)
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Author: fskelley
Date: 2014-04-01 22:55
Do you have a tie-in product for treating reeds? Some players use beeswax or nose grease to seal the pores, and I have been warned against cork grease for this purpose. Would a product derived from earwax be effective? Sanitary? Aromatically pleasing? Good tasting?
Perhaps you should apply for funding from art (music) sources, and/or the federal stimulus boondoggle. And surely there's a good Affordable Care Act connection. Which takes longer, to obtain coverage online, or for earwax to congeal into instrument-ready product?
Stan in Orlando
EWI 4000S with modifications
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Author: LJBraaten
Date: 2014-04-01 23:52
fskelley wrote:
> Do you have a tie-in product for treating reeds? Some players
> use beeswax or nose grease to seal the pores, and I have been
> warned against cork grease for this purpose. Would a product
> derived from earwax be effective? Sanitary? Aromatically
> pleasing? Good tasting?
>
This sounds like an excellent thing to consider! So far the only thing in the works is a similar product to convert the traces of cork grease in a tenon wipe down rag back into a usable product.
Laurie
Disclosure: I am a stock holder in Aykcirti ![[rotate]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smiley25.gif) Chemical Corp. LTD.
Laurie (he/him)
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Author: Ursa
Date: 2014-04-02 19:18
I think this product could be more effectively marketed if the term ear wax was replaced by the proper medical term cerumen.
Perhaps a cerumen-derived product to rejuvenate played-out reeds could also be developed. That would, in my estimation, represent something of a breakthrough.
I'm astonished that longtime BBoard contributor L. Omar Henderson hasn't yet chimed in on this.
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Author: fskelley
Date: 2014-04-02 15:32
With the proper investment in marketing (Super Bowl ad with supermodels and Terminator-esque hunks), every household in the USA would demand a supply of Cerumen Infused Reed Revivor with XYZABC Plus! (CIRRXP™) for $39.95 plus shipping and handling- strict limit of 3 per caller at that price. Even (especially) homes without clarinets.
Stan in Orlando
EWI 4000S with modifications
Post Edited (2014-04-03 18:05)
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Author: Ursa
Date: 2014-04-02 19:48
Stan, could you just imagine the sales stampede if a Ginsu-bladed reed trimmer were also included?
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Author: Tony F
Date: 2014-04-02 20:28
Surely a product of such obvious strategic importance could attract development funding from DARPA?
Tony F.
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Author: ThatPerfectReed
Date: 2014-04-02 22:28
Sir Laurie:
Point of clarification please for journalistic integrity.
When you say you own stock are you claiming fiduciary interest, or that you are capable of producing ear wax?
Post Edited (2014-04-02 22:46)
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Author: LJBraaten
Date: 2014-04-03 09:04
Oh, I most certainly expect to reap financial benefits. But you raise another good point, we are all in this together as potentially supplied natural resources for product development.
Laurie
Laurie (he/him)
Post Edited (2014-04-03 09:05)
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Author: fskelley
Date: 2014-04-03 18:04
I wonder if the clarinet manufacturers are prepared for the sudden huge demand for new instruments from all the purchasers of Myotic Cork Slick™ and CIRRXP™? I think we are due a percentage of the windfall profits, which the likes of Buffet will only give us if we package and sell together. Let's see- an R13 plus a lifetime supply of our products should sell for... $3999, with a strict limit of 3 per caller at that price.
We can maximize our profit by only shipping R13's that have been left behind after at least 2 yr of player tryouts. Aren't those already heavily discounted?
Stan in Orlando
EWI 4000S with modifications
Post Edited (2014-04-03 14:07)
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Author: fskelley
Date: 2014-04-03 18:17
Excuse me, I should have said "...a lifetime supply of our products plus an R13...". Let's not forget which is more important.
Stan in Orlando
EWI 4000S with modifications
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Author: Ursa
Date: 2014-04-03 20:47
Doing some digging around, I've discovered that cerumen-derived woodwind instrument lubricants were occasionally used during the time of P.D.Q. Bach.
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Author: LJBraaten
Date: 2014-04-04 21:16
Ursa wrote:
> Doing some digging around, I've discovered that cerumen-derived
> woodwind instrument lubricants were occasionally used during
> the time of P.D.Q. Bach.
Ah yes, speaking of P.D.Q., I never hear his works on the radio anymore. His music has languished since the 1960's.
Well, I'm afraid I have to report some rather discouraging news. While the initial tests for MyOtic Cork Slick (TM) were very promising, the Beta Testing got mixed results. Several batches of the substance went rancid in several days. On questioning the testers, the only significant variable was that their diet -- it seems that vegetarians and those with other special diet restrictions (which include the original tester and developer, Lee 'Ozayim), had good results. In other words, the consumption of animal fat results in a high fat product a short storage life. So unless further market research indicates a high number of woodwind vegetarians, the product is probably not feasible. Oh darn, I was hoping to put a lot of money on the N.E. Patriots next year. ![[frown]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smilie2.gif) .
On the positive side, the discussion of this product on this Board has given Lee Oznayim some new ideas about reeds. While he is lurker on this board, he certainly has ears to hear "what players need when it comes to a reed" (c). Mr. Oznayim informs me that it will take approximately a year for Aykcirti Chem. & Woodwinds to develop and produce this new product line, so stay tuned for developments. Until then, happy playing. Oh, FWIW:
Aykcirti (Because loof lirpa is already taken)
Lee 'Oznayim (a respective Hebrew name)
Happy $4.01..2014
Laurie
Laurie (he/him)
Post Edited (2014-04-04 22:22)
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