 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2014-04-01 18:55
Yamaha announced today that it was recalling all of its clarinets, and particularly those in the "Cobalt" line, marketed to schools in the American Red States, to correct a dangerous defect in the attachment of the thumb rest.
The thumb rests normally work fine, said Lirpa Loof, a Yamaha spokeswoman. However, if a player hangs a decoration on it, or uses a heavy rubber pad, the thumb rest can fall off at unpredictable moments. This has happened on several important solos and at least twice at parades where the band marched directly in front of the elephants, which flattened the clarinets to a thickness of less than 1". Unfortunately, one player tried to rescue a clarinet but misjudged the distance and was also flattened. Yamaha settled the claim for an undisclosed sum said to be well into seven figures.
In other news, it is thought that no clarinets were lost in the disappearance of Indonesia Flight 370. Pira Flool, the Secretary for Clarinet Disasters of the International Clarinet Association, said "We have combed the passenger list and our records, but we can find nothing to show that any clarinetists or clarinets were aboard Flight 370. While we of course mourn for the victims, we take some satisfaction in the continued safety of our members, in spite of this disaster."
Ken Shaw
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Author: GBK
Date: 2014-04-01 19:41
Ken's postings on 4/1 have quickly become a tradition.
Each year is better than the last.
...GBK
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Author: Lelia Loban ★2017
Date: 2014-04-01 18:28
> Unfortunately, one player tried to rescue a clarinet but misjudged the distance and was also flattened. >
Oh, this part isn't a joke! Opra Fillo says the poor guy used to sing a pretty decent tenor but now he's so flat he can't reach the lowest bass notes even if he sings falsetto -- and when he talks, nobody can hear him!
Lelia
http://www.scoreexchange.com/profiles/Lelia_Loban
To hear the audio, click on the "Scorch Plug-In" box above the score.
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Author: LJBraaten
Date: 2014-04-01 20:28
LOL Ken.
I had a thumb rest fall off my Yamaha a couple of years ago - and it happened right after a major concert. I didn't go after Yamaha, however, because I know full well it was my own fault for trying install (drill holes for) a new one without the proper tools. The whole fiasco is detailed in an old thread, lesson learned.
Laurie
Laurie (he/him)
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Author: ThatPerfectReed
Date: 2014-04-02 01:00
Unfortunately, one player tried to rescue a clarinet but misjudged the distance and was also flattened
Yamaha settled the claim for an undisclosed sum said to be well into seven figures.
==============
It's the players assumed risk under the law when he/she choose to enter the path of the elephants. Yamaha had no foreseable way of knowing that a
thumbrest malfunction could lead to a trampling incident.
The marcher clearly failed to read or abide by the owner's manual to the instrument, that indicated that said clarinet not be used outdoors given the potential of inclement weather?
And those white gloves with the open fingers the player was found to be wearing. Who is to say that the clarinet didn't slip out of the players hands prior to the alleged defect, making said alleged defect an irrelevant after the fact byproduct? Whose to say it didn't suffer trauma when the clarinet fell on the ground?
Was this an orchestra' and/or professional model instrument, as no professionals I know of get paid to march in marching bands. Clearly this use of the instrument not only was only outside the scope of the manufacturer's use, but the unfortunate demise of this player brought unnecessary and avoidable brand dilution to the Yamaha Corporation, it's affliates, partners, dealers, and subsidiaries. This is why we counterclaimed for what we did, and settled for $9,000,000 from the clarinetist's estate, the marching band, the school, the municipality, the circus, and the elephant owners.
Our recall was strictly voluntary. We have agreed to inspect clarinets but firmly believe no problem ever has or will occur with our thumbrests.
Post Edited (2014-04-02 01:01)
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Author: fskelley
Date: 2014-04-02 04:06
And the unauthorized aftermarket noxious cork grease of questionable origins surely must also bear part of the blame for the unfortunate incident. We have suspended our production of 4C mouthpieces to make room for the team of attorneys studying how to best recover from these responsible parties as well. DNA analysis of the material will help us be sure each and every contributor pays a fair share of the compensation.
Stan in Orlando
EWI 4000S with modifications
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Author: sfalexi
Date: 2014-04-02 00:23
You TOTALLY had me going until the elephant part. And it took me a second or two to stop being jealous that other High School bands apparantly got to march with elephants......before I realized.........
Well done Ken!!!
Alexi
US Army Japan Band
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Author: fskelley
Date: 2014-04-02 04:29
I have read (and written) a few posts here on other days than April 1 that are equally suspect. Just sayin'
Stan in Orlando
EWI 4000S with modifications
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Author: Funfly
Date: 2014-04-02 19:31
My Yamaha manual says that it is not to be played indoors while having a shower.
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Author: LCL
Date: 2014-04-02 15:47
I apologize for being critical, but there is no humor associated with MH 370!
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Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2014-04-03 07:03
LCL -
Actually, I thought the exchange of a young player's life (when crushed by an elephant) for mere dollars was in much worse taste.
The second one comes from Monty Python: News for Voles: No voles were injured in a crash on the A12 today. News for Hedgehogs: No hedgehogs were injured. . . .
Ken Shaw
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