 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: DrH2O
Date: 2008-02-01 18:30
How common is it for kids to bail on lessons at about 13?
My daughter is in 8th grade, and after 2 years of private lessons wants to call it quits on the lessons, but not the clarinet.
She's (by her choice) in school band (during school day), school symphony (once week before school), and a local junior youth wind ensemble (once a week evenings) and loves participating in those groups.
This year however, she became increasingly reluctant to practice and as a result went to several lessons unprepared, which she really hated because she really likes her teacher. Now she wants to quit lessons altogether citing lack of time and her dislike of practicing. She still wants to do band and the youth wind ensemble in high school so she isn't giving up music altogether, she just hates to practice!
I have no intention of forcing her to continue, since it's supposed to be fun and not a chore. I also see no reason to waste the teacher's time and my money if she doesn't practice, but I wonder if it's common for kids this age to step away from lessons and if so, do they tend to come back later when they emerge from the puberty hormone haze and they can better appreciate what lessons do for them?
On the roller coaster of parenting an adolescent,
Anne
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Author: DavidBlumberg
Date: 2008-02-01 18:47
It really is!! I wouldn't give it up quite yet. What you can do is to have her take every other week lessons for a while and for the teacher to work her on sightreading skills more so than prepared work.
Can really make a difference in both her playing as well as her attitude.
Sometimes life gets in the way of practicing and an understanding/talented teacher can work around that when needed.
If she were a performance major, and older it would be a whole different story.
http://www.SkypeClarinetLessons.com
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Author: GBK
Date: 2008-02-01 19:15
DrH2O wrote:
>How common is it for kids to bail on lessons at about 13?
Very common.
Unfortunately, in my experience (30+ years private teaching) if they stop private lessons in Junior High, they will not restart.
I ALWAYS tell parents of my very young students that if we make it through 7th and 8th grades, chances are they will continue (and make excellent progress) until high school graduation.
Lots of distractions arise in Junior High and the musical instrument often suffers as one of the first casualties.
One thing that the teacher can do during this period is to make a lessons a bit more student oriented than teacher oriented.
There will be plenty of time for Rubank, Klose and Rose starting again in 9th grade. Put them on hold for a little while. Make the student look forward to coming. I often let them bring their own music in (Pirates of the Caribbean, any of the Disney movies, etc...) especially if it has a play along CD to work with. We also do little elementary jazz tunes, jazz exercises, and duets to foster a quick sense of accomplishment.
I also try to have the student perform for the parent during the last 10 minutes of every lesson. Parent praise is more valuable than teacher praise.
Pull out all the positive reinforcement techniques you can muster and there is a good chance you won't lose the student...GBK
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Author: EEBaum
Date: 2008-02-01 19:43
Save for a couple summers on flute and a half dozen "this is where your fingers go" lessons on clarinet, I didn't take lessons until I was a couple years into college (shortly before declaring a music major).
I played in school ensembles and had instructor-led sectionals from 3rd grade on. There's plenty of time, and let the kid know that lessons are available if they ever want to start up again.
Yeah, looking back at it, I played like crap for much of that time. But I thoroughly enjoyed the playing I did, and managed to pull things together and play at a much higher level at the university.
-Alex
www.mostlydifferent.com
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Author: Taryn
Date: 2008-02-01 21:10
I refused to take lessons until I was 18..even then, I didn't take them seriously or practice for them until I was 20. I look forward to them now, but dreaded them a few years ago.
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Author: DrH2O
Date: 2008-02-02 11:51
Thanks for the feedback. If she really wants to quit, so be it, but I prefer not to have her stop when she's feeling so negative about lessons in general. She's been doing the traditional finger exercise/scales/etude approach that required lots of prep for each lesson so I like the idea of some lessons that don't focus so much on prepared work for awhile to bring the pleasure back into the equation.
David suggested sight reading and GBK suggested bringing in her own music and some jazz exercies and duets.
Any other ideas on productive things to do during lesson time that don't involve lots of at-home practice? I contacted her teacher and she is understanding and willing to try a new approach for awhile.
Anne
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Author: pewd
Date: 2008-02-02 15:28
I agree with the above - if they stop now, they probably will give it up for good. And this is quite common.
Try Duets.
I have several students that will actually practice duets, but wont practice the exercises. So we play increasingly more difficult duets.
We sight read one the first week, then play it again a week later - hopefully they've practiced it.
Sometimes I ask a few of the students to perform them on a recital with me.
A thread a month or so ago mentioned the L.A. Clarinet Institute - there are some fun duets posted on that site which can be downloaded for free. Have her go through the downloads, and pick one to play with her teacher; e.g., let her select the music.
- Paul Dods
Dallas, Texas
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Author: Ed Palanker
Date: 2008-02-02 16:33
Hi, I like Paul’s suggestion. I began playing clarinet at age 12, wanted to play like Benny Goodman. By age 13 I stopped taking lessons but after half a year began to miss them and started up again with a different teacher. I didn't practice much until my junior year in HS when I decided I really wanted to pursue music. I used to tell my mother that I played in band and didn't need to practice that day but I did enough to sort of prepare my lessons. Once I got serious in my junior year of HS I began practicing a lot, and even more in college. I know play in the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra and teach at the Peabody Conservatory of Music.
When I taught younger students and they didn't want to practice much, not an uncommon problem, I would always use duets and tunes, popular or standard songs that the student wanted to play. There are probably lots of songbooks printed. I used to use one called the 20 Time Hit Parade, long time ago. When they had trouble with the "tune" they would usually come back the next time playing it better because they wanted to be able to play it. Ask her teacher if they are willing to "teach" less and play duets more as well as more songs. Maybe even going to every other week. What ever you do, your right about not forcing it, it doesn't work, encouragement does.
Edward Palanker, Peabody.jhu.edu/457
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Author: Bob Phillips
Date: 2008-02-02 16:47
When I taught at the Kline School in Sacramento, I had mostly Jr. High students --got the studio owner's turkeys for the most part --with a couple of diligent students tossed in to keep my interest high enough to deal with the other dozen kids.
Those "typical" kids did not practice much or at all between lessons. Usually, their parents would hang around for the half hour (being no nearby distractions that could be fit into a half hour).
I used duos a lot --having the student play both parts. We made ALL the student's week's progress during lesson time. The parent in the waiting room could notice the bit of improvement, and continue to pay the bill; and I was able to continue to earn read and music money.
My boss was happy, I was so-so, the parents were ok, and the kid skated.
All of these kids played in school bands and several were members of the Youth Band.
Unfortunately, I moved and did not follow up on any of "my" kids to know how long or effectively they continued playing.
Bob Phillips
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Author: Chalumeau Joe
Date: 2008-02-02 17:25
Sounds like there's a major disconnect between what your child and her teacher find satisfying during the lesson. A "good" lesson from the teacher's perspective may be wildly different from that of the student's. GBK's suggestion to make the lesson oriented more toward the student than the teacher is sound advice.
My son has been taking guitar lessons for 8 years now, and he has a wonderful guitar instructor (BTW, my son is quite an accomplished player). Some of his more memorable lessons included those when the guitar wasn't ever touched. For example, my son came home excited after one of his lessons, saying that it was one of the best he'd ever had. I was slightly taken aback when my son told me the lesson consisted of him and his instructor taking a walk in the woods to talk about some philosophical aspect of medieval lute music. Not quite what I had imagined a music lesson to be like; however, this proved to be extremely motivational to my son and he approached his practice at home with great gusto that evening. He's had several similar experiences with this instructor, whom I credit with being exceptionally-well attuned to what my son needs to keep him going and consistently achieve mutually-satisfactory lessons.
I contrast this to my own private lessons experience more than 35+ years ago. I had three different instructors over a 6 year period. Each one of them was heavy on technique (Klose, Kroepsch, etc.) While I certainly recognized the importance of developing technique, the lessons weren't fun, and I eventually quit them at about age 15, but remained in band and wind ensemble through graduation. Yes, I was good (1st chair), but the "satisfaction" in the lessons definitely didn't go both ways.
Be heartened that your child still loves the instrument and the music, but ask her (if you haven't already) what SHE'D like to get out of the private lessons.
Joe
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Author: JDJ
Date: 2008-02-03 02:10
Put Mozart K622 on your playlist. If that does not inspire a desire to practice, nothing will.
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Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2008-02-03 12:51
My wife says she hated to dry the dishes. Her grandfather, who lived with them, said he would do it if she practiced piano while he dried. Somehow, it always took him half an hour. . . .
Another possibility is to have her best clarinetist friend play duets after school and then the two of them can take them to her lessons.
Ken Shaw
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Author: JJAlbrecht
Date: 2008-02-03 14:32
DrH2O, do you play, too? If so, have you played any duets with her to show her that it can be fun? THat might give her incentive to play at home a little more, ands you can gradually work up the level of difficulty, so that she might be inspired to work on some more difficult tasks at lessons. You never know.
Jeff
“Everyone discovers their own way of destroying themselves, and some people choose the clarinet.” Kalman Opperman, 1919-2010
"A drummer is a musician's best friend."
Post Edited (2008-02-03 14:33)
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Author: JJAlbrecht
Date: 2008-02-03 16:20
"This year however, she became increasingly reluctant to practice and as a result went to several lessons unprepared, which she really hated because she really likes her teacher. Now she wants to quit lessons altogether citing lack of time and her dislike of practicing. She still wants to do band and the youth wind ensemble in high school so she isn't giving up music altogether, she just hates to practice!"
One other point: If she doesn't really want to practice, how will she fare in those groups? I am guessing that without regular practice, she will not only not improve, but will also begin losing some of her current skills/abilities. Practice is not always fun, but without it, you can never do a proper job of playing the music and succeeding at the project.
Jeff
“Everyone discovers their own way of destroying themselves, and some people choose the clarinet.” Kalman Opperman, 1919-2010
"A drummer is a musician's best friend."
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Author: DrH2O
Date: 2008-02-05 02:05
Thanks for the additional thoughts. She's going to stick with it for the time being with lessons every other week and focusing on playing with her teacher, getting help on her ensemble pieces, and whatever else she and her teacher cook up.
She hasn't needed to practice much at home for her various groups, but as the rest of the kids advance and the material gets more challenging I expect that will change and may motivate her to both practice that material and move to more technical lesson content to improve her technique. She really does enjoy the ensemble playing so that may ticket.
I've just been playing fro about a year, so I'm still very much a beginner, but it would be fun to play duets with her. I'll see what she thinks of that idea.
Anne
Clarinet addict
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Author: claritoot26
Date: 2008-02-05 15:04
Great suggestions above by Paul, Ed, and GBK. Duets and music that the student chooses can definitely help with motivation. Since your daughter is continuing with ensembles, I would also suggest she bring her band music to the lesson. I find that when my students aren't prepared with their exercises and etudes, they are usually more prepared with their ensemble music, since they meet several times a week at school. They're usually motivated to play this stuff well because it's a group experience instead of individual. Just my 2 cents....
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