Author: Meri
Date: 2002-07-30 20:34
What you are going through is probably not a crush on your teacher, but a transformation on the relationship that you have with him. It is unfortunate that you see the opportunity to deepen the relationship with your teacher as an advance on you, when the signs point otherwise, considering how open he is with you about his personal life. The fact that you know that he talks about his interests, his family and that you know his wife and that you can comfortably talk to him about your personal life should tell you that he truly cares about people. How long have you been with your teacher? Have you felt that both you and your teacher always or almost always give your best at lessons? Do you find that the teacher/student relationship is enhanced or diminished by the fact that you and your teacher know each other on a more personal level? In many cases, I think it enhances the teacher/student relationship: when students see their teacher as an ally, they are more willing to do what is asked by the teacher, and not have discipline problems, with the result that students make better progress. When students see their teachers as adversaries, they are not as willing to do what is asked of them, and discipline issues arise. Such a transformation is natural when a student and teacher have been with each other for at least several months and have given each other their best at lessons. And it is normal to feel the suffering of someone you deeply care about. It sounds like he certainly did not mean to make you angry, some people like to reveal a more human side of themselves.
As for writing the poetry, it may be the most comfortable for both of you to express your feelings to each other, especially if you know that both of you have been writing poetry before you knew each other. If, however, you are not comfortable with the idea of writing poetry to each other, then say that to your teacher. If he cares, he will understand that you are not that conmfortable with it. The same goes for whenever he says or does something that makes you feel uncomfortable. If he's smart, he won't repeat his mistakes.
So, use common sense. Appreciate that your teacher deeply cares about you, and is very open and honest with you. There are very few people like that, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. You may just have a friend for life. Do not let fear of the potentially bad things prevent you from experiencing the joy of a potentially powerful, positive relationship.
Meri
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The Clarinet BBoard
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