 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: dave
Date: 2002-06-01 19:59
TOP THIS!!!
1) As a 5th grader I broke my horn in half because I kept squeeking!
2) I used to hit lightning bugs (fireflies) in my front yard with
my clarinet; I couldn't find my bat.
3) I once took all the keys off my horn to see if I could put them
back on. I couldn't.
4) This one's bad! When learning how to reface mouthpieces, I
bought a bunch of junker mouthpieces to practice on. I
later found out on of them was, and I mean WAS a Chedville!
The only good part of that was I only paid a dollar for it!
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Author: Wes
Date: 2002-06-01 20:08
Yes, I've done a lot of stupid things but I just don't have the guts to admit it. One thing was to believe my violinist band director that one should oil the keys with olive oil. I did it and they became totally gooped up and hardly would move.
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Author: Corey
Date: 2002-06-01 20:23
one question-- why would a violinist be a band director?? that doesn't make ssense to me at all!
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Author: RA
Date: 2002-06-01 22:02
I don't believe I can top any of these off but my ligature is a flexible one not makde of fabric sliver and dummy me puts it inbetween her legs while adjusting the barrel and mp and bends it. I'm still waiting after four and a half years to get another one.
Ra
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Author: Ron
Date: 2002-06-01 23:05
You mean the SAME person did all FOUR of those stoopid things? If so, here are some suggestions:
1. Make a lamp out of your pristine Selmer Centered Tone! Just add base, fixture, and shade.
2. Use your clarinet as a giant straw to drink beer (you're old enuff now, right?).
3. Put lighted cigarettes in the finger holes and try to smoke a half a pack at the same time.
Once you're on a roll, keep it moving!!
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Author: Laurie
Date: 2002-06-02 01:17
My best friend took my clarient to the beach to take pictures for a CD cover... The pictures came out amazing, however I still cry when I see the photo of my poor clarinet submurged in the water....
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Author: ron b
Date: 2002-06-02 02:39
I never found a reason to mess with my instrument but I can't resist a comment here regarding band directors.
Our seventh grade band director was also a violinist in the local philharmonic orchestra. At parade times, our school orchestra converted to a marching outfit. String players metamorphosized into percussionists (with two bell lyres! . To the best of my recollection we won no awards - ever, in the entire history of the school - but our director showed us how to make it fun
Believe me, whatever their primary instrument, school band directors work very hard for every penny of their salary.
Looking back now, Mrs. Greenhaw must've had the patience of a saint with a cast iron stomach and nerves of steel. Although she put up with very little nonsense, she was consistently kind in allowing anyone who so desired, an opportunity to participate in the 'music program'. In addition, she was choir director - as well as confidante and counselor to many a troubled young person. Yes, looking back, I know now that Mrs. G. taught much more than music.
The question has been raised, 'Why would a violinist be a band director'?
I don't know, exactly, but it makes perfect sense to me.
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Author: David Pegel
Date: 2002-06-02 03:03
Unscrewed my thumbrest - to see what the holes looked like, and then proceeded to see what playing without one felt like.
I've always been the slightly more lenient one when it comes to instrument care. It's part of my overall personality. (That's what we blame EVERYTHING on here in TN.) I've grown more responsible over the years, but I still have that annoying habit of ruining good reeds by leaving them on the mouthpeice, small things like that.
Put all those together, and the stupidest thing that I've ever done is not learned from my mistakes on instrument care!! (Unless it's someone else's horn...)
David Pegel
(Still looking for the other thumbrest screw... ;] )
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Author: T.Banks
Date: 2002-06-02 22:07
My band director told me that a father of one of his former students tightened all of the screws on his daughters clarinet until they wouldn't move because they were all "loose"
(As you all probably know, the screws on a clarinet aren't supposed to be screwed in really tight.)
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Author: John
Date: 2002-06-03 02:47
I've played at many, many dances. At times i looked for something to add a little excitement. For some reason I had a latex glove in my case (don't ask). I discovered that it fit nicely around my bell and, while closing all of the keys, I could inhale and draw the glove into the clarinet. And, I could still play! Then, when an unsuspecting couple came dancing my way, I would finger low E, fill up the glove, which then extended out from my clarinet, and waved at them! I caused many a fine dancer to miss a beat with that one!
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Author: IHL
Date: 2002-06-03 12:43
got me beat. All I've ever done is
*drop it
*drop it again
*knock a potplant over when I was swinging it around to dry it out (lost my spitrag), the bottom section came unstuck and went flying
*would you believe it actually survived that?
student instrument. built tough
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Author: Danette
Date: 2002-06-03 14:47
In a fit of pre-teen angst, slammed the bell and the bottom joint together on my brand new buffet and chiped the wood.
Did the same thing 2 months later.
My parents began to rethink the logic of giving a nice (well, decent) clarinet to a 13 year old.
Still have the clarinet, still play it, still has the chips out of the bottom joint!
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Author: Bob
Date: 2002-06-03 15:01
One of my band directors was a violinist....why anyone would think such was strange is a mystery to me just as why anyone would not treat one's clarinet with respect.
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Author: bob gardner
Date: 2002-06-03 15:04
Bob in reply to the above he answer is------they didn't have to pay for it. Mom and Dad put out the money so it is FREE. End of story.
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Author: John
Date: 2002-06-03 17:39
in fourth grade and fifth grade i used to slam my clarinet against my hard oak bed end everytime i would squeek or make a mistake. thankfully i grew up by the time i got my wooden clarinet.
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Author: ron b
Date: 2002-06-03 18:05
I must back up to something I remember now, from sixth grade, that I hadn't remembered earlier on this topic. I knew that you could 'adjust' your instrument a little by slightly bending a (nickle silver) key or two. I wanted to show off my expertise to my neighbor, David, who was a beginner and having a little difficulty. I knew his instrument must need a little 'adjustment'. That's when I abruptly discovered that some keys at that time were made of pot metal. Fortunately, replacement keys were also cheap :(
Back to the present. My wife ('cellist), who teaches high school English, brought this thought to mind yesterday...
Because of massive cutbacks in school funds for music (arts) programs, music jobs are not plentiful. When art programs are cut, orchestras are usually one of the first to get the axe. There is currently a woeful lack of programs that include string players (I'm talking violin family, not guitar etc.). Violinists have to earn a living too. It's not surprising that some would migrate to band instruction - far better that having your auto shop teacher in charge, wouldn't you think?
Don't snicker - it has happened :| (and some of you think you have grounds for complaining now....)
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Author: Lindsey Ondrey
Date: 2002-06-03 23:05
In JR high I accidentally dropped my clarinet off the risers when class was over when I was trying to get down (I was a clutz) and the resin body broke in half....
In HS I dropped my clarinet and majorly bent the keys just moments before the Honor Band concert... good thing another teacher had a spare with him...
The most stupid thing I've ever seen though, was not done by me. It was done by a fellow classmate while I was a SR this freshman clarinetist (if he could be called that) came in. His parents were forcing him to be in band and he hated it. He proceeded at every concert to throw his selmer signature to the ground in an attempt to break it. At one point I wanted to offer him my clarinet (resin) which was much more easily broken in exchange for his clarinet so I could have something decent to play on but that idea never came through. I think he eventually did break it beyond inexpensive repair and his parents let him drop music. Why anyone could hate music so much to try and kill a nice instrument I'll never understand.
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Author: Cindy
Date: 2002-06-04 04:15
1. I was practicing my clarinet and set it out by the couch to go get the phone. I got wrapped up in a conversation and had to eat dinner, so forgot the clarinet. Next day, I grabbed my case and went to school like normal. At band I discovered there was no clarinet in the case!
2.similar to a post above, I felt I knew plenty about how to fix a clarinet. My friends clarinet had a few screws fall out and keys fall off, and I was sure I could fix them because I knew where they went. Well, I didn't. So, I tried, then told her that she had "ripped" a spring (don't ask me how she did that) and had to get a pro to do it.
3. The best of mine. I have always been very careful with my nice clarinet (above was when I had my cheap student one). So, I really really didn't want to march with what was my nice clarinet. But, I did not own the student model, and couldn't get a loaned one. So, I had to use my "wonderful" wooden yamaha to march. I would never let anyone touch it, and would always take it home and lay it on a towel at practice. Well, I soon discovered that I do not have the best coordination when it comes to climbing stairs. I triped, my clarinet fell between the bleachers, and I got to stress out until the end of the show, when I got to crawl under the bleachers and retrieve my clarinet. Though it was only slightly hurt, that was bad!
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Author: Jane
Date: 2002-06-04 05:07
It didn't happen to me, but the two girls in band sitting next to me hated eachother. One day one squeaked and the other hit the bell of her clarinet really hard. It cut the roof of her mouth, and she had to get 10 stitches, not to mention a new mouthpiece.
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Author: Danette
Date: 2002-06-04 13:54
Sometime kids do stupid things, not because they disrespect the instrument or don't understand the value of money, but b/c they are kids and full of insane hormones.
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Author: Bob
Date: 2002-06-05 15:03
One usually learns something best through experience that involves pain or one's pocketbook. I currently play in some bands with mixed age groups. I am always amazed at kids who leave their instruments lay on their chairs during breaks.... either naively assuming that the music gods will protect it or not giving a dxxx because they didn't have to pay for it.
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Author: jim lande
Date: 2002-06-06 00:54
1) Any number of eBay purchases. (The size of the number depends on who you ask in this household.
2) driving away with my R13 on the roof. (For about 10 seconds, that is.)
3) College: Why have a big clunky case when you can get this neat holster style case (circa 1900) that fits on your belt and makes it look like you are carrying a sawed off. Then walk on Ice. The bell ended up with two huge cracks. Oddly, a couple layers of strapping tape -- the mono filament type -- and it played about as good as new.
4) Resoldering a post to a metal Buffet clarinet. Turns out the posts were soft soldered. I didn't have a light enough touch. One key back on, three off. (And chuckles from the pro who had to make it right.)
5) Last year in Blues Fantasy Camp (age 50), I am on-stage, we're doing a Stevie Wonder tune (the band has whipped out shades) everybody is jumping around and when the hand clapping part starts I start shaking my horn. The bottom fell off. (Silva Bet -- small dent in bell.)
stooopid don't wear out
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Author: Swing Band Queen Katai Katai
Date: 2002-06-26 07:46
I' ve busted people across the face with my clarinet. The poor instruments already on its last legs, it was really beat up already when I got it, and I don't think I'm helping its condition any.
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