 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: Danielle
Date: 2002-05-12 03:54
my private teacher is an absolute control freak...I've been with her since september, and she's my first private teacher...I'm at the Manhattan School of Music prep division, and I really have improved tremendously over the year. however, she tells me how to wear my hair for concerts and auditions, called my favorite shoes "indecent", told me today to dress more "conventionally" for an upcoming orchestra auditions (i really don't dress unconventionally), and won't let me have much of a say in the pieces that i play. the upcoming orchestra audition is for the prep division orchestra, and she is placing a lot of importance on it. i was just accepted into the westchester youth symphony, and i also play in a local community orchestra and in my school band and orchestra. i really don't care about being in an orchestra there, and would much rather take oppertunities presented to me at MSM to play in smaller, chamber ensembles, like i did this year...I'm in a jazz combo, a woodwind ensemble, and a woodwind quintet. I enjoy small ensembles much more, because you can develop great connections with your fellow musicians.
anyway, there have been several more incidents like this...my teacher emails me several times a week, leaves long messages on my and my mom's cell phones, and faxes my dad at least once a week. it's great that she's so involved, but it's driving me crazy!! she also picks out all of the solo music that i play, i've been playing the telemann sonata in c minor for a year, and i really don't like it...i'm only 14, shouldn't she let me have some say in the music that i'm playing?
wow, i really went off on a ranting tangent. anyway...is it normal for your teacher to be so controlling? . i am staying with her next year, but after that i definately want to switch to the other teacher at the prep division. it's really frustrating me, because i'm a very independant person, and i like at least choosing how i wear my hair!
Danielle
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Author: HAT
Date: 2002-05-12 12:59
Not normal, but refreshing to see someone in a big city who cares that much!
Sounds like you lucked out.
David Hattner, NYC
www.northbranchrecords.com
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Author: gemmaelizabeth
Date: 2002-05-12 13:48
Maybe you should consider getting a new teacher if she really is driving you mad..... it could turn you off music all together. There is enthusiasm and then there is control freak.......
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Author: jbutler
Date: 2002-05-12 14:21
Appears she is trying to give <b>you</b>the attention she did not receive when your age. I think she is investing time in you because she sees something in you that she wants to cultivate, for a lack of better term.
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Author: GBK
Date: 2002-05-12 15:17
Let's look at the facts:
1. You live in Westchester
2. You can afford private lessons
3. You attend a prep division program at MSM
4. You play in a youth symphony
5. You play in a community orchestra
6. you are in a jazz combo, woodwind ensemble and quintet
7. At 14, you have your own cell phone, computer, and access to a fax machine
and:
besides all of that, someone doesn't like your shoes????
Stop whining....and count your blessings!!! ...GBK
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Author: William
Date: 2002-05-12 16:25
If you are going to refer to yourself so often, you should learn to capitolize your "i"'s--like, I. Just one of my pet peeves--along with self-indulgent whinning. Like stated above, your "evil" teacher must see a lot of potential in you to care so much how you appear and sound. Learn to play by the rules now, with the knowledge that when you are old enough, you will be able to break the rules that you want to, musically and, hopefully, more intelligently. Until then, Good Clarineting!!!!! (good luck with your audition)
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Author: Mitch A
Date: 2002-05-12 17:59
You might assume she knows what she's talking about... but, perhaps fewer nudges during the week would be better for all concerned.
Just say so, and if she doesn't get the hint, find another teacher.
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Author: John
Date: 2002-05-12 22:31
You have what some people like to call problems of abundance.
Consider yourself blessed and be grateful for the guidance you are receiving. Later on in life you may understand how wonderful it is to do things that make others happy!
By the way you must be an incredibly gifted musician. Self-discipline is an invaluable asset when combined with God-given talent.
Do you blow so hard when you play a sonata?
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Author: diz
Date: 2002-05-12 22:54
Just read this was going to add my two cent's worth, then I realised Danielle is only 14 - a lot of teenagers have problems with parents or controlling adults - it's all a part of growing up (emphasis here).
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Author: Danielle
Date: 2002-05-12 23:08
I've read over what I wrote, and all of the responses I've recieved (see? I'm capitalizing my "I"'s...). I realize that in the message I posted, I didn't really mean to or want to sound as ungrateful, whiny, selfish, or bratty as I did. I really am thankful that I can attend MSM, which is my absolute favorite place in the world. I'm thrilled to have all the oppertunities that I have, like being able to play in all of the ensembles that I do, and have a ton of fun. I never called my teacher evil, and I do like her. I'm glad that she's this involved...I just wish that she would not, for instance, comment on my shoes or hair, which are not, within my limited experience, an important part of playing the clarinet...
Danielle
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Author: T.Banks
Date: 2002-05-13 00:25
LET your teacher choose your music-believe me she knows best. My teacher and I made the mistake of letting me choose my own music. Well, I ended up going from a leval 4 solo to the Mozart Concerto, a 6. Learning that piece of music was very hard. But I did finally preform if decently and am now up to a leval six. At the time though, I was not ready and it would have been easier and a better idea to play a 5. (to ease in and not push it too much)
good Luck
T. Banks
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Author: Mark Charette
Date: 2002-05-13 00:54
Danielle wrote:
>
> I just wish that she would not, for instance,
> comment on my shoes or hair, which are not, within my limited
> experience, an important part of playing the clarinet...
Appearance is part of the performance.
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Author: John
Date: 2002-05-13 01:47
Your appearance reflects your ATTITUDE. Escpecially for auditions, attitude is going to be considered. A first impression starts before you play a single note.
When playing for freinds or informal recitals by all means wear whatever you like. But, you would be wise to defer to your teacher's judgement when your auditions are concerned. Remember, like it or not, you are also a reflection of your instructor.
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Author: Linus Travelli
Date: 2002-05-13 02:13
wow...i wish my teacher was like yours.
i would love someone to comment on all aspects of performance, even clothes. i suck at picking out clothes!
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Author: Bill Underwood
Date: 2002-05-13 03:15
Danielle,
You are to be commended for opening yourself up for so many to give their take on your issues.
I have found that the most expensive things I have are the experiences I have accumilated over a long life.
I also know that while these cost me dearly, I will give them away for free to whomever wants them. Few are interested so only a very small amount of the gold leave the vault.
It has been my experience that the people I like and have found cool have benifted me little in the long rum. The ones who I have reacted to and those who have laid may strips on what was often an exposed and unprotected back have brought me the most personal gain.
Your teacher honours you by being so open with her insights. Many times the issue that is being address is really only "their way" of trying to get you to see something about yourself that they can only see with their spirit.
One of the misforturnate things about the well meaning people who praise talent and ablity is that they leave a false impression that sucess in life comes for ablity. My experience tells me that sucess comes from the blending of the many different character qualities that are developed in a persons youth. I have seen presious few failures that came from a lack of ablity. Those that have come from lack of good character are in the thousands.
Have you tried talking with your parents and in the process giving them the liberity to be open and frank with you about it is that your teacher's response to you really addressing. What early on course direction might be being suggested that could steer you away for damger and into blessing.
May God Bless YOu and Lead you to the Knowlege of Himself.
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Author: james
Date: 2002-05-13 10:37
As being near the end of my high school carreer (going to be a senior) here is what i have to tell you. I would be so happy if my teacher called me everyday! She is to busy being super clarinetist of the world. If i don't call her for a lesson thats my loss not hers. If you want to even get more better, you will listen to her and do exactly what she says becuase trust me, her way is going to be much better than any type of way you come up with. She has the expierence and knowedge. If you are willing to pay for the lessons, be willing to take her good advice. If you won't take her good advice, then why even both taking lessons?
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Author: Suzanne
Date: 2002-05-13 21:18
My teacher makes suggestions on what to wear to auditions, and picks all my music (I'm a grad student), and though I sometimes buck against it, I realize in the long run that he usually has wisdom and experience behind his suggestions, and that if I just listen to him for now, the time will come soon enough when he is no longer my teacher and I can make my own decisions.
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Author: Kat
Date: 2002-05-14 02:06
I've been through the whole spectrum...auditions (although not pro ones...), recitals, concerts, etc....
NONE of my teachers EVER had a thing to say (suggestion or otherwise) about my clothing or hair....
Personally, unless you're wearing jeans (ratty or otherwise) or worse for auditions or concerts, I don't think it's any of her business...
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Author: Dee
Date: 2002-05-14 02:12
Kat wrote:
>
> I've been through the whole spectrum...auditions
> (although not pro ones...), recitals, concerts, etc....
>
>
> NONE of my teachers EVER had a thing to say (suggestion or
> otherwise) about my clothing or hair....
>
>
> Personally, unless you're wearing jeans (ratty or otherwise) or
> worse for auditions or concerts, I don't think it's any of her
> business...
It may not be any of her business but she has the knowledge to give advice on what will make the best impression. And make no mistake, that first impression as you walk out will bias the judge for good or bad. Even in recitals or concerts, your audience will pre-judge you by how you look. To think otherwise demonstrates a lack of knowledge on how the world is compared to what we wish it were.
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Author: Kat
Date: 2002-05-14 20:21
I got the impression from Danielle's statement that she is dressing just fine, and that her teacher is being inordinately picky about precisely what she wears. I stand by my point; as long as one is "presentable" (i.e., clean and well turned out), the teacher should have no say. Again, I'm operating under the assumption that the situation is something like Danielle wanting to wear her hair up for the audition, and the teacher wants her to wear it down. Please advise if I'm wrong, Danielle!
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Author: Kristen D.
Date: 2002-05-14 21:54
Have you tried simply talking to your teacher? As long as you
approach the situation in an honest way without making accusations,
she may react positively. Communication is a very important
part of studying with someone and if a few little things are
bothering you, then maybe you should hear her side of the spectrum
in order to understand what she is thinking.
I'm a graduate student studying performance and for the first time
I have a teacher who is helping me with ALL apsects of the musical
world. She also chooses music for me and I do get to put my two
cents in quite frequently. However, at your age, your teacher's
judgement is probaby best when it comes to repertoire. Once you've
talked with her, I hope you will appreciate some of the things she
is trying to help you with.
Best of luck,
Kristen D.
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Author: Paul
Date: 2002-05-15 00:43
Most teenage girls and boys think that what they're wearing is fine. But usually it is not. But again, most teachers that audition 14 year old students understand this. They've seen it all (everyday). Maybe your teacher is trying to tell you something that will give you an edge over the other students. You must remember that "Dorks" run the country. And most successful people including people in symphonys are Dorks. Dress fashionable, but not faddy, and you will have a mature presents at the audition that will give you a leg up. Paul
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Author: Danielle
Date: 2002-05-15 01:26
wow-I really sparked a discussion here! Thank you, everyone who responded to this.
Kat really hit it right on the mark-my teacher is picky about petty issues, like wearing my hair up or down...it takes up lesson time, even though she always lets me out a late anyway, making me constantly late for my following class, theory. And Paul-I'm sure that your advice is for every teenager at this board, but many (in fact, most) of the adolescent musicians that I know ARE "dorks", even though they are the coolest people I know! We really mostly know how to dress "fashionable, not faddy" for auditions, and my teacher is the only one who's ever told me that what I was wearing was unsuitable (or, in the case of my beloved bowling shoes that I would NEVER wear for a recital, indecent...)
Danielle
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Author: Paul
Date: 2002-05-15 20:46
Danielle, you sound like a terrific kid and you're probably dressing just fine. And your probably right too that your teacher is a little controling. Do what you want. Anyone at your age playing the music that you have stated is doing something right and has discipline. If you have thick enough skin make a game out of it. Ignore 5% to 10% of your teachers advice. Just smile when she make a statement that you might not agree with a say "I will consider that. Thank you." And move on. This will also teach you how to stand-up for yourself later (and now) in life. But I have to agree alittle bit with some of the other post that it's nice to have a teacher so involved in your progress. Anyway, good luck and God Bless! Paul
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Author: Dave Dow Symphony nb
Date: 2002-05-18 16:52
Students must trust the teacher and give them a little leeway...but the dressing thing is only advice to be helpful...also remember we are making music and if their is too much control we lose something...but if you trust and learn a great deal you could end up with far worse teachers who want to rob you blind....
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