 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: Utter Failure
Date: 2019-03-05 12:24
I feel that I have PTSD now because I never made state in high school while the people whom I dislike severely did. They even bullied me when I didn't make it, and this is one of the reasons why this is so traumatizing. I'm planning to make a comeback in college but I fear that I will fail again and embarrass myself. My life sucks. I did practice the etudes a lot for All-State, but I didn't make it. Could it be that I don't have talent in music while the assholes who did make state do have talent? I don't want my life to be like this anymore but I feel that it will.
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Author: bradfordlloyd
Date: 2019-03-05 15:42
You're a good person and people care about you. You need to talk to someone.
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/
We're just a bunch of clarinet players, and most of us would tell you that there's much more to life than clarinet and certainly more to life than state honors bands.
God bless you. I hope that you find the help you need. The link above is a great start.
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Author: Chetclar
Date: 2019-03-05 16:50
I have a friend who is a Principal wind player in a major symphony orchestra who never made the All-State band in high school. Talk to someone about your issues.
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Author: Paul Aviles
Date: 2019-03-05 16:50
The first thing is to realize that you HAVE made important contributions to the world and others in your life, some of which you may not even be aware. Everyone is interconnected with everyone else just by being. You fill a unique and important place in life.
As someone that went through very similar circumstance I can say it is also helpful to keep in mind that the only way to improve or have successes in life is to continue experiencing life. There is no one pursuit or one perceived special relationship that can define the entirety of life for a person.
Turn to your friends and loved ones. Talking it out will help.
...................Paul Aviles
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Author: Steven Ocone
Date: 2019-03-05 17:37
A former employee of mine never made all-state. After high school he got a music scholarship at college that paid his tuition (maybe his fees too - I'm not sure). He is now a successful musician living in Brooklyn.
Steve Ocone
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Author: Tobin
Date: 2019-03-05 17:51
You are more than the sum of those auditions, and your musical life is far from over. I never made all-state and I make a “full-time” salary teaching 26 hours a week and freelancing.
Don’t give up. And speak with a professional about your frustrations and experiences.
Gnothi Seauton
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Author: Ken Lagace
Date: 2019-03-05 18:05
Life will be full of failures. Talk to any really successful adult and they can go on and on about the failures they endured. All the people on this site have had many failures as you can tell by reading the posts. Think of each failure as a step up the success ladder.
And by the way, bullies aren't the type of people you want to hang around with or believe. You deserve the best. Just cross them off your list of good people and keep your distance from them.
Good Luck!
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Author: DavidBlumberg
Date: 2019-03-05 20:42
New York Philharmonic Principal Trumpet never made a Summer Music Festival.
People bullying you won’t have highly successful lives, as they are a🥜holes.
They will limit themselves by their negative attitudes.
I’d be happy to give you a lesson, no cost, to give you a boost of not only confidence, but to see what not beating yourself up feels like.
Don’t let All State have any meaning at all - it’s purely a numbers game.
http://www.SkypeClarinetLessons.com
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Author: dorjepismo ★2017
Date: 2019-03-05 23:36
Never so glad about anything as when I got out of high school and realized I would not involuntarily have to put up with jerks messing with me for no apparent reason, ever again. Later, of course, I spent three years in the Army, but even that wasn't as bad. Once people have convinced you to stick around, consider finding a really good teacher to work with. It's hard to know how much potential you have until you work with someone who's put the different elements of playing together and can transmit that to students in a systematic way.
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Author: Tom Piercy
Date: 2019-03-06 06:41
Mr. Charette has given you the best advice.
Follow it.
Tom Piercy
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Author: Philip Caron
Date: 2019-03-06 07:55
Your impressions are being distorted by depression. Follow what Bradfordlloyd and Mark Charette said, and talk it out with a professional in treating depression. It's your best chance, and the sooner the better: the thing doesn't get better by itself. And going to college depressed can totally suck, trust me. Make the contact, the lifeline for sure unless you have immediate access to another professional. It's not a big ordeal to do, it's deciding to live godamnit, and without all the weight and distortion.
Then later you can refocus on the music aspect, and by all means take David up on his excellent offer of a lesson, he's a highly regarded teacher. But tackle the depression first, make that first contact.
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Author: Bill
Date: 2019-03-06 08:09
I like you already. Instinctively. I think you have the love and talent the others lack.
Bill Fogle
Ellsworth, Maine
(formerly Washington, DC)
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Author: Episkey
Date: 2019-03-07 01:49
So very applicable to your situation- I NEVER made the audition band for All-State. But when the SAME kids would audition for a different festival I did make, I always ranked highly among them. But not good enough for the audition-only band ran by the state's music ed association?
Again, as Blumberg rightly said, it's a numbers game. 1000%.
I am now a professional clarinetist in the military bands. I dealt with the imposter syndrome that you're wrestling with right now for a long time, and I think you have a big support system here on the board, if you wish to utilize us.
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Author: AlmaM
Date: 2019-03-07 04:34
First and foremost, get help for your depression. You have your whole life ahead of you and you are too precious. I remember a motivational speaker in high school telling us, “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” That’s so true because this is VERY temporary. Even though it stings right now, not making All-State will eventually seem to be so trivial. It will be so trivial because you’ll go to college and realize, get this, that it doesn’t matter if you did or didn’t make All-State! I have had several students who didn’t make TMEA All-State receive big scholarship offers, so one doesn’t determine the other. Heck, I’ve had kids get scholarships who didn’t make or even audition for region. They simply played well in their college audition.
Try to stay away from those who are bullying you. Hide/unfriend/block anyone on social media who makes you feel inadequate as a musician or, most importantly, a person. Also, set up your accounts to where they can’t see your posts.
You’ll be glad to know that the TMEA All-State audition process resembles no other audition that you’ll ever do again. Never again will you hammer away at only three etudes for six months. I tell my students that each band event (tegion, s&e, etc.) is a different kind of “game” and different ones require different skills. Not placing at the top of region or area certainly doesn’t make you an inadequate musician.
In addition to getting professional help, I would also suggest that you do something to rekindle the love you have for music. Perhaps go to a professional orchestra concert, attend the ICA convention this summer, find some summer masterclasses, go take some lessons with tne teachers at the schools you wish to attend, etc. There is so much more to loving and having a career in music than whether or not you made All-State in high school.
Best wishes!
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Author: hartt
Date: 2019-03-07 07:46
seemingly your issue is not with TMEA but rather your experiences with TMEA brought latent issues to fore.
Take Mark's advice....and don't walk
you can start a turn around by by getting a more positive name............'utter'failure is a cow that can't give milk
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Author: Dan Shusta
Date: 2019-03-07 10:18
Dear Original Poster:
I congratulate and applaud you on the courage it took for you to express your feelings of suicide on an open, public forum. Even though you did so anonymously, it still took a lot of guts to do so. Kudos to you!
Now, take another courageous step and contact https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ as others have mentioned above.
Yes, you failed 4 times to accomplish a cherished goal. No, you are not a failure!
The two simply do not equate!
For example: Thomas Edison's teachers said he was "too stupid to learn anything." He was fired from his first two jobs for being "non-productive." As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, "How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?" Edison replied, "I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps."
You are not alone at failing in life. Please seek help immediately!
THEY NEVER GAVE UP! https://www.uky.edu/~eushe2/Pajares/OnFailingG.html
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Author: ClarinetRobt
Date: 2019-03-07 20:26
Another point, everyone progresses at their own rate. I've known a lot of All-Staters that faded in college; they honestly peaked in HS and never improved to the 'next level' in college. Conversely, I know a lot of non-all-staters that blossomed in college and left everyone behind.
Focus on the long term. I have feeling your tenacious enough to prove to your self and everyone else you got the goods! Now go break a reed! Best of Luck!
~Robt L Schwebel
Mthpc: Behn Vintage
Lig: Ishimori, Behn Delrin
Reed: Legere French Cut 3.75/4, Behn Brio 4
Horns: Uebel Superior (Bb,A), Ridenour Lyrique, Buffet R13 (Eb)
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Author: GOAT of Clarinetists
Date: 2024-03-13 03:09
Isn't it funny how the people who made the top chairs at TMEA All-State aren't playing clarinet anymore? It's like they know they don't have talent for it. I knew this kid when I was in 12th grade and he was in 10th grade and he literally treated me like garbage when I didn't make it. He made the symphony orchestra at TMEA in 10th grade and made the National Youth Orchestra in 12th grade. I looked him up later and he said he quit clarinet and went to do some science field which he'll never be successful in. Turns out he had no talent whatsoever. He was so passionate for the clarinet. He had these expensive-looking clarinets with gold-plated keys from Backun in 9th grade. Glad to know All-State doesn't mean anything, but I'm still very salty about it as it could have drastically improved my self-confidence if I had such expensive clarinets. My reputation wouldn't be in the toilet now.
Post Edited (2024-03-13 03:15)
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Author: moma4faith
Date: 2024-03-13 03:45
https://988lifeline.org Call the 988 national lifeline and talk to someone. Reaching out to us is a good first step. Now, reach out to folks who can help you through these feelings. You are worth so much more than you realize at this moment.
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Author: Mark Charette ★2017
Date: 2024-03-13 04:06
Resurrection of a 5 year old thread, but still apropos.
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Author: GOAT of Clarinetists
Date: 2024-03-13 04:06
I know I'm worth more than a lot of people. I just like talking trash about this worthless contest. I need an outlet. It's just so funny how an R13 can fix a lot of problems. I wish my high school teachers told me that my clarinet at the time was garbage, but they were so greedy about money that they didn't. It's screwed up.
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Author: HaroldWirght
Date: 2024-03-13 06:25
Why are you so bitter? you are not 'worth more than a lot of people', the world is not against you and you will not find peace in that lifestyle.
Post Edited (2024-03-13 06:26)
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Author: HaroldWirght
Date: 2024-03-13 06:27
you honestly sound like a narcissist.
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Author: GOAT of Clarinetists
Date: 2024-03-13 06:34
I'm very bitter because this contest completely ruined my reputation in high school. I'm worth more than a lot of people because I have better goals than they do and my intelligence was measured in the top 1%. I've always felt this world is against me. People don't like ambitious people like me, so they'd try any way to stop me from achieving and when I lose they'd laugh at me. I can't find peace if I don't get the life I want. I know I have the talent to win clarinet contests, but this bitterness is weighing me down. I hate having to start at the very bottom when I didn't have to.
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Author: GOAT of Clarinetists
Date: 2024-03-13 06:35
Narcissism can get you very far in life. It helps having your own clarinet teachers screw up everything because they're jealous.
Post Edited (2024-03-13 06:39)
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Author: ghoulcaster
Date: 2024-03-13 07:10
A moment of silence please for the forgotten clarinetists like “GOAT of Clarinetists” (GOAT=grumpiest of all time) whose reputations fell to ruin because they didn’t have gold plated keys to give them “drastically improved self confidence”, oh, poor souls sabotaged in life by the greed and jealousy of their band teachers (a notoriously greedy and jealous lot)
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Author: GOAT of Clarinetists
Date: 2024-03-13 07:21
Cool that you're not very ambitious. Didn't ask though.
I remember I had this clarinet teacher who got very salty about someone posting the TMEA clarinet etudes on YouTube way before him. Massive ego.
Post Edited (2024-03-13 07:30)
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Author: GOAT of Clarinetists
Date: 2024-03-13 08:03
I think I can teach clarinet better than him, because I actually know that you need a $4k clarinet to stand a chance at making All-State. Pretty sad to say given his many years of teaching. I cannot believe he wasted my time.
Post Edited (2024-03-13 08:05)
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Author: RBlack
Date: 2024-03-13 08:50
I never won a single competition or festival the entire time I was in my undergrad.
However, in my graduating year, I suddenly found I was on a winning streak, leading all the way to my country’s national woodwind division for the year. (Which by the way, I won playing on a 40 year old $1500 USD equivalent instrument).
My point being, it doesn’t matter, and it doesn’t mean anything about your value. Just do your best, and see where it leads.
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Author: GOAT of Clarinetists
Date: 2024-03-13 08:58
Maybe it's easy in your country, but at TMEA it's very competitive that it's impossible to get in without an expensive instrument. I knew this ahole who got 63rd chair at All-State with an R13. It's that competitive, and I know that I would have been in the symphony orchestra if I had an R13 or better. It's just sad that it never happened, and my mental health would be a lot better now.
Post Edited (2024-03-13 09:09)
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Author: ghoulcaster
Date: 2024-03-13 18:56
What clarinet were you playing?
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Author: Mark Charette ★2017
Date: 2024-03-13 19:30
I'm closing this thread. Reopening a thread that was a call for help from 5 years ago that had essentially one answer - get help - has devolved quickly into a spat. We don't need that.
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