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 Contemplating Suicide because I didn't make the TMEA All-State band for FOUR yrs
Author: Utter Failure 
Date:   2019-03-05 12:24

I feel that I have PTSD now because I never made state in high school while the people whom I dislike severely did. They even bullied me when I didn't make it, and this is one of the reasons why this is so traumatizing. I'm planning to make a comeback in college but I fear that I will fail again and embarrass myself. My life sucks. I did practice the etudes a lot for All-State, but I didn't make it. Could it be that I don't have talent in music while the assholes who did make state do have talent? I don't want my life to be like this anymore but I feel that it will.

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 Re: Contemplating Suicide because I didn't make the TMEA All-State band for FOUR yrs
Author: bradfordlloyd 
Date:   2019-03-05 15:42

You're a good person and people care about you. You need to talk to someone.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/

We're just a bunch of clarinet players, and most of us would tell you that there's much more to life than clarinet and certainly more to life than state honors bands.

God bless you. I hope that you find the help you need. The link above is a great start.

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 Re: Contemplating Suicide because I didn't make the TMEA All-State band for FOUR yrs
Author: Chetclar 
Date:   2019-03-05 16:50

I have a friend who is a Principal wind player in a major symphony orchestra who never made the All-State band in high school. Talk to someone about your issues.

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 Re: Contemplating Suicide because I didn't make the TMEA All-State band for FOUR yrs
Author: Paul Aviles 
Date:   2019-03-05 16:50

The first thing is to realize that you HAVE made important contributions to the world and others in your life, some of which you may not even be aware. Everyone is interconnected with everyone else just by being. You fill a unique and important place in life.


As someone that went through very similar circumstance I can say it is also helpful to keep in mind that the only way to improve or have successes in life is to continue experiencing life. There is no one pursuit or one perceived special relationship that can define the entirety of life for a person.


Turn to your friends and loved ones. Talking it out will help.




...................Paul Aviles



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 Re: Contemplating Suicide because I didn't make the TMEA All-State band for FOUR yrs
Author: Steven Ocone 2017
Date:   2019-03-05 17:37

A former employee of mine never made all-state. After high school he got a music scholarship at college that paid his tuition (maybe his fees too - I'm not sure). He is now a successful musician living in Brooklyn.

Steven Ocone
Ann & Steve's Music

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 Re: Contemplating Suicide because I didn't make the TMEA All-State band for FOUR yrs
Author: Tobin 
Date:   2019-03-05 17:51

You are more than the sum of those auditions, and your musical life is far from over. I never made all-state and I make a “full-time” salary teaching 26 hours a week and freelancing.

Don’t give up. And speak with a professional about your frustrations and experiences.

Gnothi Seauton

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 Re: Contemplating Suicide because I didn't make the TMEA All-State band for FOUR yrs
Author: Ken Lagace 
Date:   2019-03-05 18:05

Life will be full of failures. Talk to any really successful adult and they can go on and on about the failures they endured. All the people on this site have had many failures as you can tell by reading the posts. Think of each failure as a step up the success ladder.

And by the way, bullies aren't the type of people you want to hang around with or believe. You deserve the best. Just cross them off your list of good people and keep your distance from them.

Good Luck!

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 Re: Contemplating Suicide because I didn't make the TMEA All-State band for FOUR yrs
Author: DavidBlumberg 
Date:   2019-03-05 20:42

New York Philharmonic Principal Trumpet never made a Summer Music Festival.

People bullying you won’t have highly successful lives, as they are a🥜holes.
They will limit themselves by their negative attitudes.

I’d be happy to give you a lesson, no cost, to give you a boost of not only confidence, but to see what not beating yourself up feels like.

Don’t let All State have any meaning at all - it’s purely a numbers game.

http://www.MyTempoMusic.com

http://www.skypeclarinetlessons.com/about.html


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 Re: Contemplating Suicide because I didn't make the TMEA All-State band for FOUR yrs
Author: Mark Charette 2017
Date:   2019-03-05 21:50

Never mind the platitudes or anecdotes. Go here. Now. Contact me if you want, but I'm no professional in health care.
Do.Not.Delay

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/

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 Re: Contemplating Suicide because I didn't make the TMEA All-State band for FOUR yrs
Author: dorjepismo 2017
Date:   2019-03-05 23:36

Never so glad about anything as when I got out of high school and realized I would not involuntarily have to put up with jerks messing with me for no apparent reason, ever again. Later, of course, I spent three years in the Army, but even that wasn't as bad. Once people have convinced you to stick around, consider finding a really good teacher to work with. It's hard to know how much potential you have until you work with someone who's put the different elements of playing together and can transmit that to students in a systematic way.

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 Re: Contemplating Suicide because I didn't make the TMEA All-State band for FOUR yrs
Author: Tom Piercy 2017
Date:   2019-03-06 06:41

Mr. Charette has given you the best advice.
Follow it.

Tom Piercy

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 Re: Contemplating Suicide because I didn't make the TMEA All-State band for FOUR yrs
Author: Philip Caron 
Date:   2019-03-06 07:55

Your impressions are being distorted by depression. Follow what Bradfordlloyd and Mark Charette said, and talk it out with a professional in treating depression. It's your best chance, and the sooner the better: the thing doesn't get better by itself. And going to college depressed can totally suck, trust me. Make the contact, the lifeline for sure unless you have immediate access to another professional. It's not a big ordeal to do, it's deciding to live godamnit, and without all the weight and distortion.

Then later you can refocus on the music aspect, and by all means take David up on his excellent offer of a lesson, he's a highly regarded teacher. But tackle the depression first, make that first contact.

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 Re: Contemplating Suicide because I didn't make the TMEA All-State band for FOUR yrs
Author: Bill 
Date:   2019-03-06 08:09

I like you already. Instinctively. I think you have the love and talent the others lack.

Bill Fogle
Ellsworth, Maine
(formerly Washington, DC)


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 Re: Contemplating Suicide because I didn't make the TMEA All-State band for FOUR yrs
Author: Episkey 
Date:   2019-03-07 01:49

So very applicable to your situation- I NEVER made the audition band for All-State. But when the SAME kids would audition for a different festival I did make, I always ranked highly among them. But not good enough for the audition-only band ran by the state's music ed association?

Again, as Blumberg rightly said, it's a numbers game. 1000%.

I am now a professional clarinetist in the military bands. I dealt with the imposter syndrome that you're wrestling with right now for a long time, and I think you have a big support system here on the board, if you wish to utilize us.

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 Re: Contemplating Suicide because I didn't make the TMEA All-State band for FOUR yrs
Author: AlmaM 
Date:   2019-03-07 04:34

First and foremost, get help for your depression. You have your whole life ahead of you and you are too precious. I remember a motivational speaker in high school telling us, “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” That’s so true because this is VERY temporary. Even though it stings right now, not making All-State will eventually seem to be so trivial. It will be so trivial because you’ll go to college and realize, get this, that it doesn’t matter if you did or didn’t make All-State! I have had several students who didn’t make TMEA All-State receive big scholarship offers, so one doesn’t determine the other. Heck, I’ve had kids get scholarships who didn’t make or even audition for region. They simply played well in their college audition.

Try to stay away from those who are bullying you. Hide/unfriend/block anyone on social media who makes you feel inadequate as a musician or, most importantly, a person. Also, set up your accounts to where they can’t see your posts.

You’ll be glad to know that the TMEA All-State audition process resembles no other audition that you’ll ever do again. Never again will you hammer away at only three etudes for six months. I tell my students that each band event (tegion, s&e, etc.) is a different kind of “game” and different ones require different skills. Not placing at the top of region or area certainly doesn’t make you an inadequate musician.

In addition to getting professional help, I would also suggest that you do something to rekindle the love you have for music. Perhaps go to a professional orchestra concert, attend the ICA convention this summer, find some summer masterclasses, go take some lessons with tne teachers at the schools you wish to attend, etc. There is so much more to loving and having a career in music than whether or not you made All-State in high school.

Best wishes!



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 Re: Contemplating Suicide because I didn't make the TMEA All-State band for FOUR yrs
Author: hartt 
Date:   2019-03-07 07:46

seemingly your issue is not with TMEA but rather your experiences with TMEA brought latent issues to fore.
Take Mark's advice....and don't walk

you can start a turn around by by getting a more positive name............'utter'failure is a cow that can't give milk

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 Re: Contemplating Suicide because I didn't make the TMEA All-State band for FOUR yrs
Author: Dan Shusta 
Date:   2019-03-07 10:18

Dear Original Poster:

I congratulate and applaud you on the courage it took for you to express your feelings of suicide on an open, public forum. Even though you did so anonymously, it still took a lot of guts to do so. Kudos to you!

Now, take another courageous step and contact https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ as others have mentioned above.

Yes, you failed 4 times to accomplish a cherished goal. No, you are not a failure!

The two simply do not equate!

For example: Thomas Edison's teachers said he was "too stupid to learn anything." He was fired from his first two jobs for being "non-productive." As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, "How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?" Edison replied, "I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps."

You are not alone at failing in life. Please seek help immediately!

THEY NEVER GAVE UP! https://www.uky.edu/~eushe2/Pajares/OnFailingG.html



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 Re: Contemplating Suicide because I didn't make the TMEA All-State band for FOUR yrs
Author: ClarinetRobt 
Date:   2019-03-07 20:26

Another point, everyone progresses at their own rate. I've known a lot of All-Staters that faded in college; they honestly peaked in HS and never improved to the 'next level' in college. Conversely, I know a lot of non-all-staters that blossomed in college and left everyone behind.

Focus on the long term. I have feeling your tenacious enough to prove to your self and everyone else you got the goods! Now go break a reed! Best of Luck!

~Robert L Schwebel
Mthpc: Behn Vintage, Lig: Ishimori, Reed: Aria 4, Legere Euro Signature 3.75, Horns: Uebel Superior, Ridenour Lyrique

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