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Clarinet Playing Found to Scramble Synapses

Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2017-04-01 18:48

Normal woodwind instruments (flute, oboe, bassoon and even saxophone) overblow at the octave. This makes the fingerings of the registers match. By contrast, the clarinet overblows at the twelfth, producing unmatched sets of fingerings.

A study published today in the prestigious medical journal The Lancette has shown that the unmatched fingerings produce serious clashes in the synapses that interfere with the entire range of thinking. The author, Herr Professor Doctor Lirpa Loof, of the University of Southern North Dakota, found startling gaps in the reasoning of clarinetists that made them practically unable to follow normal paths of reasoning. "Thank goodness I switched from clarinet to kazoo in the Second Grade," he said. "otherwise I would have stayed a damn fool all my life."

In other news, Donald Trump has been discovered to be a secret clarinetist. This explains his strange Twitter postings, and many other things.

Ken Shaw

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