 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: jan
Date: 2001-05-26 12:39
hi guys,
i had somethin kinda weird happen. last weekend while i was giving a clarinet lesson i got the news that my sister had been in a serious car accident. the car had those firestone tires (we didnt realize bcuz it said Affinity really big and firestone really small) anyway, the car crossed all 3 lanes of hwy, flipped a couple times, the windshields blew and it landed in a ditch upside down. only thing that saved her life was the seat belt. she only had minor injuries.
the incident triggered some kind of deep depression in me. before it happened i was really into clarinet..playing, teaching, learning, practicing. i work all day and as soon as i get home, practically before i have my coat off my clarinet is going together and i have a reed in my mouth. usually practice for hours.
i totally didnt want to after the accident..and i didnt make myself. i just didnt. i notified my teacher about what had happened and asked if i could skip my lesson. i told him i would go to cl.choir rehearsal (the day after my lesson) becuz i know other people are depending on me.
i went to choir but felt sick and wish i hadnt. i did really bad and it hit me how i am like the worst one in the group. not becuz i was depressed or not feelin well, im just not as good as the others. we have a recital at the end of the month, i keep messin up. i feel like i dont belong now. i want to stay in choir next semester becuz it pushes me and helps me become better but i dont want to set everyone else back either.
after class my teacher asked me if i was ok. i just started crying, rite there in front of everyone! stupid. he said it was good that i went.i dont think he liked it that i skipped my lesson.
just a few weeks ago i was all enthused about becoming more involved in music. making it a semi career with getting more private students and i even had a teacher at an elementary shcool tell one of the choir members to give him a call. my teacher was very supportive and we talked about things i could do to be more involved. he said he doesnt usually encourage this type of thing and if music was my ONLY interest than to go for it. ......now, i think i want to do some other things that interest me altho i know i will never be into them as much as music. mainly art and photography.
it has been nearly a week. i am very very depressed. i cant seem to snap out of this.i dont feel like giving lessons and putting on a happy face for the children. or practicing..my clarinet sits and i have no ambition to take it out..Very unlike me!! i am rambling. im sorry. the question.....my teacher knows what happened. but he doesnt realize what a hard time i am going thru emotionally. its kinda stupid since i wasnt the one in the accident but i feel like it affected just as much. should i talk to him about this?? or should i just go to my next lesson like everything is fine even tho its not. is it appropriate to talk about it?
jan
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Author: jerry
Date: 2001-05-26 13:42
"...my teacher asked me if i was ok. i just started crying, rite there in front of everyone! stupid......i dont think he liked it that i skipped my lesson."
Jan, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Not long ago I totally wiped out my car (because of side effects to medication) and although I was not seriously enjured, I too (at age 58 at the time) had crying spells afterwards. I don't recall how long it took me to get over the self-doubt but it was 5 months and four DR's. later before the cause was discovered (and it was not discovered by any of the DR's., by the way - that's another long story).
Then too, I doubt that your teacher was less than empathetic with your situation. I'm sure he understands and expects that you will soon be back on top of things.
If you continue to feel depressed, discuss it with your DR., but I assure you that this will pass. You may need to put clarinetting aside so that "not doing well" in practice does not contribute to your depression. Give yourself a break and get to feeling better (you might practice with the MP and barrel to keep your embouchure strength up).
Best wishes, Jan,
~ jerry
BTW ~ How's Sis?
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Author: Pam
Date: 2001-05-26 13:45
First let me say that I'm not a psychologist, but a light clicked on for me when reading your story. You were playing the clarinet when you received the bad news about your sister being in the accident. Maybe somehow, not even conscously, you have associated what you felt at that moment with all your music-making and that's why it is hard for you now.
This is just my 2 cents worth. It may not hurt to find someone you can talk to about this whether professional or not. A brief explanation to your teacher is probably in order, depending on what kind of relationship you have with him.
I hope you can work this out.
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Author: Mark Charette
Date: 2001-05-26 14:29
Jan,
What you've said certainly meets the textbook symptoms of clinical depression. If you could talk to a professional therapist even just once it would probably help. Or possibly a clergyman or even your parents.
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Author: ron b
Date: 2001-05-26 23:09
Jan -
Please listen to the advice so far and talk to someone who will Listen and help you sort things out. There's more to this than just the present circumstance. As Mark suggests, seek out a therapist, a clergyman, parent(s) or a friend - someone who can help you get a better over all look at things... your relationships. Most, if not all, of us have been touched at one time or another by depression - our own or someone close to us. Share as much as you feel comfortable about with your teacher. Keeping things bottled up doesn't help anyone and, yes, a 'vacation' may be in order. There's a lot more to music than just making sounds. You need to feel well to play well.
- ron b -
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Author: Steve
Date: 2001-05-27 04:18
My 2 cents:
You've just been through an understandably upsetting event. You SHOULD be shaken up a bit if you care at all for your sister (and I expect you do).
Before you go to talk to a professional stranger, talk to your sister about your feelings. I am from a close family, and we have had our close calls. It seemed to help to share, pray, and cry with each other and say out loud how GLAD we were that it wasn't WORSE!!! But if you continue to feel like this for several weeks, don't be shy about talking to a therapist or clergyman. But (for another 2 cents) I would choose the man of God first. It is, of course, your choice if it comes to that...
spf
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Author: Jim
Date: 2001-05-27 10:58
Jan; In my teaching years I had many students come to me for tea and sympathy and tho I felt so poorly prepared to assist them, I gave it my all and felt the better for it. What you did was not stupid, it was a natural reaction to a very important happening in your life. Your parents and your minister will always be your best friends, your most supportive relations. Go to them and be as candid as you are now. You'll come through this episode and be the stronger for the experience for you will have learned something about your self and your friends.
Jim
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Author: Rene
Date: 2001-05-27 12:55
Jan, it is marvellous that you wrote that here and share it was us. This is really a great board, if people feel comfortable enough to post such personal things here.
As an advice: You seem to be starting a serious depression state. Depression is often triggered by a personal event like the one that happened to you. Besides talking to your family, you should see a professional therapist for help, if you feel you cannot get over it by yourself. Depression is just an illness like any else. It could get recurrent.
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Author: Bob Curtis
Date: 2001-05-28 16:13
Jan: The fact that you are willing to talk to us on the B/B is good, but you need someone in which you have confidence to talk to. I'm sure your teacher and your clarinet choir understands and sympathizes with you whether you understand it or not. I also get the feeling that you are in the throes of clinical depression and this is something which can affect you for a long time UNLESS you get some assistance. A physician, preferably your family one, can be of great help. Not only counseling but therapeutic medicine might be in order here. Let him working together with you and your family be the deciding factor here.
Good Luck,
Bob Curtis
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