 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2012-02-01 11:38
It was one of those downtown urban churches, in an area where I always felt a bit nervous leaving my car unattended, and this time I thought I'd possibly left my alto clarinet in plain view in the back seat instead of safely locked out of sight in the trunk.
But the musicians were behind the non-musicians (i.e., the choir) with no chance to go check, so I just had to sit there worrying until the choir stood to sing the anthem.
I raced out but it was too late. The car window had been smashed,
and . . . two more alto clarinets put in.
![[grin]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smilie5.gif)
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Author: Chris P
Date: 2012-02-01 12:27
HAHAHA!
Former oboe finisher
Howarth of London
1998 - 2010
The opinions I express are my own.
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Author: Lelia Loban ★2017
Date: 2012-02-01 14:27
It's also an old viola joke and an old bagpipe joke. And a good one, too! I've got my nerd credential sitting a few feet from my computer, btw....
(Q: How do you define nerds? A. People who own their own alto clarinets.)
Lelia
http://www.scoreexchange.com/profiles/Lelia_Loban
To hear the audio, click on the "Scorch Plug-In" box above the score.
Post Edited (2012-02-01 14:27)
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Author: David Spiegelthal ★2017
Date: 2012-02-01 14:31
We need better material for this show. The Borscht Belt jokes have made the rounds about three hundred times now.
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Author: BobD
Date: 2012-02-01 16:03
.....at least there have been no limericks........
Bob Draznik
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Author: davyd
Date: 2012-02-01 16:22
The alto horn gets no respect.
But tell me, what did you expect?
The part's always doubled;
The players are troubled.
The concept is one to reject.
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Author: tictactux ★2017
Date: 2012-02-01 18:58
Now a Haiku...
The band lacked one voice
and an alto was hired.
The audience winced.
--
Ben
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Author: Ursa
Date: 2012-02-01 20:55
Did you hear about the alto clarinet player bragging to his Mom that he was the tallest kid in Junior High band? "That's because you're 16, son," she replied...
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Author: hartt
Date: 2012-02-03 04:09
Ken
old or not, I'd not heard this (or any derivative of it) before.
I liked it.
Having worked in NYC for yrs, I know things like that happen. I thought you were serious and felt for you UNTIL i read the punch line.
(my clarinets were stolen from a practice room at Hartt but I got them back in a Pawn shop for $100 .circa 1968)
thanks for the laugh
dennis
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Author: alto gether
Date: 2012-02-03 06:00
You know, folks, if I had my druthers
We'd learn with the milk of our mothers
That with alto, you get
The worst clarinet
Well, that is, except for the others
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Author: Ed Palanker
Date: 2012-02-03 22:10
Never a problem. No one would ever buy an alto clarinet except an alto clarinet player so there's no way to sell or pawn it. But that was a funny story. LOL ESP eddiesclarinet.com
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Author: Hank Lehrer
Date: 2012-02-03 22:32
This thread is the Clarinet BB at its very best (haiku's, limericks, great but subtle jokes, etc.).
Ligatures, reeds, what's the best clarinet, All-State Band auditions, a specific brand of instrument, which mouthpiece for jazz, or other vapid topics were not mentioned once.
HRL
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Author: David Spiegelthal ★2017
Date: 2012-02-03 23:09
For Dr. Hank:
My Vito and Ricos are great,
hey, they got me to play in All-State!
With my Rovner on tight
on an open Dave Hite
playing jazz is bound to be my fate........
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Author: JJAlbrecht
Date: 2012-02-04 04:18
Hank, you left out the inevitable "How old is this R13? I can't find the serial number on the Buffet site!"
Jeff
“Everyone discovers their own way of destroying themselves, and some people choose the clarinet.” Kalman Opperman, 1919-2010
"A drummer is a musician's best friend."
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Author: Bob Bernardo
Date: 2012-02-04 04:36
My first thought was also how lucky you are!
Sorry about getting ripped off. That really sucks.
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Author: davyd
Date: 2012-02-04 21:28
I gained some new musical knowledge
When I played on an alto in college
It was a nice change
To play in the midrange
More fun than I want to acknowledge
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Author: Ursa
Date: 2012-02-04 23:12
Aye, let us not forget those
Whose eclectic tastes eschew altos...
They invest their assets
In Buffet's pricey bassets
To play music of little reknown...
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