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Ever have your clarinets run over?

Author: salzo
Date: 2010-09-03 09:34

Reading the "buffet clarinet" post reminded me of something that happened to me a few years ago.
I got home one night after playing a show, and I had a bunch of instruments in my car. It was late, I was tired. I unloaded a couple of saxes, went in the house, sat down in front of the tube, told myself Ill get the clarinets out of there in a couple of minutes.
I fall asleep on the couch-wake up a few hours later and crawl into bed.
The morning comes, and my wife is waking me up. I opened my eyes, still half asleep and I hear "murmur ra ra RAN OVER YOUR CLARINETS rumble rumble".
I must be dreaming. I periodically would have a dream where I left my mouthpiece home when on a job, or I am playing a concert with no clothes on-this must be a new dream.
Again I hear some more murmuring, and something about clarinets being run over. I wake up a little more, about 95%, and see my wife standing over me, quite upset, and this time I hear clear as day: "You left your clarinets in the car. I took them out to bring them in the house, forgot about them and backed the car over them."
"what did you say?"
"I ran over your clarinets."
In those days, we used to have a work car, and a family car. Whoever was going to work, used the work car. It was the first day of school, my wife is a teacher. Im sure she had a lot on her mind that morning. SHE was emptying the car of my effects, transferred her stuff into the car, and in all of the hub hub, forgot about my clarinets that she set down on the driveway.
So I get out of bed to see what the hell is going on. Go outside, and there is my set of clarinets, in the driveway, the case is demolished. I pick up the case and pile of clarinet parts, bring them in the house, my wife is telling me how she heard a "ba boom", and then another "ba boom" (to this day I still cant understand why she didnt stop the car after hearing the first "baboom").
She is very upset asking me if they are OK (how could you ask me that while staring at this pile of rubble with tire tracks over it??).
I dont say anything. I am speechless, which was a damn good thing because I probably would be divorced right now if I opened my mouth.
I put the rubble on the table. said "I dont know" and went back to bed.
Got up a half hour later (for some reason I could not go back to sleep), and checked my clarinets. It was quite remarkable- a few bent keys, but no damage to the wood. The case was destroyed, but it really protected the horns. I just bought that case, was going to buy a cheap double case, but thought to myself "hey these are my clarinets-dont go cheap, get a good case". The case was a buffet briefcase.
I called my repair guy, he said I could bring them in right away. It did not take more than a couple of hours to get them corrected.
A few hours after getting the horns fixed, my wife comes home. She asked me if the horns are OK. I told her that I took them in, and they are fine. She said she was sorry, I said OK.
She kept asking me questions, saying she was sorry, I told her I didnt want to talk about it anymore. I was mad, I didnt want to say anything I would regret later, so I figured the matter should be dropped.
But she didnt want to stop talking about it. She kep going on about how she forgot they were there, and blah blah blah, and I am sorry.
And then it happened:
"YOU RAN OVER MY FREAKING CLARINETS!!"
My self imposed silence over the matter became a five minute tirade. Now my wife decided that silence on her part was the best course of action.
"WHY DID YOU KEEP DRIVING AFTER YOU HEARD THE FIRST BABOOM??!!"
"THE NEW RULE AROUND HERE IS THAT MY CLARINETS, OR CLARINET CASE NEVER TOUCH PAVEMENT!"
To her credit, she never said "You should not have left them in the car", which is probably what I would have said.
The lesson to be learned? I think that is obvious.

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