 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: GBK
Date: 2009-03-28 18:02
Well...it's happened again.
Usually once a year, I get a student who breaks down in tears during a lesson. (I'm really not a mean teacher) It's always a very difficult and sensitive situation for both student and teacher.
This time it was a high school girl who got frustrated while doing some sight reading exercises. She kept forgeting the key signature (it was 4 flats) and made mistake after mistake trying to negotiate the key and the related fingerings.
Needless to say, words of encouragement weren't enough and although we changed tasks to do something easier to try and re-establish her confidence, playing the rest of the lesson was still difficult for her through tears and red eyes.
Any stories of students crying during lessons?
How did you handle it?
...GBK
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Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2009-03-28 18:52
Glenn -
At the beginning of the next lesson, ask her what her favorite easy tune is -- one she knows really well and that makes her happy -- maybe the Brahms Lullaby, Silent Night, Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer or Three Blind Mice.
Then say "Let's make an agreement. Whenever you tighten up and feel helpless, go immediately to that tune, and I'll play along with you until you feel better."
When you play along, listen like crazy and adjust to any unevenness, so you're always with her, and she can calm down.
Then ask her to "get back in the saddle again." Run through the Ab scale a couple of times "to remind your fingers what it feels like" and play the sight reading passage again, a little slower.
Good luck.
Ken Shaw
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Author: D
Date: 2009-03-28 20:18
Well having been a teenage girl having lessons (many many moons ago) I'd certainly agree with Ken that you need to raise the subject next lesson.
Try asking how she wants to sort it out. It might be she broke up with her boyfriend and as soon as she came up against something difficult somewhere she felt safe it just all fell apart. It also might be that she can identify which aspect of that lesson upset her. Was it the keeping going aspect of sight reading, or was it the key signature or was it something else. Talking about it together and working out what to do to tackle that and generally to make her the best player she could be will demonstrate you are working as a team, rather than you are disappointed in her. Having your teacher disappointed in you is a terrible feeling and the last thing you want is for her to be feeling that sense of dread that she might disappoint you again. If she feels free to make mistakes and know that you are going to help her identify where and what she is doing wrong, she'll learn a lot quicker.
Something I am working on a different instrument at the moment is only playing in flat keys. And I think it is really working. 3 flats is rarely a problem now and 4 flats only causes as slight shortness of breath at the start of a piece!
Obviously there are a million ways to help with sight reading. Playing in a group being perhaps the most effective and easiest. But that exposed feeling that comes when playing alone can't be underestimated. I had a teacher who used to move a piece of card across the page covering up the notes so I had to play to time or the notes vanished. Unfortunately it used to make me giggle.
More effective for me was playing the rhythm only. Something else which I found helped was to have the key signature covered up before I saw it and just being told it was major or minor. This has the oddest effect and quite often I ended up playing most of the right notes out of instinct. I think perhaps it works because as you have no key signature you have no hope of all the right notes, so you just get on with it.
But I think a lot of sight reading is getting over the idea that it must be perfect and trying to play like you would when you are learning a piece. This leads to the temptation to try a second time for a note. But in sight reading that means every note after it is wrong. The only right notes are the ones in the right place. If you don't play anything in the right place because it is all a beat late you've got no hope. Took me years to get my head round.
Anyway, just smile at her next lesson and say something like, "I'm sorry you found last week stressful, I don't like seeing you so upset, let's sit down and work out which bit was stressing you out and how we can attack it differently."
The smile is the important thing.
I don't think I've ever cried in a lesson, but I did once faint and fall off a really high breakfast bar type stool. Scared my teacher half to death and she went and joined the army shortly after that. I think she was trying to get away from me.....
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Author: bmcgar ★2017
Date: 2009-03-28 21:07
Low frustration tolerance and/or demand for perfection.
Some things that might work:
When I have clients and students who are like that, and who are old enough and aware enough that they can understand absurdities, I use what we call a "paradoxical technique" to work on the problem by using statements such as,
- "Well, if it isn't perfect, it must be crap!"
- "Uh oh. You missed a note. It's not perfect anymore! It's garbage!"
- "Now, before you begin playing, remember that you must play perfectly! If you don't play perfectly, then you've failed totally."
- "Just think! If you squeak, you'll be just as fallible as 99.999% of all the rest of us who play the clarinet! Wouldn't that be awful to be normal!"
But you have to be consistent about it, and not change your tune when the tears and self-recriminations increase. If you positively reinforce perfectionism and low frustration tolerance by such things as, "Oh, that's really too bad. You'll do better next time," it won't work.
Of course, everything depends on your delivery, how persistent you are, and the degree of the problem you're dealing with. Some people, especially adolescents, will fight tooth and nail to keep from having to be reasonable with themselves (especially those with perfectionist parents), and many adults will say things such as, "Well, that's just the way I am!," etc.
While I'm at it it, another paradoxical technique to use in this situation would be to totally agree with the student: "Yeah, you really blew it! You missed two notes, and that's awful!" ("Reverse psychology," it used to be called.) If you're persistent about it, and your relationship with the student is such that your student doesn't see you as a punitive whip-cracker, you'll soon hear your student challenging his or her own need for perfection.
If you're interested in going deeper into this, get a copy of "The New Guide to Rational Living" by Albert Ellis.
B.
(Licensed professional psychotherapist giving advice that MUST be taken with a grain or two of salt, and endlessly repeating "YRMV.")
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Author: skygardener
Date: 2009-03-29 00:19
I have a hunch on D's first idea. It might have nothing to do with music; maybe there is something in her life that is making her sad (sick family member, boyfriend problems, laid-off parent, devorcing parents, etc.) that is causing her emotional stress and it just came out during the lesson.
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Author: 3dogmom
Date: 2009-03-29 01:57
Luckily I haven't had this happen much. But when it does, my approach has been to "lighten up" and work on something else. Before the lesson period ends I would be likely to give an encouraging pep talk, not to minimize the difficulty but to make light of an otherwise bad lesson. Chances are the person is embarrassed, and I want them to know that it's not the end of the world, I'm not disappointed in them, and that next time will be better.
Sue
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Author: gwie
Date: 2009-03-29 03:23
In line with what skygardener mentioned, I've had students cry, albeit not for music-related reasons.
In becoming a teacher, I've accepted that a big part of my job is not just teaching technique and fundamentals, but also imparting on my students what wisdom I have personally accumulated in dealing with life. When they break down in lessons, I encourage them to just let it out...many of them are so stressed out from the demands of their over-achieving academic schedules they don't get much time anywhere to "decompress."
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Author: Sarah Elbaz
Date: 2009-03-29 04:40
I have in my class 4 boxes of tissue in different colors. When they cry I ask them to choose a color to wipe their nose. It usually make them lough.
Sarah
Post Edited (2009-03-29 04:41)
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Author: sfalexi
Date: 2009-03-29 09:33
Actually, without realizing it, I've used bmcgar's technique. Not calling it garbage or whatnot, but emphasizing that they're not the first one to make that mstake. I even have some professional recordings that the occasional squeak comes into. Cause it happens!!!
Alexi
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Author: Lelia Loban ★2017
Date: 2009-03-29 12:18
>>Try asking how she wants to sort it out. >>
That might work if the student seems to need to talk about things, but sometimes the "Do you want to talk about it" approach only adds to the stress. Sometimes it's better not to react much and concentrate on just getting on with the job in a businesslike way. Treat the tears as a temporary hitch instead of a Great Big Deal.
In general I think it's better if the teacher takes the alpha dog role ("calm, assertive energy" as the Dog Whisperer puts it) instead of getting into a lot of conversation that can turn into endless bargaining and undermine the learning process instead of enhancing it. (I don't teach music, but I've taught English and volunteered as an ESL teacher for years afterwards.) Tears can mean a lot of different things, from sheer frustration (deserving of empathy) to cynical manipulation. Some kids are truly distressed while others can cue the waterworks with the alacrity of a soap opera actress. The teacher may not know the kid well enough to know where on this spectrum the behavior falls. This probably sounds hard-hearted, but ask yourself: Is the goal to become a surrogate psychiatrist or to get on with the clarinet lesson? If the latter, then I wouldn't reward tears with a lot of extra attention or else what you're teaching is that crying works.
Mind you, I don't advocate these methods, but with some students, they excell: My husband's best and most memorable teacher was Mischa Mischakoff, who'd learned all about tough love as Toscanini's concertmaster for 17 years. Mischakoff kept boxes of Kleenex lined up on a shelf in the room where he gave his lessons. He'd labelled each box of tissues prominently with a student's name. All the other students could see all the other students' boxes and how many tissues got used, of course. When the teacher got a new student, he ceremoniously labelled a new box of Kleenex and rearranged his display to make room for it. Kevin took pride in never depleting that box by a single tissue, even when Mischakoff used to whack him with a flyswatter and scream at him.
When Mischakoff took Kevin to the Chautauqua camp one summer, Kevin's mom sent him a kosher salami. Mischakoff sent back a postcard that read, "Thank you for the salami. Some day I may teach your stupid son to play the violin." I can quote that postcard from memory because it went right into her scrapbook of treasures and is still there, the subject of frequent fond reminiscence.
I think if my piano teacher had treated me that way, my mother would have misunderstood and yanked me out of lessons in about a nanosecond, but for Kevin's people with their more rugged sense of humor, the tough-guy approach worked perfectly -- and would have worked for me, I'm convinced, because my sense of humor leans toward the ghoulish and resembles my dad's more than my mom's. In my case, the best deterrent to breaking down in lessons turned out to be that the *teacher* frequently burst into tears if a student's playing disappointed him. I never cried in a lesson in part because I feared setting *him* off again! So you could try that tactic, I guess.... [Evil grin!]
Lelia
http://www.scoreexchange.com/profiles/Lelia_Loban
To hear the audio, click on the "Scorch Plug-In" box above the score.
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Author: Brenda ★2017
Date: 2009-03-29 13:25
There's another aspect of this topic to keep in mind: for girls, often our response to frustration is tears. For guys, anger. (I'm a Mom of 3 boys and 1 girl - and then there's me, a woman.) I know the feeling inside, of not wanting to cry but the anxiety level is too high. After a good night's sleep I'm back to being just fine and ready for hard work again. So it's really nothing to be afraid of. With my experience in life I realize that a good response is to acknowledge the tears - like with the Kleenex boxes - and a generous helping of gentle, good humoured compassion. Then on we go the next day.
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Author: tictactux ★2017
Date: 2009-03-29 14:04
Yeah, the next time a frustrated boy student does the Pete Townshend thing with his clarinet, have a vacuum cleaner ready. Kleenexes won't do in that case...
A good way out of anger and frustration is finding (or help to find) the individual "safe spot" where on can calm down. Very long low tones for example, where one can feel the soothing vibrations of the sound, similar to buddhist monks' chant or playing a didgeridoo (I know there's more to the whole philosophy than just going whôôôôyeeee and so, don't get me wrong).
One of our goals as educators (of all sorts) should be to teach our children to find out how best to cope with failure. Failures will accompany us through all our lives, and knowing how to deal with them is an invaluable asset.
--
Ben
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Author: pewd
Date: 2009-03-29 14:39
> a big part of my job is not just teaching technique and fundamentals,
>but also imparting on my students what wisdom I have
> personally accumulated in dealing with life.
yes, what Gene said
I teach time management, goal setting, orgazational skills, work ethic, becoming a member of a team, focus, concentration, etc., ;
and occassionally a little bit of clarinet technique.
in the case of a crying student, if it only happens occassionally, i don't make much of it - usually its just temporary emotional overload on the part of the student. i don't make much of it unless it becomes chronic, which then indicates a different issue for the student.
- Paul Dods
Dallas, Texas
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Author: clarinetguy ★2017
Date: 2009-03-29 17:45
I've taught in high schools, but it's been many years. I've taught high school private students, although I don't currently have any. I also have a daughter in high school.
Some random thoughts:
It would be interesting to know what your student's high school band situation is like. Is she in marching band, and if so, does her band go to competitions? I personally don't care for the idea of bands competing week after week during the fall and devoting endless time to the same few tunes. To me, this isn't good music education, although others may disagree. When bands engage in endless competitions, directors and adjudicators expect nothing but complete perfection. A lot of students handle this pressure well, but others don't.
Let's not forget high school band festival and solo and ensemble festival. Some students love the preparation and cherish the opportunity to go for that top rating. They love the pressure, and anxiously wait for the opportunity to impress the adjudicator(s). Others are neutral, while others really want no part of it.
In many high schools, I think there is often a conflict of expectations. Administrators and parents expect the best, and directors are under pressure to deliver the best. For many students, though, band is only an elective. It's a fun thing to do in school, but it's only a small part of their lives. Practice tough music for the next concert? Why? What's the point?
It's not a "real" subject that counts when colleges look at high school transcripts. These students know that music is not going to be their career. Have an adjudicator or teacher start to nitpick and be critical of tone, rhythm, or intonation? Why? What difference does it really make in their lives?
Music teachers love the core of students who really do care, and hope that they can "pull along" the others. My philosophy has really evolved over the years. Any high school student who voluntarily takes private lessons deserves a lot of credit as far as I'm concerned (since most don't).
I think a serious discussion is in order for anyone who teaches high school private students, especially juniors and seniors. I think the private teacher really needs to know what the student hopes to gain from the private lessons. Does the student have any possible plans to become a music major? If so, a very serious course of study is called for--plenty of etudes, study of the major concertos, etc. What about the student, though, who enjoys music, but has absolutely no plans to major in music? For these students, I think choices should be offered. Does the student want to get intense like the future music majors, or does he/she want a more relaxed approach? As far as I'm concerned, both choices are valid.
My daughter enjoys the clarinet and she plays well, but she is not going to major in music. She doesn't practice anywhere near as much as I did. She currently has a teacher who takes a relaxed approach with her. I got much deeper into etudes and the literature when I was in high school, but so what? She likes her teacher, she's learned a lot, she's first chair in her school band, and she likes music. As far as I'm concerned, she's a real success!
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Author: GBK
Date: 2009-03-29 18:13
I appreciate some of the well thought out responses.
Just a bit of background info on this particular student, in case you may have a similar one -
This is a clarinetist who attend a religious school (with little to no music) through 8th grade and had very limited, if any, instruction on clarinet. In 9th grade she transferred to the local public high school and in order to make the high school band began private instruction the summer before entering high school.
She has since applied herself well and made the high school band, participated in NYSSMA solo competitions, and now as a junior (her final year for solo competition) is trying to prepare a Level 6 NYSSMA solo.
Although playing a Level 6 solo is a bit of a stretch, she is making adequate progress and will probably do ok. However, since she only has been taking formal lessons for three years, she still has rhythm and playing issues, and numerous gaps in the basics of music reading.
She is a very good academic student (as her 2 older siblings were, whom I both taught), has strict parents who monitor everything in her life, and she is a high achiever who rarely encounters failure.
I think that when confronted with a very difficult obstacle which she can not immediately solve, she just crumbles. Hence the tears...
...GBK
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Author: bmcgar ★2017
Date: 2009-03-29 18:19
sfalexi,
Calling it "garbage" and so forth has utility in this situation.
Responding with something that's just as extreme and unreasonable as the thinking that underlies the outburst emphasizes not only the message, but pairs extreme, unreasonable behavior with an extreme, unreasonable response, emphasizing the absurdity of both.
We all want to be "nice," and we're eager to smooth out things, and we usually want to avoid "hurting someone's feelings" (which is impossible, for reasons that I won't go into here). However, if we're going to accept our roles as a lay psychotherapists in the studio, keep in mind that "feeling better" isn't the same as "getting better."
Helping someone to "feel better" rarely helps one to "get better."
(David Niethamer, a student of Russianoff, told me that Russianoff, whose wife Penelope was a professional psychotherapist and author, complained that, as a teacher, he got paid only a smidgen of what his wife was paid for doing the same job.)
Cheers.
B.
Post Edited (2009-03-29 19:17)
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Author: bmcgar ★2017
Date: 2009-03-29 18:22
Lelia,
Outstanding technique, that tissue box thing! Really great.
Thanks.
B.
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Author: DavidBlumberg
Date: 2009-03-29 19:59
I use SmartMusic for teaching sightreading skills to the next level. If (when) the piece is really hard I tell them to look at the work like they are playing a Video Game for the 1st time - they will get killed quickly, get back up and continue playing, no big deal at all, and the main thing is to not stop.
That attitude takes all of the pressure off as they know what it's like to play a game for the first time and it keep resetting. Then they can see that it doesn't have to be perfect the first time, just that continuing is what the exercise is about.
And they get a lot better pretty quickly with it. Just the tension alone can make a student do "unplanned" things.
http://www.SkypeClarinetLessons.com
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Author: clarinetguy ★2017
Date: 2009-03-29 20:39
GBK, thanks for sharing the additional information about your student.
I'm curious--is she the one who wants to play a Level 6 solo, or are her parents pushing her into it? Is she thinking about majoring in music?
As a parent of three kids (my daughter is my youngest), I think it's important to "push" your kids in school. I think it's important to expect them to do well. At the same time, a parent can overdo it. If a child is trying but really struggling, a parent needs to show compassion, back off, and try another approach.
Sometimes we forget just how much high school students do these days. Many of them take very heavy course loads and are involved in a lot of activities. When I look at the courses I took in high school and the college requirements back in the early 70s, and compare them with course loads today and college requirements today, I just shake my head. Of course, students today use sophisticated calculators and we used slide rules, but that's another story!
You said:
She is a very good academic student (as her 2 older siblings were, whom I both taught), has strict parents who monitor everything in her life, and she is a high achiever who rarely encounters failure.
I think that when confronted with a very difficult obstacle which she can not immediately solve, she just crumbles. Hence the tears...
I think this says it all. I'm guessing that she's probably the same when she has to prepare for and take a difficult math exam or write a major paper for English. Just try to encourage her, and if she is really getting frustrated with something, go on to something else (you can always come back to it later). It sounds like you're a caring teacher who is trying to handle the situation well, and I'm not sure that there's a whole lot more that you can do.
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Author: kdk
Date: 2009-03-29 20:48
It's an unfortunate effect of competitive auditions that they sometimes force students who want to participate to prepare music that they aren't really ready to play. I don't know what the NYSSMA solo competition involves and what the rewards are for a student who succeeds in them (or what constitutes success). In Pennsylvania, to participate in PMEA District, Regional and State bands and orchestras, students must audition on a solo piece chosen by PMEA. At best, the solos are chosen to provide a little head-room technically for ranking students who are basically able to play them so that there is some discrimination possible among the top scoring students. (At worst, a piece may be completely inappropriate and much of the discrimination value is lost because no student plays it decently.) But that means that many of the students below those top scorers would have better spent their time and effort learning a piece that was less beyond their technical level. These students spend so much attention on just getting the notes and rhythms to come out nearly right that they can't begin to think about music issues - despite any effort in that direction by their teachers. The irony is, of course, that once in the bands or orchestras, the music the students perform is generally not nearly so difficult technically as the audition piece.
I don't know that there's any good alternative for choosing ensemble members for a select group. I've never had to prepare a student for any other kind of competition. But if a student is pushing his or her envelope of technical ability to an unrealistic extent, frustration will come with the territory, and it becomes a question of whether or not the reward for coming in at some comfortable level above the bottom is worth the effort.
What is the NYSSMA contest for and what do students get from entering it?
Karl
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Author: GBK
Date: 2009-03-29 22:57
In this particular student's case, she probably should be playing a Level 5 NYSSMA solo (she played a Level 4 last year) but since it's her last year of NYSSMA her parents practically insisted that she try to play Level 6 (the top level) I voiced my concerns and made sure they understood that it would take a substantial amount of preparation and practice to do an adequate job.
Since her parents really push their children to excel, I had no doubt they would reinforce any practice demands I would ask for.
I think that those of you who said that today's high school kids are often spread too thin among different activities are absolutely correct. This student, aside from playing clarinet, is enrolled in AP (advanced placement) high school courses, is on the tennis team, runs track and also teaches Sunday school. (Her older brother, who I taught saxophone to, was an Eagle Scout who earned ALL 120 merit badges)
She strictly plays clarinet because she enjoys being in the band, but has no plans to major in music. She is already receiving college recruitment letters (because of her running on the track team) but lately has told me she is considering becoming an elementary school TEACHER.
So, maybe I've had an indirect influence after all. ![[wink]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smilie3.gif)
...GBK
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Author: GBK
Date: 2009-03-29 23:11
kdk wrote:
> What is the NYSSMA contest for and what do
> students get from entering it?
NYSSMA (New York State School Music Association) is an annual solo and ensemble festival where, similar to other states, students prepare a graded solo for a rating and evaluation. There are 6 levels of solos, with Level 6 being the most difficult.
An outstanding NYSSMA score will qualify you for possible selection to local, county and All State ensembles.
Having a perfect NYSSMA score and #1 ranking from your district/area can also lead to a possible consideration to the All Eastern (East Coast USA) Orchestra or Band.
Just to brag a bit - my top high school clarinetist (a senior) this year made the All Eastern Orchestra. Although he could easily major in clarinet performance, he is going to graduate as valedictorian of his high school and attend an Ivy League college, majoring in civil engineering.
Smart kid, smart decision.
...GBK
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Author: Marie from New York
Date: 2009-03-29 23:38
Through the years, I have managed to make a handful of students cry. I usually just say, "Oh, I'm sorry, this is pretty intense to work on for so long. Let's go on to something else and maybe return to this another time. " The less said, the better (unless it has become chronic, as someone mentioned.) Having been a teenaged student and taught many, it's also easier to cry at certain times of the month!
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Author: Nessie1
Date: 2009-03-30 09:51
I'm kind of with David Blumberg (above) here - the main purpose of sight-reading practice and tests is to improve one's ability to take part in practical situations such as bands and orchestras; Therefore the golden rule is to keep going and keep to the beat. That way you will continue to fit in with the group to some extent - a few wrong pitches are really not important but rhythm and pulse are. If it was the sight reading itself which upset the student, the she needs reassurance that she kept with the pace (if she did) and that, even if she made a few mistakes in pitch, she did well.
However, it does sound as though she is under a lot of pressure from all these activities and, probably most of all, from rather over-ambitious parents. There is probably nothing you can do about this (it would be unwise to get over-involved in family politics etc) except to reduce the pressure in terms of clarinet in any way you can, mostly by offering reassurance that she is doing fine for the level she is at. Perhaps gently prepare her for the fact that, if the level 6 solo is a bit of a stretch for her, she will be doing well to get a certain placing or mark so that she is not too disappointed if she doesn't get first chair or whatever.
Vanessa.
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Author: graham
Date: 2009-03-30 10:49
Supplementary question:-
If this is down to too much parental pressure, how far does a teacher go in following a parental agenda of self aggrandisement which is not benefiting the child?
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Author: Nessie1
Date: 2009-03-30 13:12
graham wrote:
> Supplementary question:-
>
> If this is down to too much parental pressure, how far does a
> teacher go in following a parental agenda of self
> aggrandisement which is not benefiting the child?
Good point. In an ideal world a teacher would protest if the parents kept trying to take over his/her teaching in ways which he did not think were the right thing for that pupil - if necessary discontinuing teaching him or her. However this might cause the child who would be "piggie-in-the-middle" even more stress. Also, most teachers cannot afford to lose pupils and to get a reputation in an area for being "difficult" may not help.
On the other hand if one is getting good results over all (ie with most of one's pupils) that is something to demonstrate that one knows what one is doing. As I think I have said before in another thread, the teacher/pupil/parent relationship is based on trust like more or less all relationships. If the parents get to the point where they don't believe that the teacher is doing the right thing or what they want, perhaps it is best if the relationship is brought to an end.
Vanessa.
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Author: clariniano
Date: 2009-03-30 18:10
It happens to many teachers, I usually have one such incident occuring a year, though it used to happen more often and it hasn't happened for almost 2 years. Then again, some of my students have been with me for at least 2 or 3 years, and are used to my teaching style. In that case, I usually have a plan B, like work on some ear training or theory, or even something as simple as giving them a hug after talking about what happened for a little bit. Though the ones that have started crying in lessons are usually students who take it seriously and normally play well!
Meri
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Author: GBK
Date: 2009-03-30 19:37
clariniano wrote:
> or even something
> as simple as giving them a hug after talking about what
> happened for a little bit.
With a female, 11th grade high school student, not a good idea.
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Author: kdk
Date: 2009-03-30 19:56
These days, probably not so good an idea if the student is male either, especially for a male teacher. :-)
Karl
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Author: swkeess
Date: 2009-03-31 00:37
Sorry, maybe I missed something here while reading quickly through the thread, but where does a Canadian factor enter into this?
Susan Keess
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Author: Katrina
Date: 2009-03-31 02:29
I've had students cry exactly 3 times, the most recent of which was the day before GBK posted the initial post.
The first time was in my first year or two of teaching privately and I told a seventh grader she should think about majoring in clarinet. I know, bad idea...I've changed a lot since then and realize why this was such a bad idea.
The second time was about 4 or 6 years ago, with one of my most advanced students. She got frustrated (I believe) with the level of intensity I was using when talking about a focused sound or a particular tonguing technique (I can't remember which of these it was, but I know it was one or the other). The tears came, I backed off, and everything turned out ok. This student was always one of my best prepared and easiest to get along with, but she did put quite a bit of pressure on herself to do well in everything.
Last week was a total surprise. This student has studied with me for nearly 5 years, and has been an underachiever. She quit band immediately after the first 2 years that her parents had required, but re-joined after finding out her grade in the class was her best grade. Since then she's had all kinds of attitude issues. I won't go into them here, but they center around "not wanting to play things the way they are on the page." Most of her battles are rhythmic, but she's progressed despite herself. Her last few lessons had been geared towards an audition for the "higher" band at her school, and she had improved immensely on the audition piece. Her scales, however, were another story, and she did not end up succeeding in the audition. Tears flowed several times during the audition, and I think she'll end up quitting band now permanently. She had practiced more for this than a lot of things, and really wanted it but the lack of having practiced enough over the last 5 years to improve her general technique asserted itself.
I just kept going through the two pieces she brought (one for marching band, one for a class assignment) even though they were not part of what I had assigned her...And I asked her whether she wanted to stop when the tears started. She was very non verbal in general but indicated she wanted to play the rest of the way through her half-hour.
Students like this are what make teaching hard. You can't get them where they want to be at the last minute!
Post Edited (2009-03-31 02:30)
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Author: clarinetchoiristhebest
Date: 2009-03-31 12:31
Well having exprience as a student crying in their lesson, you should just tell them it's okay that they "miss flats on (insert tune here), your sight reading for heaven's sake", and you should just let her/him talk it out, plus giving them a chance to breathe and calm down before they play again is probably a good idea, for the student and the teacher . Also it's highly unlikely that the student will be crying in the next lesson too,it's probably better just not to mention what happened at all in the next lesson besides a "You feeling better?."
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