Author: Ralph Katz
Date: 2009-02-12 21:34
I think stories can be good teachers, so bear with me.
My kids are going through this, albeit not in music.
Kid 1 is doing great at school C. We are amazed at how resourceful and focused she has become. The Honors program is making a lot of things easy for her, out there in the sticks. She couldn't afford the school with the best attitude, and her choice was 2nd best in that category, but still no slouch. There is no snobbery, no elitism, no crowing. Their attitude is "here's the path you need to take, and this is how we will help." A sophomore, a couple of Professors have asked her over to dinner (!!). Wish I had gone there.
Kid 2 is thinking of blowing off her school C and we are trying to keep this from happening as it is an excellent school, albeit a long, long drive away. She was admitted to 5 schools and deferred at School A. Not completely happy with her admissions, she applied to three more schools whose tuitions are totally outside our budget. She is looking at scholarships, but is emotionally far from a decision. News at 11.
My niece grew up in a small town and started at state mega-school E. After a year, she transferred to a much smaller state school and is doing very well there. A theater major, she actually gets to act a lot now. She is rubbing shoulders with talent and experience, and it is a great thing for her.
I went to state mega-school F, and it was not a good thing. 40 years later, it is easy for me to see how adversarial relationships, elitism, and all that other stuff clouded my decisionmaking process and effected the rest of my life. I did spend a lot of time running with the herd, lowing, consuming grassland and raising clouds of dust. Their placement office sucked in my discipline, but then the training I got was not very appropriate either. This was not a happy legacy to have to break out of.
My brother also went to state mega-school F. Hated engineering school, but was stuck there for a year. Transferred to art school, but a sage TA told him "Get out, you'll die here." Shocking stuff, huh? The TA provided a short-list of transfers schools, which was really incredible. The out-of-state private school lead to an MFA and a teaching career at the university level.
My wife transferred from a community college to music school at an outstate university and it is easy to see how the small size, accessibility of her teachers, and performance opportunities have led her into a successful teaching career.
These are just stories though. It will be very, very important for your daughter to feel comfortable, and not have to be continuously competing for basic services. The bottom line is that this will have to feel like her own decision. Without carping on what you really feel, the best thing you can do is try to help her to sort out actual goals. Try to get past the prestige thing, and into the level of training, accessibility of help, the raw mechanics of university living, and the ending debt-load. What really makes the most sense?
Good Luck!
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