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Methods from Band Director School

Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2009-01-13 21:26

Put 10,000 clarinet reeds in a closed room. Put 100 clarinetists in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after six hours.

1. If they are counting the reeds, put them in charge of handing out reeds.
2. If they are recounting them, put them in Accounting.
3. If they have messed up the whole place with the reeds, put them in
marching band.
4. If they are arranging the reeds in some strange order, put them in the
atonal music group.
5. If they are throwing the reeds at each other, change them to
percussionists
6. If they are sleeping, put them in the 3rd clarinet section.
7. If they have broken the reeds into pieces, put them in music pasteup.
8. If they are sitting idle, make them majorettes.
9. If they say they have tried all the reeds they still looking for a good
one, send them to Vandoren.
10. If they have already left for the day, make them assistant band
directors.
11. If they are staring out of the window, switch them to flute.
12. If they are talking to each other, and not a single reed has been
moved, make them Band Officers.
13. Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with reeds in such a way
that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in Congress.

[adapted this from a comment on an Australian blog, originally about bricks]

Ken Shaw

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