 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: Claire Annette
Date: 2008-12-10 16:58
Last week, a new ProPac case I'd ordered arrived. Not having the same amount of "in-case" storage I was accustomed to, I had to shuffle things around a bit for a fit I was pleased with.
The next day, as I was awaiting a clarinet student, I began to warm up. Suddenly, my third line B natural all the way to my fourth line D would not play! No matter how hard I blew, NOTHING came out! Panic-stricken, I checked pads, springs, keys, etc. and could only think of the $500 overhaul I'd had done on my horn in September.
Everything seemed perfectly in place, so I began taking my clarinet apart to examine the bore and tone holes more closely.
Uh...Did you know that a tube of cork grease fits snuggly into the joint where the bell attaches? UGH..... while I was happy that the problem was easily remedied, I was amazed at my stupidity.
Clarinet plays great--cork grease stays in a side pocket. Happy ending. (Piece of brain still at large.)
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Author: William
Date: 2008-12-10 17:20
LOL--sort of the same thing happened to the Principal clarinetist of the symphony orchestra I play second with just before a concert. For at least ten minutes she was terrified. Checked pads, springs, tried numerous reeds--even a spare mouthpiece--and finally turned to me saying I would have to sight read her solos because "her horn wouldn't play". Well, the second clarinetist/band director (ME) came to her rescue by removing her mouthpiece and looking down the bore to discover that a slim tube of cork grease has somehow become securly stuck in her lower section--a problem usually common only in my beginning band classes. In fact, she had asked to borrow my cork grease earlier because hers', "was missing". The crisis was easily resolved with a borrowed drum stick--and I have never let her forget how important the second clarinetists position can really be.
[a similar problem is also common with middle school sax players and mouthpiece caps--right GBK?? lol]
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Author: coasten1
Date: 2008-12-10 17:25
I have to add a similar story. Back in highschool we had practice and when I would play my low E/B would not speak and it felt like I could not get any air through the clarinet. After examining the pads, etc, I couldn't figure out why just that note wouldn't speak. I finally took the clarinet apart and discovered a black sock stuffed in the bell. Apparently the Friday before we had to march on the field and when I changed back into my street clothes I somehow ended up with one of my black socks separated from wherever the rest of my band clothes were so I just stuck the sock in the clarinet bell until later. I felt stupid at the time but it was amusing to my fellow bandmates.
Tony
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Author: GBK
Date: 2008-12-10 17:52
William wrote:
> a similar problem is also common with middle school sax players
> and mouthpiece caps--right GBK??
Also - Never let other teachers use your band room as an after school detention room:
There was the time when my 8th grade tuba student came in to the band room for his weekly lesson.
Normally a very good low brass player, he was having extreme difficulty that day producing any sound at all.
After thorough examination of all possibilities, we discovered that one of his classmates had thought it would be humorous to insert a bag lunch deep inside the bell of the tuba.
It was the month of May, and the week old sandwich was tuna fish...GBK
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Author: clarnibass
Date: 2008-12-10 17:59
>> It was the month of May, and the week old sandwich was tuna fish...GBK
At least he played in tuna....
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Author: GBK
Date: 2008-12-10 18:08
clarnibass wrote:
> At least he played in tuna....
But the "scales" were still smelly. ![[wink]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smilie3.gif)
...GBK
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Author: Claire Annette
Date: 2008-12-10 18:12
Ahh, you guys make me feel soooo much better!
I forgot to add that I also tried changing reeds...as if I had been blowing on a popsicle stick--but that's another thread.
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Author: hans
Date: 2008-12-10 20:43
Claire Annette,
I once played a gig with a swab in the bell of my tenor sax. Nobody (except me) seemed to notice anything different....... Now I'm more careful when I pack up :-)
Hans
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Author: tictactux ★2017
Date: 2008-12-10 20:50
Ho, happened to me. All notes came out fine except the mid-staff Bnat and the low E. I got a red face and blew harder. Pop it made and the crammed-in-bell swab came out...
Ever since I have look through the clarinet before I attach the mouthpiece...
--
Ben
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Author: Hank Lehrer
Date: 2008-12-10 23:43
Just last week, I could not find the chamois that I keep in my tenor case but went out to the rehearsal hall with all my usual junk. As I was warming up, I noticed a stuffiness in the low register and could not play low B and Bb.
You guessed it, the chamois was nestled nicely in the bell. I guess that would be OK if you wanted a "softer and somewhat leathery as well as a light tan sound."
Seriously, putting a mouthpiece cap in the bell makes the low B and Bb respond easier. My old sax teacher told me that a lot of vaudeville players had a small piece of wood for just that purpose.
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Author: Ryder
Date: 2008-12-11 04:05
This seems to happen to sax players all the time...maybe it's saying something.
There was a sax student who thought he lost his mouthpiece and ordered another. when it arrived he played his sax, but something was wrong. upon inspection we found his original mouthpiece lodged inside the sax.
I saw this happen to a tuba and a rubber mouthpiece case...had to be flushed out with water.
____________________
Ryder Naymik
San Antonio, Texas
"We pracice the way we want to perform, that way when we perform it's just like we practiced"
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Author: stevensfo
Date: 2008-12-11 06:24
I take a clarinet with me on holiday and last year I was devastated when it suddenly sounded very strange. Without any tools, on a small greek island, I faced the prospect of two weeks without playing!
I checked some pads, took it apart, checked by sucking, blowing etc. About to give up in despair when I suddenly realised that the cheap foam thumbrest cushion had stretched and the edge had become trapped under a pad!!!
Oh, how the ouzo flowed in celebration!
Steve
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Author: Nessie1
Date: 2008-12-11 07:53
If you tend to keep used, folded cigarette papers in your case for drying tone holes etc, I find that they can sometimes cause problems.
Vanessa.
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Author: Lelia Loban ★2017
Date: 2008-12-11 13:00
clarnibass:
>At least he played in tuna....>
GBK:
>>But the "scales" were still smelly.>>
Clair Annette:
>>>Um...are you guys "fin"ished?>>>
MalcolmH:
>>>>Awates with 'bait'ed breath for more stories.>>>
GROAN! ;-)
I can't top those puns, that's for sure! Btw, Ferree's sells mesh screens that fit over sousaphone and tuba bells, to prevent kids from lobbing junk into the big brass mouths. Good idea, because, you know, if you feed something enough, it's liable to start wanting more.
In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if, back in 1956 or1957, one of those Poverty Row companies in Culver City or Hollyweird might have made a B movie about a rogue tuba run amok. Naturally the producers would have promoted the film with appropriately lurid ballyhoo....
From the press kit:
THE TUBA FROM HELL!
BEWARE the yawning gullet of the devouring menace! It's eaten its fill of stale tuna sandwiches and it's fed up with wads of paper. Now THE TUBA FROM HELL wants bigger and fresher and MORE MORE MORE!
CHAOS at halftime as the weeping tuba player tries to resist but can't fight the PSYCHIC BLASTS! FORCED to obey, he has no choice but to break formation and carry the GIANT BELLOWING PREDATOR wherever it demands to go! RUN SCREAMING as it sucks THE ENTIRE CLARINET SECTION into its alien dimension! Hooting madly, it eats the scantily-clad cheerleaders! It eats the quarterback! It even eats the trumpet players! Thrill to violent action in BRASS-O-RAMA with WOOF-BOMBER SOUND as linebackers and drummers RUN FOR THEIR LIVES!
BWAAAAAA!!!!
OH NO! IT'S EATEN THE CONDUCTOR!!!
THE TUBA FROM HELL!
Coming soon to a theater near you! A nurse will be available in the lobby to assist patrons who FAINT FROM FRIGHT!
Ryder Naymik wrote,
>>There was a sax student who thought he lost his mouthpiece and ordered another. when it arrived he played his sax, but something was wrong. upon inspection we found his original mouthpiece lodged inside the sax.>>
I've found all kinds of nasty remains in flea market saxophones (generally in much grubbier condition than the clarinets), but I also found one of my best vintage, hard rubber clarinet mouthpieces stuck inside the upper stack of a fine old sax from the 1920s.
Lelia
http://www.scoreexchange.com/profiles/Lelia_Loban
To hear the audio, click on the "Scorch Plug-In" box above the score.
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Author: MalcolmH
Date: 2008-12-12 06:49
Not that I want to keep 'carp'ing on about this but...
Come on lets have some more.
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Author: Sambo 933
Date: 2008-12-12 22:44
here's a little story I heard from my clarinet teacher.
She is a band director and she was telling me about this time she took her band to "tuba fest"
She said whenever herself and the band would walk from their hotel to where ever the clinic was located(i forget where) they always noticed a pair of discarded panties hanging from a stop sign. As strange as this may sound, apparently some one got them down, took them home, washed them, and stuffed them in their son's tuba.
The next time the band had a rehearsal the tuba would not play no matter what the guy did. So my teacher reached down in the bell and pulled out the panties and said "What have you been doing at tuba fest?"
"What happens at tuba fest STAYS at tuba fest"
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Author: Claire Annette
Date: 2008-12-13 02:37
"What happens at tuba fest STAYS at tuba fest"
LOL!
How about a band camp story?
One summer at band camp, there was an INCREDIBLY dorky young freshman who played saxophone badly and was desparate to find a way to pretend he was cool, I suppose.
He started bragging to a few people that he had a bottle of Jack Daniels in his case. Oh yeah! I was ALL over that!! A couple of my friends and I got to his case when he wasn't around and emptied out the bottle and put it back in his case with a note that I crafted to look and sound like the band director had written it: "Son, we need to talk about what I found in this case. Come see me before rehearsal."
We got to rehearsal early, feigning to warm up, watching for the guy to arrive. He looked like a ghost when he discovered the empty bottle and the note and we could hardly keep from falling out of our chairs as he approached the director. Just as he was about to confess, we called him over to the clarinet section to keep him from wetting his pants.
As far as I know, he never tried anything like that again--and I've never pulled a better prank.
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Author: chicagoclar
Date: 2008-12-14 17:31
I teach middle school band, and earlier this year a trumpet player came to me and said something was wrong with her instrument. She tried to blow through, and the air wouldn't go through. I checked that the valves were in right and then blew through the instrument. I was surprised when 2 crayons came shooting out the bell.
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Author: JJAlbrecht
Date: 2008-12-15 00:30
Bet those gave the trumpet's tone a different color. ![[tongue]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smilie6.gif)
Jeff
“Everyone discovers their own way of destroying themselves, and some people choose the clarinet.” Kalman Opperman, 1919-2010
"A drummer is a musician's best friend."
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Author: marshall
Date: 2008-12-15 02:07
Ah yes...yet another use for the K&M 4-leg stand...it prevents anything from slipping into the bell because that's where it's stored.
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Author: EuGeneSee
Date: 2008-12-15 03:10
Yes, the stories are funny . . . the puntificating really adds icing to the cake that can be topped only by a GBK limerick. Smiff
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Author: GBK
Date: 2008-12-15 03:40
A tuba kid came in and cried:
"No sound will come out - and I tried."
Got some tools from K-Mart,
So I took it apart.
A bag lunch was hiding inside.
...GBK
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