 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: mrn
Date: 2008-09-25 18:28
Some signs that you play clarinet:
* People think you collect World War II-era artillery because
you're constantly talking about such things as 65mm barrels and
German blanks.
* You think the river separating Texas and Louisiana should be pronounced
"Za-bee-na."
* When your spouse asks you to pick up some cotton swabs at the
drug store/chemist's shop, you reply that you prefer silk swabs.
* The tobacco store people are really starting to wonder just what it is
you're doing with all those cigarette papers you buy and is it legal?
* You think it's a disgrace that Plutarch's biography of Marcellus makes
no mention of clarinet playing (and it's in the "Classical" section of the
library, for Pete's sake!).
* You find that other ancient book, the Book of Kells, equally disappointing.
That book of Brymer's was much better.
* When someone tells you there's a new Chinese buffet, you
immediately phone Francois Kloc to make sure it isn't true.
* When you visit Paris, you pass right by Van Gogh's apartment and never
notice because you are preoccupied with those other "Van" folks next
door.
* But you know the real reason Van Gogh cut off his ear.
* When someone thinks you sound very bright, you take it as an insult.
* Whenever you hear anything being decried as a tremendous bore, you
immediately reply, "I rather like the sound of my B&H 1010, thank you!"
* When you watch detective shows on TV and they say the victim was
found with ligature marks, you think the most likely culprit was a Bonade.
* You think some or all of the above is funny.
Post Edited (2008-09-25 18:45)
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Author: GBK
Date: 2008-09-25 19:43
More signs that you play clarinet:
1. You have Phil Rovner's phone number programmed on your speed dial.
2. Your computer home page is "Ebay - Alto Clarinet - Mouthpieces"
3. You've named your first two children "Mark" and "Charette"
4. You routinely replace all your ligatures every 3 years due to "ligature blow out".
5. You know the difference between Bonade and Benade.
6. You know the names of all the woodwind players in the Cleveland Orchestra
under Szell but you can't remember your kids' birthdays.
7. When you hear that the Army is using M16's in Iraq, you immediately think
of Vandoren mouthpieces.
8. You only need ligatures beginning with letters "Q" or "Z" to complete your
entire collection of the full alphabetical list of all ligatures.
9. You absolutely have to know what kind of thumbrest cushion Morales uses.
10. In your collection of reeds, you still have 4 boxes of "Anton Stadler Viennese Cut #3"
11. You answer most music questions with "listen to the Marcellus recording".
...GBK
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Author: FDF
Date: 2008-09-25 22:29
You have flyin' fingers!
Explanation: not flying off the charts, not flying off the wall, but flying over the keys and tone holes.
Post Edited (2008-09-25 22:32)
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Author: Ryder
Date: 2008-09-26 00:58
-All of your favorites are clarinet related
-All of your favorite youtube vids are clarinet related
-You seperate your wardrobe by "rehearsal/practice wear" and "i have nothing else to wear because all i do is play my clarinet"
-you have a picture of a clarinet in your bathroom above your toilet
-when someone says "fun" you say "Klose"
-you enjoy the taste of new reeds
-you use a broken, or a crappy buffet mouthpiece as a toothbrush holder.
____________________
Ryder Naymik
San Antonio, Texas
"We pracice the way we want to perform, that way when we perform it's just like we practiced"
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Author: pewd
Date: 2008-09-26 01:10
i guess i'm guilty of that last one, huh? 
- Paul Dods
Dallas, Texas
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Author: JJAlbrecht
Date: 2008-09-26 01:54
The only time you even think of using Superglue is when you are mixing it with wood dust to repair a small crack.
You actually know the differences between different bore oil formulations, and which are best for the wood.
You get into a knockdown-dragout with your best friend (also a clarinet player) over who made the definitive recording of K.622.
You obsess about temperature and humidity, and keep a supply of various reeds to deal with the climate.
You went to see "Amadeus" just on the off-chance that they would mention or play something from K.622.
You haven't spoken to your old high school friend since she bought a Selmer.
You have dreams about finding a stash of Morres.
You realize that someone talking about "White Masters" may not be referring to the bad old days before the American Civil War.
When someone talks about getting a bad case of VD, you wonder if it's Rue LePic, Blue Box or V12s.
Jeff
“Everyone discovers their own way of destroying themselves, and some people choose the clarinet.” Kalman Opperman, 1919-2010
"A drummer is a musician's best friend."
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Author: Ryder
Date: 2008-09-26 03:11
Paul,
Funny thing...I have two...yes two... toothbrush holders/mouthpieces. I recently had a horrible mouthpiece accident and chipped my Fobes. I ordered another so now i have this broken $200 mouthpiece laying around. Maybe a "his and hers" combo???
____________________
Ryder Naymik
San Antonio, Texas
"We pracice the way we want to perform, that way when we perform it's just like we practiced"
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Author: pewd
Date: 2008-09-26 05:57
lol at ryder.
paint one blue, one pink...
- Paul Dods
Dallas, Texas
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Author: Shi-Ku Chishiki
Date: 2008-09-26 06:31
I'll say this much.. you people are way, way ahead of me. I read all the "signs" and found only about two or three that mean anything to me. The rest were all way over my head. Oh well. At least I understand "Pete"!
Shi-Ku Chishiki ShiKu.Chishiki@Gmail.com
It's not the clarinet that makes the player, but the player that makes the clarinet!
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Author: clariniano
Date: 2008-09-26 13:05
You know your are a clarinetist...
When you have multiple recordings of the Mozart Clarinet Concerto, and the Weber Clarinet Concertos.
When you can identify clarinetists by how they sound
When most of your friends play clarinet
When you look for the big-name clarinetists on social networking sites like Facebook.
When you think of a barrel as the part of the instrument that connects the mouthpiece to the upper joint, and not something to age wine in!
When you think the "A" in A Clarinet refers to the key the instrument is in!
When you browse clarinet bulletin boards like this one!
Meri
Please check out my website at: http://donmillsmusicstudio.weebly.com and my blog at: http://clariniano.wordpress.com
Post Edited (2008-09-26 15:31)
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Author: lj
Date: 2008-09-26 19:49
mrn--too funny! I enjoyed your conceptual blend between the clarinet world and the rest of the world.
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Author: skygardener
Date: 2008-09-27 13:35
- No matter the source of the aroma, you refer to the smell of dust and mildew as the "sweet pre-restoration smell" and you get misty-eyed about it!
- Every time you look a cutting/sanding tool of any kind, you think, "I wonder if I can use this for reeds."
- You doubt that the glass top of your coffee table is flat.
- After a kiss, your date asks, "Do you smell tires?"
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Author: davetrow
Date: 2008-09-27 17:43
"When you think of a barrel as the part of the instrument that connects the mouthpiece to the upper joint, and not something to age wine in!"
As both an amateur winemaker and clarinetist, it sometimes takes me a moment to figure out which barrel we're talking about!
Dave Trowbridge
Boulder Creek, CA
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