 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: C2thew
Date: 2007-12-07 04:55
My friend told me his story back when he was in college when he slipped a nude picture into the conductor's score during the final concert, which made the conductor flip out for a second, throw the picture aside, and kept conducting. What was the most hilarious prank you've ever done to your fellow musicians?
Our inventions are wont to be pretty toys, which distract our attention from serious things. they are but improved means to an unimproved end, an end which was already but too easy to arrive as railroads lead to Boston to New York
-Walden; Henry Thoreau
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Author: David Spiegelthal ★2017
Date: 2007-12-07 05:03
Our high school orchestra director was an older woman, very nice and a good musician but a bit prone to being confused sometimes. So we wind players pulled this on her: each of us chose an instrument other than our usual ones (e.g a clarinetist might have taken a French horn, etc.), and practiced it assiduously (in secret) for a number of weeks. Then one rehearsal, although sitting in our usual seats, we all brought our 'new' instruments instead of our regular ones. The conductor had us tune, and frowned a bit as something sounded a bit 'off' to her, but at that point she didn't notice anything amiss visually. Then she gave the downbeat for the piece (which I think was a Dvorak Slavonic Dance, something like that) and we valiantly played for a good dozen bars on instruments not our own, when finally she cut us off, scowled hard, but then burst out laughing when she realized what we had done. A good time was had by all.
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Author: DavidBlumberg
Date: 2007-12-07 13:18
8th grade Williams & Mary Summer Music School Concert:
We were about the play the National Emblem March. The director wanted to have a brief percussion solo before the piece actually started. So he gets onto the podium and lifts his arms (directed towards the percussion, but my friend Paul Skinner wasn't paying attention enough). I see Paul lift his Clarinet up and I looked at the next player to my left. We had a brief meeting of the minds and he picked up his Clarinet and put it in "ready position" also.
The Director starts conducting and 1st chair Paul lets out the first big high note "rip" - we sat there frozen with our Clarinets in our mouths laughing.
He probably plays that march all the time as he's in the Naval Academy Band, so I wonder if he thinks of that when he plays it.
http://www.SkypeClarinetLessons.com
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Author: DavidBlumberg
Date: 2007-12-07 13:22
One of my students at the FAME Music Festival was playing the Francaix Quintet for a Bassoon Instructor who was their coach. This Bassoonist was considered a real jerk by most everyone - seedy kind of guy. Joshua comes over to me and tells me afterwards that he had made a mistake that the coach didn't even notice - he was playing the wrong pitched Clarinet for the coaching......
http://www.SkypeClarinetLessons.com
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Author: Copland
Date: 2007-12-07 13:32
Nice thread!
I personally haven't had many opportunities to pull pranks on my peers, but my Wind Ensemble director is the master of pranks! However, they're usually spurred by his anger towards a classmate of mine.
Sometimes, you get those kids who never come to their lessons, and slack off during band. As most band directors do, he hates these people. Part of these peoples' slacking off involves 'going to the bathroom' at the beginning of band and not coming back until half way through band.
For clarinet players that do this, he'll stick a nickel or penny in the joint between the mouthpiece and barrel of the clarinet. Obviously, this blocks the airflow, so when the player returns, they find that the clarinet won't even utter a note.
For brass players (he's a trombonist himself), he will stick their mouthpieces in his microwave for a little while (not long enough to start sparking, but long enough to get REALLY hot). Then, he'll put the mouthpiece back on the instrument, so when the brass player comes back, it feels like their mouthpiece is on fire.
Personally, me and a friend have teamed up several times during honors bands to try to creep out the people next to us. One time, (we were sitting next to eachother) and we each were using a shoelace ligatures. That's not the weird part. The weird part is that we had procured one of those GIANT boot shoelaces, and we were using the same shoelace as ligatures. So, there was a giant string connecting my clarinet mouthpiece to his. That got us some pretty weird looks! Of course, we used our regular ligatures for the final concert.
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Author: Alseg
Date: 2007-12-07 13:56
Story from Joseph Gigliotti, Anthony's dad:
A clarinetist who was known to be a prankster placed a mustard plaster solution on the seat of an oboist during a concert.
The oboist squirmed the entire time, his butt hot from the chemical.
The clarinetist was fired.
He never said who the clarinetist was.
Former creator of CUSTOM CLARINET TUNING BARRELS by DR. ALLAN SEGAL
-Where the Sound Matters Most(tm)-
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Author: feadog79
Date: 2007-12-07 16:22
When I was in high school, I dressed up as my band director during a marching band practice. We were about the same height, with very similar build and complexion. He had a habit of wearing baseball caps with the brim left flat, and a pair of the sunglasses that fit over regular eyeglasses...you know, the type that elderly people tend to wear (...no offense if anyone reading uses them!!!). So, I also wore a hat and the same sunglasses. I would sneak up behind friends of mine and start yelling at them for screwing around (mimicking his voice/mannerisms, of course...). Everyone I tried it on freaked out, and thought I was him!
Thankfully, the director saw the humor in it too!!
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Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2007-12-07 17:58
I had an A clarinet when I was in high school. I would put the bottom half of my Bb on my A upper joint and a friend would put the bottom half of my A on his Bb upper joint, making two clarinets sort of in B natural, each out of tune in its own horrible way.
Then we would play duets. It took only about 15 seconds to bring the band director on the dead run.
Duets for 2 Bbs played on Eb and Bb also produce a decidedly odd, parallel-fourths "Chinese" harmony.
(As you can see, I had a dreadfully non-sinful adolescence.)
Ken Shaw
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Author: redwine
Date: 2007-12-07 18:17
Hello,
David, I'm playing a concert with Paul Skinner tonight. I'll be sure to mention the story to him. I'll let you know what he says about thinking of that every time we play National Emblem (probably about 50 times a year).
So, for mine, I was principal clarinet in a summer opera orchestra one summer, maybe 15 years ago or so. We had a kind of goofy conductor. There was a light bulb installed on his music stand. When the light bulb turned on, it was time to start the overture. He never really did start, though, until he got a visual cue from the stage as well. So, one night, I rewired the light bulb so that I had control of it. About 10 minutes before we were supposed to start, I turned on the light. He kind of freaked out, put his baton up, checked the stage, etc., then I turned the light off. This repeated about 5 times before he finally connected the wild laughter with this light phenomenon.
Ben Redwine, DMA
owner, RJ Music Group
Assistant Professor, The Catholic University of America
Selmer Paris artist
www.rjmusicgroup.com
www.redwinejazz.com
www.reedwizard.com
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Author: DavidBlumberg
Date: 2007-12-07 19:06
Minor prank 8th grade in jr. youth orchestra (me and Paul this time) was we were tapping our feet on the flutists chairs in front of us while playing.
But of course we weren't taping in time with the beat 
Didn't take them long at all to get quite annoyed with it.
http://www.SkypeClarinetLessons.com
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Author: C2thew
Date: 2007-12-07 22:26
haha that was hilarious about the light switch and the conductor story. good stuff. where is everyone? are we all that respectful?
Our inventions are wont to be pretty toys, which distract our attention from serious things. they are but improved means to an unimproved end, an end which was already but too easy to arrive as railroads lead to Boston to New York
-Walden; Henry Thoreau
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Author: Alphie
Date: 2007-12-08 00:58
A ”bachelor's party” in my country means that the male friends of the groom-to-be abduct the groom under spectacular forms for an also spectacular last night with the guys before getting married.
Anyway, our co-principal clarinettist was about to get married in a few days so we were planning a bachelor's party for him. The abduction should be on stage at a rehearsal.
As we were at the end of a rehearsal of Debussy’s “L’apres-midi d’un faune”, the conductor at the time Jukka-Pekka Saraste turned to him and asked him to play the open solo alone one time. After having done that he didn’t give him any instructions but was only standing there silently for a long time before asking him to play it again.
A strange atmosphere spread through the orchestra as the same thing happened again.
Now I asked the conductor if he wanted him to play the solo somewhat differently. The conductor said: “Maybe he should stand up or what do you think?” Then we started a discussion over my principal’s head about how he could interpret the solo differently. Finally I said to the conductor that I thought he had played it all right the first time so what was he arguing about. I turned to my colleague and said: “You don’t have to take more **** from this guy, you played it beautifully.” He turned to me and said in a state of shock: “Thank you” and gave me a hug. I said to him: “We’re out of here, come on”. Still in a state of shock not knowing what was going on he refused to leave. Then I blew a whistle and the rest of the guys came on stage and took him away.
We had a great evening. He and his wife had their first baby a few months ago.
Aphie
Post Edited (2007-12-09 11:33)
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Author: redwine
Date: 2007-12-08 15:36
Hello,
So, I related the story to Paul Skinner last night. He just laughed and kind of blew it off, but kept talking about his long friendship with you, David. I think your story took him down "memory lane". Did you know he is married now and has a young son (maybe 1.5 years old) and another baby on the way?
Ben Redwine, DMA
owner, RJ Music Group
Assistant Professor, The Catholic University of America
Selmer Paris artist
www.rjmusicgroup.com
www.redwinejazz.com
www.reedwizard.com
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Author: EuGeneSee
Date: 2007-12-08 16:37
I had a prank pulled on me in HS by someone in the clarinet section (I never found out who). Just before the start of a concert, while I was away from my seat, someone pulled my clarinet apart at the middle joint, hung a long strip of plastic or ribbon down in the bore with a small part lying over the edge of the temon to hold the strip in place when the horn was reassembled.
For a while, my horn had an odd buzzing sound to it, sounding more like an oboe than a clarinet. It finally quit, I guess because the strip became moist and stuck to the side of the bore. For a while the wierd sound had me very worried that I had lost a pad or something, and other band members and the director gave me some strange looks.
Eu
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Author: JJAlbrecht
Date: 2007-12-08 18:07
Back in high school, during the stone ages, one of the (shall we say) less than brilliant trumpet players left the stage to get a drink of water during the rehearsal. His fellow trumpets "appropriated" the mute he would need for a particular piece and hid it in someone's case.
When Don returned and couldn't find the mute, he started asking his section mates.At first, everyone acted like nobody had any idea what he was talking about. Then one of the "usual suspects" looked stealthily up into the rafters above the stage. The poor sucker almost went up onto the catwalks to retrieve his mute. They finally came clean.
Jeff
“Everyone discovers their own way of destroying themselves, and some people choose the clarinet.” Kalman Opperman, 1919-2010
"A drummer is a musician's best friend."
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Author: tdinap
Date: 2007-12-08 20:07
In my senior year of high school, the drama club put on a production of Pirates of Penzance. If you're familiar with the show, perhaps you remember that in some productions, during the Pirate King's song "Oh better far to live and die", he comes downstage and has a brief "swordfight" with the conductor, who normally uses his baton. Well, on closing night, after three performances with innocent, sword-vs.-baton fights, the conductor decided to bring in an actual sword borrowed from his brother and keep it next to him in the pit. The look on the Pirate King's face when he saw our 6'3" conductor start to swing a huge, gleaming sword at him was priceless.
Tom
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Author: bob49t
Date: 2007-12-09 07:59
This thread reminde me again of the old used pad, spring or screw placed below your desk mate's chair. A subtle glance in it's direction just after tune up and before playing has a remarkable effect on the natural skin tones of the face and neck.
BobT........ not that any of you would be cruel enough to do that.
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Author: joeyscl
Date: 2007-12-09 18:25
When the neighboring clarinetist isn't looking, (or rather, paying attention to something else)... I gently loosened her ligature...
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Author: edk
Date: 2007-12-10 18:01
Plenty of opportunity for hijinks in my career as an orchestral percussionist. In graduate school, the University orchestra was performing the orchestral version of Appalaichian Spring at a public school run-out concert - I was playing the glock part at the very end - the 3 "moonbeams" with harp. One of the other percussionists switched around the bars on the glock without me noticing - I think I played 2 D#s and a F# instead of 2 E naturals and a G natural. Needless to say, I got a pretty good glare from the conductor.
I got even the next day when I taped a couple of nickles to the bottom of the suspended cymbal when my section mate was playing the long &(supposed-to-be) soft roll during one of the cadenzas in Cappricio Espangole.
edk
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Author: Ed
Date: 2007-12-10 19:34
A friend of mine had conducted "Annie" on Broadway for a few years back in the 80's. He tells me of various pranks that were pulled (partially to stave off boredom).
One evening he entered the pit to conduct the overture and gave a good strong downbeat. The entire orchestra came in one beat late, having obviously worked this out ahead of time. He tells me that for that split second, he nearly had a heart attack.
Post Edited (2007-12-10 19:34)
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Author: Alseg
Date: 2007-12-10 23:31
3-B's sweatshirts were the rage in the early 1960s...Bach, Beethoven, Brahms....in black line drawings on a white or gray sweatshirt.
Well, we had an eccentric music teacher named E. Page Bailey*.
And we had a talented artist student (Jerry Roller) who was skilled at cutting portraits in linoleum blocks.
Imagine the teacher's face when he showed up one day (Leeds Jr High School in Philadelphia) and all the students were decked out in....you guessed it....Bailey sweatshirts.
*he relocated to his birthplace in Oregon or Washington, and died a few years ago. I found his obituary online.
Former creator of CUSTOM CLARINET TUNING BARRELS by DR. ALLAN SEGAL
-Where the Sound Matters Most(tm)-
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Author: Iceland clarinet
Date: 2007-12-11 01:54
My marching band were playing the last concert in Bad Orb in Germany were we have been 3 times to a marching band festival and we will go next autum again. We were going to start playing Soul bossa nova(Austin Power's theme song) but when the conductor started the song we played a march song by Páll Pampichler Pálsson(Austrian composer who lived in Iceland for some years in 70's and 80's I remember conducting the symphony orchestra,marching band and male choir) and his eyes just popped out and his chin dropped down for like 15-20 sec it was so funny.
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Author: DaveF
Date: 2007-12-11 05:17
A very talented friend of mine told me this story of a prank he pulled. He was the Phantom in Phantom of the Opera, the US touring company during the approx. years 1988 through 1997. At one point in the show the Phantom climbs some rigging along the side of the stage, hidden from the audience, and he eventually appears way above the stage. While he was climbing, he noticed an audience member in the front row about to take a photograph. He actually was only a few feet away but hidden from the audience. He then spoke in a quiet voice, but audible to this person: "The taking of photographs or recordings during the performance is strickly forbidden!" The person with the camera put it down and looked around. The Phantom enjoyed that moment.
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Author: redwine
Date: 2007-12-11 13:34
Hello,
OK, so the best musician story I ever heard was relayed by my student teacher mentor while I was in college. He was at that time the local high school band director (Norman, Oklahoma), but at the time of the story, he was a junior high band director.
He had a terrible problem of kids not changing their reeds and it was a daily battle of continually telling students that their sound was bad because their reed was so old. One Monday morning, he had a particularly bad session with several students sporting ancient reeds and he had complained about it all morning.
Evidently, one of his sax students had done something bad over the weekend and was running from the law. The police tracked him down at the school and discovered he was in band class. So, there's a knock on the door of the band room. My mentor answers the door and standing in the hallway is the principal and two policemen. They are afraid that the student will flee, so one policemen postitions himself at the second door, while the band director tells the student to come to the front door. When the student gets near the front door, the policeman enters and grabs the kid and escorts him out.
My mentor turns to the astonished class and says "now everyone get a new reed!"
--If I heard this one second hand, I would not believe it, but since it came from the "horse's mouth", I do. Perhaps he embellished a bit, but nevertheless, it's a great story.
Ben Redwine, DMA
owner, RJ Music Group
Assistant Professor, The Catholic University of America
Selmer Paris artist
www.rjmusicgroup.com
www.redwinejazz.com
www.reedwizard.com
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Author: Ralph Katz
Date: 2007-12-12 02:27
Gilbert & Sullivan's "Patience" has a clarinet cadenza. The soprano takes the end of the candenza as her cue for the next song.
One night, with the conductor's knowledge but few other peoples', I extended the written cadenza by quite a bit, with material from several other cadenzas in the standard clarinet repertoire. I watched out of one eye as Patience took a big breath, and held it, and held it, and held it.
-----
A longstanding G&S orchestra tradition had been the "Goldberg 7th". After the last performance of each run, on the last note of the playoff music, Goldberg, a horn player, would play the 7th of the chord.
The last time he did this, the conductor (who went on to a conducting career in New York), had his family and teachers in the audience from out of town. Unfortunately, the last note of this particular show was not a chord but a unison, and the 7th stuck out like a sore thumb.
The conductor flew into a rage, broke his baton in two, and stormed out of the pit. We all knew who did it, but we weren't talking.
"Who did that? Was it Goldberg? He'll never play here again. You know who played that note! Tell me or I'll blackball you, too!" etc.
Nobody was blackballed, but so ended a tradition.
-----
An amateur production of "La Belle Helene" by Offenbach. Bob, a tenor, had a farm outside of town where he kept a variety of animals.
One of the characters is disguised as a shepherd, but the soprano isn't buying it. "Where are your sheep?" she asks.
Saturday night, stage left, we see the crew trying to push a live sheep onto the stage. But the lights are bright, and the sheep isn't going.
Two cowboy boots, on denimed legs, jut out from the wings tryng to get the sheep to make its proper entrance, but the sheep still balks. Finally, the sheep is out-flanked and comes into full view.
Hilarious laughter. Everyone is completely taken by surprise. The audience roars. The cast roars. Within a minute, everyone is in tears. The conductor tries to give the next cue, but the orchestra is laughing too hard to start. It takes 10 minutes for things to settle down.
The sheep wasn't Bob's - he "borrowed" it from a friend. Earlier in the day, he and the house tech had emptied a storage room, filled it with straw, and sneaked in the sheep.
This was just outside the womens chorus dressing room, and every so often the sheep had baa'ed.
One of the women remarked, "I thought that was Ron warming up."
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Author: brycon
Date: 2007-12-12 05:39
This comes first hand from a highschool band director:
There was this oboist in his highschool honor band that could not play to save her life, and unfortunately she had an important solo in one of their competition pieces. He thought her reeds were bad so he continually asked her to show them to her private teacher. Each week she would show her reeds to her teacher, but this was no help. The band director was starting to get nervous with competitions getting closer so he secretly asked his first trumpet player to learn all the oboe solos.
Before the first competition the oboist has a highly respected performer/teacher make her a reed to play. Although it sounds horrible the band director tells her that this is the answer to his prayers. Every rehearsal leading up to the competition he tells the oboist how wonderful she sounds and that her new reed must be the answer.
The day of the competition the oboist only brings her special reed which, according to the band director's praise, is the only one she sounds good on. In the warm-up room he asks the oboist to tune the ensemble, but after playing the A he stops the group. He tells her the reed sounds bad, and of course she gets upset because this is now her only reed.
This band director was an oboist in college, and to calm her down he volunteers to take a look at it. While looking at the reed he "accidentally" slips and breaks the reed in half. "Oh no, I broken your only reed," he tells her. Then he looks at the band as if pondering what to do and asks the first trumpet, "is there any way you could play her solos today?"
It's not really a prank but still pretty devious.
Here's a prank everyone with Buffets can try:
Those silly keys no one uses actually work for every Buffet case (at least the ones I've done this prank on). It's pretty funny to lock someone's case before or during rehearsal and watch them freak out trying to figure out what's happened.
Post Edited (2007-12-12 05:42)
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Author: Tim P
Date: 2007-12-12 12:22
Not so much a prank, I guess but definitely an indication of the "changing times" I am not condoning the follow action, nor am I criticizing it. It might fall into the category of “situational ethics”, you be the judge.
During my high school band days and during a cold, wet football game a group of us procured a bottle of whiskey which we but to its intended use.
Part way though the game as we sat there soaking wet and cold we spotted the band director's unattended cup of coffee sitting on the bleaches. A prank was born. We proceeded to dump a heaping supply of whiskey in the coffee and sat back and waited for his reaction.
He drank it with no reaction what so ever. He then walked over to the concession stand, bought another cup of coffee, placed it in the exact location and walked away.
We obliged.
Nothing was said and the act was never repeated by either side, ever again. Maybe because it was such miserable weather it just seemed fitting, I don’t know.
Foot note: As I remember everyone left the game in sober and responsible manner, howbeit cold and wet.
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Author: CharlestonDoubler
Date: 2007-12-13 00:43
OK I've got three:
One. High School Honors Band concert. Everyone conspires on this one to make sure there is no screw up. We finish a Sousa march and the "guest" conductor really nails the stinger. Problem is, we didn't play it. He wasn't at all happy.
Two. Youth symphony rehearsal. I put a balled up paper towel inside the bell of the principal's clarinet during a break. Tuning note after the break results in him turning purple trying to play a long B. He's getting pretty nervous and the conductor asks what the problem is. He is playing all over the horn but of course the long B and low E won't sound. I ask if I can take a look. He hands me the horn and I hold it with the bell between my legs. I then lean the horn back in his direction and ask him if it's ok if I try to play on his reed. While he's looking at it, I pull the paper towel out very discretely. It plays great and I give it back. No one ever knew...
I'm not at all proud of either of these, but in a misdirected youth, they both seemed like a good idea. Hopefully, a little wisdom has come with age.
Three: I'm playing second clarinet in a professional orchestra and during a rest in the piano concerto, the principal accidently kicks his metal cap which goes bouncing down the risers. The principal turns his head very slowly in my direction and gives me a death ray stare while slowly shaking his head. Everyone in the audience and all my fellow musicians thought I am a very clumsy oaf. The principal is still a good friend and he still laughs mightily whenever I tell this story. He says it is my job to make him look good.......
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Author: saxlite
Date: 2007-12-13 01:35
Our high school band room had a rear door with a stairway down to the cafeteria. Rather than counting empty bars, the percussionists used to sneak out and get a soda during long rests. We were rehearsing some potboiler, a Rossini overture I think, where the music built gradually until there was a climax with a solo cymbal crash- and when the big moment came- no cymbal player! The conductor realized where the offender must be, ran out and grabbed him and said we will do this again and that cymbal crash had better be there! So, we started again at the top- and one of the other guys sneaked out and brought back a couple of garbage can lids. Our conductor closed his eyes and built the ensemble to to the climax- and there it was- the most wonderful clang of garbage can lids! The conductor had a total breakdown and did not return for two weeks. I think this was my most vivid recollection of my high school band career.........
Jerry Zis
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Author: Taryn
Date: 2007-12-13 19:05
I was in National Concert Band of a couple of years, which is basically a bunch of 15-21 year olds with very little supervision in a hotel together for a week. I'd had an ongoing feud with the tuba player next door. We spent the week stealing each others room keys, duct taping our doors shut, ect. He had 2 tubas with him, so I thought it would be funny to hide them both. Unfortunately, after stealing them and hiding them in my room (with help) he stole my room key, and I was unable to get back in. Unfortunately, his band director was looking for one of them, as was his classmate, so we got to spend the night looking for a room key to get the missing tubas.
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Author: Ralph Katz
Date: 2007-12-14 00:03
At the very end of my senior year at Oak Park High, I was practicing one day, in the isolated practice rooms above the band room. Gerry Naftale, a sophomore who played bari sax, called me down for something inane, and when I got back to my room, my R-13 and R-13A were both missing.
"Gerry, someone took my clarinets. Do you know where they are?", I asked.
"No, ha ha, I don't know who's got your clarinets."
"Gerry, this isn't funny. Where are my clarinets?"
"I don't, ha ha, know where they are."
"Gerry, I'm only going to ask one more time. Where are my clarinets."
"Ha ha, I don't know where they are."
And then, something unfortunate happened.
"OK, OK, OK - I'll go get your horns right now."
-----
Skip 20 years during which I haven't seen or heard from Gerry.
I am playing a Klezmer gig, dedication day for an major expansion of the Jewish Community Center in Oak Park. There is a big tent with a stage and folding chairs for maybe 300 people setup outside.
We play for a while, and then break for the ceremonies
Someone is yakking on and on from the podium, and I scan the front row, where the person front and center is very well dressed, very attentive, and obviously very important.
Suddenly I realize that this is Gerry Naftale. Our drummer points to him and asks, "Isn't that the Mayor of Oak Park?"
Gerry and I spoke cordially, and very briefly.
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