 The Clarinet BBoard
|
Author: William
Date: 2000-07-10 23:27
Hear about the symphony player who corresponded for years with George Burns wife?? He just loved Gracie notes!!!
OK--What's yours?
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Meri
Date: 2000-07-10 23:37
This one isn't that funny if you are an E-flat player (I am one, so don't kill me) but...
What's an E-flat clarinet good for?
Torturing an egoistical first clarinet. (and the rest of the band or orchestra)
How many clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to put the bulb in and the other three to say they can do it faster and higher.
*or*
One, but they'll spend two hours tinkering with it. That, or they'll go through their reeds until they find the perfect one.
Meri
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Kontragirl
Date: 2000-07-11 03:10
How many contrabass clarinet players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Both of them.
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Jeff
Date: 2000-07-11 03:29
OK, I couldn't resist.
What's a clarinet player's definition of a nerd?
Someone who owns their own Eb Alto Clarinet!
Sorry if I offended anyone!
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Ginny
Date: 2000-07-11 05:08
How many clarinet players to change a light bulb?
Just one, but they need to go through a box of ten to find the one that works.
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Contragirl
Date: 2000-07-11 15:26
OK.
What do you call 10 clarinets at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
What do you call a clarinetist with half a brain?
A good bass clarinetist.
What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
A Talented Contrabass player.
How do you keep an oboe from being stolen?
Put it in a clarinet case.
I think I have almost heard them all...
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Lelia
Date: 2000-07-11 20:20
Q: Why does a bass clarinet have a metal bell?
A: To hold the ashes from the rest of the instrument.
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Amanda Rose
Date: 2000-07-11 20:31
OK.
What do you call 10 clarinets at the bottom of
the ocean?
A good start.
I always thought this one was about percussionists. Or violists.
What do you call a clarinetist with half a
brain?
A good bass clarinetist.
I've heard this one, but as "gifted".
Here's a few more that I've come across.......
"The clarinet is a musical instrument the only thing worse than which is two."
-- The Devil's Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce
clarinet: name used on your second daughter if you've already used Betty Jo.
I just think this one is funny...
Maestro (to Horns): "Give us the F in tune!"
Violist (to Maestro): "Please can we have the F-in' tune too?"
Math/Logic Quiz
1.Wilson is tired of paying for clarinet reeds. If he adopts a policy of playing only on rejected reeds from his colleagues will he be able to retire on the money he has saved if he invests it in mutual bonds, yielding 8.7%, before he is fired from his job? If not, calculate the probablitity of him ever working in a professional symphony orchestra again!
I sinks that's all I gots!!!
Amanda Rose
PS: My favorite is still the light bulb one. (A whole box of bulbs before she finds just the right one)
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Amber
Date: 2000-07-12 17:06
Please, Eb players don't kill me but I though this was sooo funny and I also play Eb so it would apply to me too.
Did you hear the news about the van that ran off the end of a cliff, with the eb players going to the clarinet convention?
Good news, no survivers
Bad news, the van was only half full!!!!!!
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: connie
Date: 2000-07-13 01:33
Why did the clarinet player put his case on the dashboard?
--------So he could park in the handicapped space.
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Alphie
Date: 2000-07-14 11:05
I posted this in April, but here we go again:
An Eb-clarinet player's thoughts in a concert:
What is the most beautiful solo?
The solo that the principal is playing now.
What is the most nerve-wrecking solo?
The solo that I'm just about to play.
What is the most difficult solo?
The solo that I'm just playing.
What is the most rewarding solo?
The solo that I've just played and don't have to play again for a while.
Thank you.
Alphie
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
The Clarinet Pages
|
 |
.jpg){kind=small}
.jpg){kind=small}
.jpg){kind=small}
.jpg){kind=small}
.jpg){kind=small}
.jpg){kind=small}
