 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: Michelle S
Date: 2000-05-28 20:20
Thanks for all the encouragement and advice, but I am not going to keep my horn. Since this board isn't for soap operas, I'll spare you the gory details. I wish you all good luck in your musical endeavors.
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Author: Bob Gardner
Date: 2000-05-28 23:33
If i remember right you are the one who's husband didn't like her to play. i was thinking about your situation and i was going to suggest that you play before you walk the dog. That way when the king arrives home you are out the door walking the dog.
Sorry that you are giving up. There has to be a better answer.
Peace
Michelle S wrote:
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Thanks for all the encouragement and advice, but I am not going to keep my horn. Since this board isn't for soap operas, I'll spare you the gory details. I wish you all good luck in your musical endeavors.
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Author: drew
Date: 2000-05-29 03:33
Michelle,
Keep the horn! Your situation might not allow time or places for playing now, but that will change. If you enjoy playing, keep the horn and it will be ready and available for you later.
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Author: Karel Vahala
Date: 2000-05-29 08:05
Michelle, if it is your husband that's the problem, keep the horn and exchange him for a more music-friendly model. Lots of men out there, to lose a lifetime of music pleasure for a faulty specimen.
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Author: anon
Date: 2000-05-29 19:37
Thanks for all the encouragement and advice, but I am not going to keep my horn. Since this board isn't for soap operas, I'll spare you the gory details. I wish you all good luck in your musical endeavors.
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Michelle, Its much easier being a martyr rather than to strive for something with artistic meaning and purpose. I hope your "sacrifice" is worth it.
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Author: Willie
Date: 2000-05-30 04:16
I kinda agree with Karel, and you're hearing this from a male. Whip that horn out and start playing. If he can't handle it, hand him the leash an point him towards the door. We just had our 20th anniversary here. We didn't get there by trying to dominate each other.
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Author: Meredith H
Date: 2000-05-30 06:00
Hi guys, it was me that had the husband problems. Believe me he is not the king of our house he just tends to be a bit moody when he arrives home from work (aren't we all?) and he would like to enjoy a few peaceful moments. Things are looking up after I told him exactly what I thought and we have reached a bit of a compromise. He stays at work a bit longer so I have time to get in a bit of practice before he comes home. There is not much I can do to soften the sound of my clarinet but when I practice my tenor horn I put my practice mute in it so it isn't as loud.
I really don't want to trade my husband in as he really is well house-broken (he washes dishes, cooks, makes the beds, does the laundry and scrubs the toilet) so I guess I shouldn't complain too much because he doesn't appreciate my honking. I can sort of see where he is coming from, if he took up the drums and wanted to do all of his practice in the living room I would probably find that a bit hard to put with as well. However, I would never give up my instrument because he complained about my practice. The funny part is that he insisted we spent a big chunk of our savings on my pro-grade tenor horn so I guess some where deep down he does support what I do.
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Author: Dee
Date: 2000-05-30 14:51
Perhaps we can help you out. You were so excited about this and now something has happened.
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Author: William
Date: 2000-05-30 14:55
How about the Bass Clarinet? A great instrument that every group needs and more subdued (tone-wise) than the Bb sop. clarinet. Just a thought......
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Author: James
Date: 2000-05-31 15:23
I think many of us are interested in your plight. You can tell us the story and maybe we can offer advice and support. I went back and found your last post and you were so excited about your new E 11. What's going on? We don't want to loose a player who is so into it and excited. Mayeb we can help or at least listen.
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Author: Elke Schmidt
Date: 2000-05-31 19:03
Michelle,
A year and a half ago I asked my husband who is a professional pianist that I wanted to study the clarinet he said "why would you want to do that? I think I would go crazy if I had to hear some beginner practicing scales at all hours of the day." I was kind of downcast so I started looking on the web and I found this site and was encouraged. I got myself a teacher and study once a week. I used to practice at night but my husband said "you know I can't stand when you practice." Can you imagine? This is coming from an accomplished musician who knows how much work it takes for him to get where he is. Now I go to bed very early. Sometimes I sleep in the other bed. I wake up very early, close the door to our bedroom and all the hall doors in between and practice in the pantry for two hours while he is still sleeping. No he complains that I go to bed early but that's the way it is. I especially like Saturday and Sunday mornings because he sleeps late after a night of drinking (he does drink far too much on the weekends). He has never supported what I am trying to accomplish and never asks me to play duets. Yet he insists that I sit and listen to his latest piano composition. I have discovered that if you want to learn a challenging musical instrument like the clarinet you must find a way to practice every day.
First, you need to create time alone. Go to sleep early, get up early brew some coffee and have a couple of sips before you get into the shower and you'll feel pretty perky in no time. It is easy to get up early when you are getting up to do something you enjoy.
Second you need to create a practice area. Find the room that is farthest from the bedroom(s) even a closet, a second bathroom or the garage in the summer. If you have to hang up hooks so you can line the walls or to door with fabric do it. Whatever you do, don't let your husband tell you what to do.
Millions of Americans go to work and come home but never spend time nourishing talents and skills that can bring some meaning to their lives. We need to have our talents to grow and to have a sense of accomplishment. Go for it.
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Author: Dee
Date: 2000-05-31 20:58
To Elke,
I know that I don't know the whole story but it certainly sounds like you are stuck with a self-centered "little boy" with few redeeming features. To me, it seems that you have gone way past the extra mile in compromising and that he is demanding far more than is reasonable in any partnership, especially marriage.
Personally, I would force the issue and get a more equitable settlement for practicing. If this is symptomatic of the whole relationship, marriage counseling would be in order or you may find yourself pushed to the limit where you end up dumping him. No one should have to be a doormat to have a marriage.
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Author: Kontragirl
Date: 2000-05-31 23:08
I really really hope you can still play. You sounded so enthusiastic, and I was so excited for you. I would also be interested in lending you an ear and hearing the story about why you can't play clarinet.
I know it's off the subject, but I have a few stories like the above involving parents. I'm sure as a learning musician, it really hurt my friend's feelings, but now she looks back on it and laughs everytime she talks about it.
A friend of mine that plays sax, used to play clarinet because you have to learn clarinet before you can learn sax. Anyways, she had just learned how to play high notes, and she was so happy! She went into her room, and started wailing away! She came down for dinner and said to her mom, "I'm so happy! I learned high notes today!" and her mom said, "I know, but don't worry, you'll get better."
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Author: KevinS
Date: 2000-06-01 05:00
Michelle,
I'm in agreement with all on this BB. Don't give up on something you love and can bring extra meaning to your life. I still remember reading your earlier posts about buying your clarinet. I, along with the rest of the BB was very excited for you. I'm sorry to hear that you are so upset by something. I think you should try to stick with the horn, just for your own sake.
I remember how it felt to play the 1812 overture, hitting every note perfectly. The whole band was on that season! We got a standing ovation at every contest. This was one of THE great moments in my life. The electricity was there. I play for myself now, as I work about 50 hours per week. I still get great SATISFACTION from playing the instrument. There aren't a lot of things in life that can bring you true satisfaction. Please tell us your story. Maybe we can help
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