 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: Gandalfe
Date: 2006-02-18 21:30
Kudos to PaulWl, aka the professor, who just pinned this fine SOTW post which I have happily modified, with his permission for this forum. :o)
What follows a numerical scoring system to quantify clarinet-based Gear Acquisition Syndrome (GAS), I offer the following scale for your consideration.
For every clarinet you own over one each of SAB, give yourself 10 points.
- For each clarinet that is the same pitch as another clarinet, add 5 points.
- For each clarinet that hasn't been played in more than six months, add 5 points.
- For each mouthpiece in excess of the number of playable clarinets, add 2 points.
- For each mouthpiece that hasn't been played in more than six months, add 2 points.
- For each custom barrel add 10 points.
- For each custom lig add 10 points.
- For each mouthpiece professionally refaced, add 5 points.
- For each mouthpiece professionally refaced more than once, add 20 points.
- For each clarinet not currently playable, add 5 points.
- For each clarinet that has remained unplayable for more than one year, add 10 points.
- For each Eb soprano, countrabass, or clarinet in a key other than Bb or Eb, add 20 points.
- If you own or have ever owned more than one countrabass clarinet at a time, add 100 points.
- For each weirdo instrument such as metal, albert, padless, etc., add 25 points.
- For each Low Pitch, experimental, prototype, or 19th century instruments so obscure that most player wouldn't recognize the name, add 40 points.
Classifications:
0-9 points: You are relatively free of GAS. Blow in peace, and remember that an artist never blames his tools.
10-49 points: You have a roving eye but still put most of your air through the horn. Stay focused!
50-99 points: You may have GAS. If you're either spending more time acquiring gear than playing, or acquiring more gear than you'll have time to play, open an eBay store or seek support in the Clarinet BB.
100-199 points: You have GAS. In addition to the remedies previously discussed, family intervention may be necessary, along with moving to a smaller living space.
200-499 points: You have Bipolar-Acquisitive Disorder with GAS ("BAD GAS"). In BAD GAS phase, your living space HAS become smaller. Your family has either intervened or left completely. If you have ever attempted to play more than 3 clarinets at once, or gone more than a year without needing to buy reeds, you definitely have BAD GAS.
500 or more points: You are a GAS Hoarder, Obsessive Genus ("GAS HOG"). Why are you reading this? Go look at The Marketplace. Or eBay. Or netinstruments.com. Or Craigslist. Or the classifieds. Or...
Jim and Suzy
Pacifica Big Band
Seattle, Washington
Post Edited (2006-02-18 21:42)
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Author: Shorthand
Date: 2006-02-18 22:34
Recommended correction:
If you own or have ever owned more than one contrabass clarinet in the same key at a time, add 100 points.
You also need some kind of reed count, in terms of numbers or brands. I know I have about $100-$150 worth of reeds in my drawer that go to:
Soprano
Alto
Bass
Eb Contra
Bb Contra
How about 1 point for every reed that wouldn't fit any instrument you own?
Right now I score a lowly 15, but that's only because I picked up my Bb for no good reason. (Actually the unstaining thread made me think about it becasue its a 1986 Yamaha Model 34 with a very visible unstained spot on the lower joint.)
Nomally I would run a 24.
Come on folks, post your scores!
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Author: Clarinetgirl06
Date: 2006-02-18 22:38
90 points. Although I have 5 Bb soprano clarinets, 1 is pro, 2 are intermediates, and 2 are plastic. 1 plastic was my dad's and passed down to me, 1 was bought for marching band. 1 intermediate was bought and cracked 6 times, so I was given another for free from the company. The pro I bought for my senior year into college career. So, I dobt I really have close to any syndrome. Although.... if I had lots of spare money just lying around, I'd probably be over 200 points.
Post Edited (2006-02-18 22:39)
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Author: marcia
Date: 2006-02-19 00:19
Do instruments other than clarinet count as well? Example-saxophone, and, yes I dabble in "the other side" french horn. Or am I beyond redemption?
Marcia
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Author: Tony Beck
Date: 2006-02-19 01:59
I made 154 if you want to cound an oboe as a weirdo instrument. There should also be extra points for insruments with more keys, such as articulated G#, LH D#, and full Boehm, and a big bonus for an A full Boehm.
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Author: Gandalfe
Date: 2006-02-19 02:12
I'd say the oboe is a weirdo instrument. Just don't tell my wife I said that. ;o)
BTW, her score is over a 100.
Jim and Suzy
Pacifica Big Band
Seattle, Washington
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Author: johnsonfromwisconsin
Date: 2006-02-19 03:33
I scored a 30 for clarinet, and a 33 for saxophone. All of my clarinet score comes from the fact that I've that albert I bought at a garage sale sitting in my work pile not in playable condition.
Weee!
-JfW
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Author: Morrigan
Date: 2006-02-19 03:38
Zero! I'm so happy!
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Author: ClariTone
Date: 2006-02-19 04:17
Sorry Guys...I have GAS with 190 points!!!
Clayton
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Author: susieray
Date: 2006-02-19 05:12
355. ![[whoa]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smilie10.gif)
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Author: ElBlufer
Date: 2006-02-19 05:43
I got 37...I would probably score about 250 if I had a spare 15k laying around...
EDIT: Wow....the "custom ligatures" I use just doubled my score.
My Setup:
R13 Clarinet (Ridenour Lyrique as my backup/marching instrument)
Walter Grabner K11 mouthpiece
Rico Reserve 3.5's
Bonade ligature
Post Edited (2006-02-20 16:32)
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Author: pewd
Date: 2006-02-19 05:54
715
- Paul Dods
Dallas, Texas
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Author: SimpsonSaxGal
Date: 2006-02-19 05:54
48, if this were saxophones.
A measly 4 for clarinet.
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Author: Dominic
Date: 2006-02-19 11:49
Oh dear I got GAS - 140!
Dominic
Cardiff, UK
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Author: BobD
Date: 2006-02-19 11:49
Nice score susie. I was up near there but got lucky and sold a few.....but had to sell low!
Bob Draznik
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Author: crnichols
Date: 2006-02-19 11:55
Geez, I thought my 182 was bad...I'm working on getting rid of the ones that don't get me as many points and replacing them with higher point value clarinets. 
Christopher Nichols
1st Infantry Division Band
Christopher Nichols, D.M.A.
Assistant Professor of Clarinet
University of Delaware
Post Edited (2006-02-19 13:51)
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Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2006-02-19 13:54
A quick count gives me 940, but I could probably break the 1,000 barrier if I did a thorough search. Not counting a couple of oboes. If we included recorders, it would be 2,000.
It's a close call whether I die of withdrawal or get crushed when a stack of contras tips over.
Ken Shaw
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Author: Don Berger
Date: 2006-02-19 14:18
Con[tra]grats - Ken, I'm hunting among my miscellany for my calculator, many have to resort to Calculus/DE's! to find a semi-correct #, but the taste/smell of the arising gas is BAD. Being without sunshine and with a bad cold for several days, the only tunnel-light I see is considering how to diminish the "horde".. Luck, Don
Thanx, Mark, Don
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Author: Alseg
Date: 2006-02-19 14:29
116. Never enough Mylicon when you need it.
I did not count barrels I made myself.
Q: define a "custom ligature?"
I think bells should also count (not guilty), as should empty cases in excess of instruments to fill them, and extra points for double cases and case protectors.
Also need points for instrument stands or pegs in excess of instruments to occupy them.
Also points for mouthpiece display cases and the like.
Former creator of CUSTOM CLARINET TUNING BARRELS by DR. ALLAN SEGAL
-Where the Sound Matters Most(tm)-
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Author: John O'Janpa
Date: 2006-02-19 14:37
450 BAD GAS
Do I get extra points for having to count the cases under the grand piano to find out how many clarinets I have?
Lurking there also are one flute, two trombones, two oboes, three guitars, a recorder, a harmonica, and an alto sax.
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Author: Gandalfe
Date: 2006-02-19 15:10
To define "custom ligs", okay rather loosely, I would say that includes any ligs that don't come with the purchase of a clarinet or mouthpiece. Does that work?
I didn't try to modify PaulWl's original sax survey too much because I'm a neophyte clarinetist. So I didn't address factors such as low Eb vs. low C, wood vs. plastic, jazzer vs. pit doubler vs. orchestral, how many sopranos you have, matched pairs, R-13s vs non R-13s, Boehm/full Boehm/Albert/Oehler/Reform/Orthodox/Catholic...
(Again, borrowed from Paul. The guy slays me. :o)
Jim and Suzy
Pacifica Big Band
Seattle, Washington
Post Edited (2006-02-19 15:11)
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Author: Bnewbs
Date: 2006-02-19 16:23
51, I'm still clean! for now anyway.
Ben
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Author: kenabbott
Date: 2006-02-19 16:50
500+. Oh, my.
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Author: GBK
Date: 2006-02-20 03:55
Sadly, as of today, 1014 ...GBK
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Author: Bnewbs
Date: 2006-02-20 04:13
Thats pretty obscene.
Ben
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Author: clarnibass
Date: 2006-02-20 05:17
"For every clarinet you own over one each of SAB, give yourself 10 points."
I don't understand this sentence. Can someone explain please?
Ignoring that sentence, I have about 90 GAS but most of my stuff (ligatures, custom barrel) I bought for good practical reasons.
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Author: Shorthand
Date: 2006-02-20 06:26
Soprano Alto Bass
So each Efer, Contra, or Basset Horn would be 10 points. (If you have a Befer or a BBb contra, I think that should count double, but that's just my opinion, not the rules.)
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Author: Bassie
Date: 2006-02-20 07:50
Just four 'spare' mouthpieces... my GAS is under control (for the moment). I guess it's cos I'm surrounded by family and friends who say things like 'you can't play them all at once, can you?'...
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Author: tictactux ★2017
Date: 2006-02-20 09:30
50 <phew>. Lowered the score by 30 within the last three weeks. Won't go much lower than that.
Now if I only could make up my mind what to do with those two rubber sticks. Too good to just throw away, not good enough to sell. (and lampstands are out of the question).
Maybe I'll ask the kids' kindergardener. She plays sax so maybe she's willing to take one of the rubbers for free.
--
Ben
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Author: OpusII
Date: 2006-02-20 11:03
hmm 140... could be worse... I find it rather dissapointing, would love to have over 500....
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Author: MisiMcG
Date: 2006-02-20 11:11
Well, I just gave away a couple of spare student models I had laying around, so I am only a 28 that I know of...could be some things still in unpacked boxes in the studio. If I had to count more than clarinets though I'd be in trouble.
Misi
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Author: Bassie
Date: 2006-02-20 12:12
I think reeds should be represented too, Shorthand...
- Complete boxes of reeds which you intend never to use again, but are keeping just-in-case: 2 points each
- More than 100 reeds of any given make / strength: 2 points for each occurrence.
I also think that bass / contra mouthpieces should be given extra weighting - they are after all far rarer and more expensive.
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Author: tictactux ★2017
Date: 2006-02-20 12:39
Lelia,
join the GASsers Anonymous. Now.
(and before someone asks, Tums tablets won't help in that case)
--
Ben
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Author: Hank Lehrer
Date: 2006-02-20 13:08
Hi,
I beat out GBK just counting ligatures alone. I also have a bunch of those really cool La Voz aluminum Reedguards (some in the original box as NOS). It's a sickness!
HRL
PS What about 35 boxes of un-opened La Voz alto clarinet reeds that I will use on sax. Man, they play great!
Post Edited (2006-02-20 13:09)
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Author: stagehand
Date: 2006-02-20 13:33
For all of you that got those big scores...I would be more than happy to help you "unload" some of those instruments. As a public school band teacher I know kids that would just be happy to have an instrument to play...no matter what the condition
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Author: GBK
Date: 2006-02-20 14:08
Hank Lehrer wrote:
> I beat out GBK just counting ligatures alone.
> I also have a bunch of those really cool La Voz aluminum
> Reedguards (some in the original box as NOS). It's a sickness!
New, unused aluminum LaVoz reedguards? I've got bunches...Want to trade?
How about a few original Harrison reed cases, Vandoren reeds in the hard, plastic purple boxes, Rico reeds in the brown boxes, unopened boxes of Olivieri "tempered" reeds, reed clippers from the World War II era, a case of Vibrator reeds, etc...
That's just on one shelf...
I'm afraid to even check out the saxophone stuff. (Can we all say "Winslow ligatures?")
The insanity continues...GBK
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Author: Brenda Siewert
Date: 2006-02-20 15:10
My score is pretty low, but I sold all the extra stuff. I do have a couple of extra cases and an extra barrel and bell and one extra mouthpiece. Not too bad. If it hangs around the house much without being used I usually sell it.
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Author: clarinetwife
Date: 2006-02-20 18:19
Fun topic! So, on question #1 is two bflats and an A considered three soprano clarinets or are we separating the Bbs and As? Either way I suppose I am at best borderline, not having the funds to indulge too much
Hank Lehrer -- I'm there on the old metal La Voz reedguards. For some reason I have always favored them being so compact and yet with a nice flat surface that is hard to get with anything made of plastic. One of my cases is too small for a decent sized piece of glass Maybe I've gotten set in my ways -- somebody asked me the other day how long I have been playing and for the first time I had to say 30 years.
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Author: J B Lansing
Date: 2006-02-20 19:20
Hmm.... I came up with 103, but I have one in the mail with a custom mouthpiece and ligature so it will jump in a day or so. Of course I had a good reason for owning all of this.... Honest
J B
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Author: Shorthand
Date: 2006-02-21 03:08
Bb's and A's are both soprano clarinets. You get one of each free as there is a clear an legit need for each.
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Author: susieray
Date: 2006-02-21 05:04
......I had a bunch of those aluminum reedgards, but I
sold them to Hank. Like he really needed them. ![[grin]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smilie5.gif)
Sue
Post Edited (2006-02-21 17:57)
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Author: Jhall
Date: 2006-02-21 12:49
Any points for clarinet lamps; although a score of 523 is high enough.
I'm holding out until GAS hits $4 a gallon.
John
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Author: Katrina
Date: 2006-02-21 16:05
I'm only at 545...That's only 'cause I can't remember what mouthpieces I have hiding in various places around the house...
I don't suppose I can count all of my strange ethnic non-clarinet-instruments as "weirdos"? I mean, the Armenian duduk is at least as strange as an oboe...
And I also have an accordion...LOL!
Katrina
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Author: Grant
Date: 2006-02-22 20:11
My score only 120 but I want more. A basset clarinet has replaced a tenor sax at the top of my wish list.
"Men always have some high-soundin excuse for indulging themselves."
Elizabeth Peters
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Author: Chetclarinet
Date: 2006-02-23 13:34
I must admit to having plenty of GAS---I own 10 Frank L.Kaspar ligatures. I only need one to hold the reed on. I also have more mouthpieces made by famous makers than I would care to admit. Some day I will have a BIG clarinet garage sale!C. R.
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Author: graham
Date: 2006-02-24 08:05
195
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Author: Chris C
Date: 2006-02-24 22:52
Alas, I can only scrape up a lowly 17 points. :-(
But as I've only been attempting the clarinet for a few weeks (since Christmas), this does seem to be a promising start.
Perhaps bonus points could be awarded for shortness of time as a player, and for buying more equipment whilst still lousy with the gear you already own?
Maybe I can also claim points for prior infection with other strains of GAS? I have around ten other instruments all patiently waiting for me to progress from inept to mediocre.
So many enthusiasms, so little time...... but clarinet has rocketed to the top of the heap in the short time that I've owned one (OK, two. I couldn't possibly own a clarinet without wanting to take it all to pieces and fiddle with it, so an extra one to play in the meantime seems like the barest essential minimum...).
Cheers,
Chris
Currently residing at The Mundaring Home for the Musically Bewildered
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