Author: Gandalfe
Date: 2006-02-18 21:30
Kudos to PaulWl, aka the professor, who just pinned this fine SOTW post which I have happily modified, with his permission for this forum. :o)
What follows a numerical scoring system to quantify clarinet-based Gear Acquisition Syndrome (GAS), I offer the following scale for your consideration.
For every clarinet you own over one each of SAB, give yourself 10 points.
- For each clarinet that is the same pitch as another clarinet, add 5 points.
- For each clarinet that hasn't been played in more than six months, add 5 points.
- For each mouthpiece in excess of the number of playable clarinets, add 2 points.
- For each mouthpiece that hasn't been played in more than six months, add 2 points.
- For each custom barrel add 10 points.
- For each custom lig add 10 points.
- For each mouthpiece professionally refaced, add 5 points.
- For each mouthpiece professionally refaced more than once, add 20 points.
- For each clarinet not currently playable, add 5 points.
- For each clarinet that has remained unplayable for more than one year, add 10 points.
- For each Eb soprano, countrabass, or clarinet in a key other than Bb or Eb, add 20 points.
- If you own or have ever owned more than one countrabass clarinet at a time, add 100 points.
- For each weirdo instrument such as metal, albert, padless, etc., add 25 points.
- For each Low Pitch, experimental, prototype, or 19th century instruments so obscure that most player wouldn't recognize the name, add 40 points.
Classifications:
0-9 points: You are relatively free of GAS. Blow in peace, and remember that an artist never blames his tools.
10-49 points: You have a roving eye but still put most of your air through the horn. Stay focused!
50-99 points: You may have GAS. If you're either spending more time acquiring gear than playing, or acquiring more gear than you'll have time to play, open an eBay store or seek support in the Clarinet BB.
100-199 points: You have GAS. In addition to the remedies previously discussed, family intervention may be necessary, along with moving to a smaller living space.
200-499 points: You have Bipolar-Acquisitive Disorder with GAS ("BAD GAS"). In BAD GAS phase, your living space HAS become smaller. Your family has either intervened or left completely. If you have ever attempted to play more than 3 clarinets at once, or gone more than a year without needing to buy reeds, you definitely have BAD GAS.
500 or more points: You are a GAS Hoarder, Obsessive Genus ("GAS HOG"). Why are you reading this? Go look at The Marketplace. Or eBay. Or netinstruments.com. Or Craigslist. Or the classifieds. Or...
Jim and Suzy
Pacifica Big Band
Seattle, Washington
Post Edited (2006-02-18 21:42)
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