 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: psychotic lil clarinet girl (don't as
Date: 2004-11-08 05:39
Ok... if it wasn't obvious already, I'm just a little paranoid... just a little bit...
Anyways, all the reeds in the world are out to get me... I can't seem to keep them around without them chipping or breaking or something... Or just sounding like crap!
Every one of the reeds are 'specially made with just a pinch of evil in them! I TELL YOU THEY ARE! And they get joy out of our frustration! grr...
There ya have it, my daily paranoia
PS. BEWARE THEY ARE OUT TO GET ALL OF YOU TOO!
I'm asking for reeds for Christmas because I need just a little more evil in my life... MWUAHAHAHAHA!
Post Edited (2004-11-08 05:44)
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Author: LeWhite
Date: 2004-11-08 08:37
Umm shouldn't this kinda post go into your blog/livejournal or something? I know what you're saying, that's for sure, but I'm not so sure a whole post complete with MWUAHAHA's was necessary.
__________________
Don't hate me because I play Leblanc! ![[down]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smiley23.gif) Buffet
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Author: Stepan
Date: 2004-11-08 10:35
Hey Mary,
reeds are not evil, they are good and you should love them as they love you!
When they crack, they want to teach your hands to be more carefull.
When they sound like piece of ...., they want you to teach you patience, they want you to spend your life in search for a good reed, they want you to spend your life in working on them, they do not want to let you play music at all, THEY WANT YOUR SOUL! THEY ARE THE EMBODIMENT (does this word exist) OF THE WORLD EVIL,
AAAAAAAAAAAAAGHRH!!!!
WE MUST DESTROY ALL THE REEDS!
NOW!
Have you ever tried to play clarinet with your mouth in the barrel like a trumpet? THAT IS FUN!!!
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Author: CPW
Date: 2004-11-08 13:18
Younger reeds tend to test limits....they require a firm but loving hand
Older reeds can be obstinant or quirky, and sometimes require replacement of waning compounds.
Also, about the conspiracy:
....It is noted by anonymous government sources that Morre cane is being grown in a dry lake bed area in the American West.
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Author: Stepan
Date: 2004-11-08 13:39
William, that si not so easy, Legeres cost 28 dollars with tax (23 without) here in Europe. I tried to buy it from WWBW but they wanted FIFTY dollars for international shipping and did not care that it can be placed in normal letter for say 3 dollars. They also were not happy about my way of payment: sending cash in a letter.
I know about Legeres but I am still searching for some cheaper way to get to them. BTW if there is some adventurous soul among the readers I have a idea for GREAT ILLEGAL INTERNATIONAL DEAL, which will ruin European Legere traders and will raise your adrenaline for al least one week.
Added later: if someone wants to tell me something after reading this please write to my e-mail, because the next postings in this thread contain POETRY and it would be pity to disturb it with such unimaginative things... thanks.
Post Edited (2004-11-11 13:56)
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Author: CPW
Date: 2004-11-08 14:30
Hire a small crop duster plane to shuttle Legere from Canada to NZ.
Hide the reeds in bales of shredded plant leaves and seeds.
Didnt Cheech and Chong do a movie about that?
If not...how about "Cane and Able"
or The Cane Mutiny
or Citizen Cane
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Author: Stepan
Date: 2004-11-08 14:57
CPW, this is a serious problem and I do not want anyone to be kidding about that. Especially those who did not tell me how to make truffles.
There are some problems in your plan.
how to get me to Canada
how to teach me drive a plane
how to persuade owner of that plane to lend it to me for free
how to persuade the plane flying so far
and even if everything went well, you have left me standing on NZ (New Zeland?!) with few reeds in my hand. What now? How to get back to Europe?
Do NOT tell me to swim.
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Author: CPW
Date: 2004-11-08 15:14
Sounds like you need advice from an import-export attorney.
I do not know how the truffles are made other than cocoa, butter, melted chocolate and perhaps some flour.
Since you ask: About the oboist who made them..she is a fine baker. The mention of the truffles was a little wink to someone who checks this board and knows CPW personally.
Stepan...The allusions are to movies. Depending on your age and location, you may not recognize them. They are for the benefit of others on the board who may chuckle at the absurdity of international reed procurment difficulties.
Conspiracy theory is a BIG thing in the USA, catching hold with the Kennedy assasination and extending back to supposed UFO landings and an alleged military coverup at Area 51....and Morre cane (legendary good stuff) likely came from France, so if anyone was secretly growing it, Area 51 would be a good place, since it is restricted. in other words....it is a joke. The original poster's use of the word conspiracy triggered it.
Against the windmills of my mind
The jousting pole splinters
Post Edited (2004-11-08 15:14)
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Author: sfalexi
Date: 2004-11-08 15:19
Although the reed problem is clear,
The solution is really quite near.
To avoid future plight,
click this link to a certain website,
And attempt what you once might have feared......
Alexi
US Army Japan Band
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Author: Stepan
Date: 2004-11-08 15:39
CPW: it is SO NICE of you explaining everything to me, I would be happy, if there was not that little problem with overpriced reeds...
I am very dissapointed, I though you are young pretty lonely she-oboist which will play me beautifull lyrical lullabies. Life is SO cruel...
Alexi: I like to do things myself, but I somehow doubt I would be able to make reed myself compearable (or even better) to those I can buy...
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Author: CPW
Date: 2004-11-08 15:51
Hail to thee with Truffles and Fluorishes
Arundo Donax in conspiracy it nourishes
Humidity it craves... with warping misbehaves
Reed dilemnas make us feel bum
yet more expensive it has become.
Against the windmills of my mind
The jousting pole splinters
Post Edited (2004-11-08 15:54)
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Author: Don Poulsen
Date: 2004-11-08 16:03
They'll chip and break less frequently once marching season is over. Until then, keep them sterilized to avoid getting an infection from reed splinters in your upper palate.
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Author: Stepan
Date: 2004-11-08 16:04
Oh my God, some verses dissapeared before I was able to write them down and memorize them for life! Such a disaster for literature...
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Author: GBK
Date: 2004-11-08 16:54
Finding the best reed is one costly chore,
Order on-line, have them sent to your door.
Easy response, good color and nice tone,
Is what we all want when the clarinet is blown.
So what is the factor that makes one the best?
A reed that stands out, oh so far from the rest.
I like the cane that is from Argentina,
It doesn't take thought, not even a subpoena.
Our knife can be such a remarkable tool.
It adjusts a bad reed and makes it a jewel.
Many major brands use Argentinian cane.
Thin fibers, bad cutting, is why I complain.
And don't change your tip shape for reasons unknown,
Or harvest the cane till abundantly grown
For fixing V-12's, it takes more than a knife.
All your scraping and shaping won't bring those to life.
You must start with good cane - a simple fact that is known.
Right now, it all comes from the South Temperate Zone.
I'll put down my pen, for I'm out of ideas.
Mr. Gonzalez and I are going out for tortillas...GBK
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Author: CPW
Date: 2004-11-08 17:02
perhaps Argentinian
or French it may be
Results are what counts
or the audience will flee
Rue Lepic
or Tic de la Roux
as long as they play
for me and for you
V-twelve or Rico
Plastic or plain
FOF from Gonzalez
Vibration is the name of the game
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Author: Stepan
Date: 2004-11-08 17:09
Did you know, that French Vandoren magnificent cane is even sunbathed in the process?
Check their web.
I think that the cane which was sunbathed simply cannot play wrong. The sun beams must transform into music!!! Or not? It may not be sunbathed at all. It is BAKED!!!
Post Edited (2004-11-08 17:12)
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Author: claclaws
Date: 2004-11-08 20:21
I always admire the poetic talent of our clarinetists here at the BBoard...
Lucy Lee Jang
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Author: psychotic lil clarinet girl (don't as
Date: 2004-11-08 20:39
Indeed their poetry is inspiring...
I think I'm going to start making my own reeds THAT WILL ACTUALLY WORK! And sell them on the black market! MWUAHAHA! (ok I overuse that)...
Or Legere sounds good to me... yep... I forgot 'bout those, gonna ask for those for Christmas...
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Author: Stepan
Date: 2004-11-09 15:00
Mary I love you saying MWUAHAHA, go on and do not let you discouraged by some LeWhites, who probably cannot say Mwuahaha at all.
BTW if mr. LeWhite read some recent posting in Lexicographical question he will visit this board never more...
Post Edited (2004-11-09 17:49)
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Author: William
Date: 2004-11-09 15:24
GBK wrote, "Mr. Gonzalez and I are going out for tortillas...GBK"
I'll meet ya'll there, if you'll just tell me where (?)
But, can I still sit in if I bring my Legere??
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Author: CPW
Date: 2004-11-09 15:52
GBK wrote, "Mr. Gonzalez and I are going out for tortillas...GBK"
Just spoke with Mr. G....actually he wants a hot pastrami on rye and knishes.
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Author: GBK
Date: 2004-11-09 15:54
Let's all get together - take reeds to compare.
I'll bring Gonzalez and you bring Legere.
How 'bout Vandoren? - let's get Jean Pierre.
Coming from France, he'll fly US Air.
To get the reeds ready, we'll have to prepare.
We'll need sandpaper, knives and a carpenter's square.
To make it all legal, this test must be fair.
In the end we'll fill out a long questionnaire.
Alas, I fear it will be lots of hot air.
Many opinions from all will just cause despair.
The only thing certain from this whole affair,
Is a rise in reed company earnings per share.
...GBK
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Author: Stepan
Date: 2004-11-09 17:09
Plastic is a work of man,
made of compounds
strange to nature.
Cane grows from soil,
wind and rain and birdies singing.
Worms an beetles love it too.
Birdies sitting leaving pooh. (first rhyme horay!)
Cut and killed and shaped and forced to vibrate
who can blame it having mistakes.
It matures, sings better or worse,
weakens, dies as living creature.
You must love them
and hate as well....
This is one rhyme in 13 verses, that is not so BAD, is it?
Post Edited (2004-11-10 18:14)
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Author: psychotic lil clarinet girl (don't as
Date: 2004-11-09 21:51
I just love all of ya'll's (HEY, I FROM THE SOUTH... I CAN USE THAT!) poetic talent! MWUAHAHAHAHA! Thanks Stepan, although I don't see what you posted on that thread that had anything to do with Lewhite... oh wells...
You know, I would like to go eat some tortillas with y'all too... WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME OUT! I FEEL SO UNLOVED! :( Benny and Larry want to come along too, (2 of my clarinets)... I would try to make a poem, but y'all are just so much better than I am at it... I find it entertaining to sit and read them all...
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Author: Stepan
Date: 2004-11-10 15:30
Mary DO write a poem, everybody can...
Even that one who knows 51 words or so as I do...
With your knowlegde of english, it simply is no problem.
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Author: psychotic lil clarinet girl (don't as
Date: 2004-11-10 17:44
LOL! ok...
Reeds, those infamous pieces of wood
I think that they would kill me if they could
When I play on them my sound is really rough
As if they haven't tortured me enough
And as I sit here typing this out
I sit and wonder what all this is about
Why do my reeds hate me so much
When I've done nothing of the such
To hurt them when they sound like crap
But try to fix them when they crack
So here's my story for you all
Although it is a little small
I wish the best of luck for you
Because every reed is out to get you!
So, beware of all the pain
When the reeds are the ones to blame
For all of your agony and sorrow
Will not come till tomorrow
When you sit to play your clarinet
And then come here to surf the net
For answers to all your inquiries
About how to repair your broken reeds
Farewell for now my dear dear friends
I'm sure that we will meet again...
MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
yeah... well, that's the story of my life there... ha! As is the story of everyone elses...
Post Edited (2004-11-10 17:51)
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Author: CPW
Date: 2004-11-10 17:52
wow
![[toast]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smiley15.gif)
MC and GBK maybe we should have a spot in the upload section for this stuff
Against the windmills of my mind
The jousting pole splinters
Post Edited (2004-11-10 17:54)
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Author: Haegar
Date: 2004-11-11 09:59
Sorry to disturb this nice psychodelict thread with a seriously posting
Edited: The reed mafia is behind me - ouch!
Post Edited (2004-11-11 13:57)
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Author: OpusII
Date: 2004-11-11 10:18
The Vandoren clan is coming to get me….![[whoa]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smilie10.gif)
I just received 15 packets of pure evil at my door, what can I do to stop the terror?
I will give them a flat table to sleep and keep them in top condition, but after a while they keep turning against me
Post Edited (2004-11-11 13:29)
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Author: Stepan
Date: 2004-11-11 13:10
Marry, we do not have to use reeds at all!
I have already said:
Have you ever tried to play clarinet with your mouth in the barrel like a trumpet?
Have you?
I have but it was not a success. I think you or someone else with more clarinet skills than I have will have better results. It woud be very FUNNY to record your best results in this new reedless style od playing and post links to the recordings here. There can be a contest in this! I wonder if here are some crazy enough people to do this???
Post Edited (2004-11-11 14:50)
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Author: CPW
Date: 2004-11-11 14:03
Call WWBW and ask if they can send u the reeds via first class mail instead of ups or parcel.
maybe they can negotiate cutting you a break.
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Author: Stepan
Date: 2004-11-11 14:07
OH NO! CPW I am trying to get rid of this theme in this thread!!!
Please do delete your previous posting and write poem instead of it.
Post Edited (2004-11-11 14:14)
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Author: CPW
Date: 2004-11-11 15:33
Stepan: Just copy and paste onto word processor, and file them as
Nobel Laureate-worthy Reed Poems.doc
Save for posterity
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Author: Stepan
Date: 2004-11-11 15:54
Posterity...
What does it mean...
Posterior...
OH MY GOD, CPW, AGAIN!!!
You must be obcessed somehow...
Huh...
I think I will not speak with you again...
I am afraid of you...
:))
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Author: CPW
Date: 2004-11-11 16:45
lol Stepan. Dude.......You desperately need a dictionary.
No. My obsessions are more cerebral/cephalad not caudad.
Altho' caudads go good with Cajan spices and buttered corn....oh, I mean crawdads*...sorry.
*for those in NZ....slang for crayfish or crawfish, a tasty crustacean.
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Author: GBK
Date: 2004-11-11 16:52
[ Let's keep the personal conversations off-line. Thanks - GBK ]
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Author: Stepan
Date: 2004-11-11 17:12
CPW if we go on like this GBK will delete us. We must be carefull.
What about some disgusting poems?
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Author: psychotic lil clarinet girl (don't as
Date: 2004-11-11 22:02
hahaha... Stepan, yes I have tried playing without the mouthpiece... haha... It sounds really bad though...
Soon to come, when mouthpieces ruled the world, until the reeds overtook their reign of power! MUTINY!
-Mary
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Author: Stepan
Date: 2004-11-12 07:14
I think it souds bad just because we did not try to improve it and we gave up right after first try. Some practising is needed.
Mary, I do not understand your last sentense. It must be some advanced english gramatical structure. Remember, when you speak with me, to use just the few simple words as if you were talking with a very small child...
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Author: SimpsonSaxGal
Date: 2004-11-14 18:37
such an enjoyable read!
now what i need
is biology to study
and to play with silly putty
had to keep up with the poem things. you guys are great!
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