 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: mkybrain
Date: 2004-09-08 01:57
"....Mr. Barlow, is no closer to going on his first date than the day he passed his CPA exam.”
lol
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Author: pzaur
Date: 2004-09-08 02:00
Of course Selmer's not worried about a lawsuit. Afterall, the man did say he spent "$6000 on a MARK VII...and assorted accessories." Everyone knows that you need to have a MARK VI to get dates! The fool, wasted money...
-pat
ps - I love that website!
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Author: diz
Date: 2004-09-08 02:19
GBK ... if you're "fugly" no amount of sax will help your sex appeal, I'm afraid.
Without music, the world would be grey, very grey.
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Author: David Spiegelthal ★2017
Date: 2004-09-08 03:40
The problem is that Mr. Barlow should have played, instead of the mundane saxophone, the #1 sexiest instrument on the planet, the sensuously curvaceous BASS CLARINET.
Worked for me...........(must have, since I'm married, right?)
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Author: Bani
Date: 2004-09-08 04:32
>Bachelor's pad in his mother's house???? No wonder.
He must be kidding??? No, he’s not?
Well IMHO it may not be the sax but his “come on” line [or whatever he says to the girls when he comes on to them, e.g. “Uhh, I live with my mom” (not exactly a killer, is it?)]
How well does he play anyway (the news story doesn’t say)?
Seriously, I think this is really funny (this doesn’t sound right, does it?)
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Author: CPW
Date: 2004-09-08 05:13
![[rotate]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smiley25.gif)
Let's see. Bill Clinton plays sax. He could be expert witness for either side
.
For Plaintiff......Look, he got married. He had fun in oval office
OR...........
For Defense....Look who HE married. Look who he had relatiions with in the oval office.
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Author: allencole
Date: 2004-09-08 06:19
LOVE IT!
All I can say is that i hope the $6000.00 including his lesson tuition and materials. The Mark VII didn't go for that much when new. If I had six G's in my pocket, I'd get a sax at a more realistic price and then 'rent' my date.
But then, I just spent $4500 on a pair of clarinets...
I could only sue Buffet for false claims if I DO get a date.
Allen Cole
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Author: diz
Date: 2004-09-08 06:49
David Spiegal. said
the sensuously curvaceous BASS CLARINET
you make me laugh ...
Without music, the world would be grey, very grey.
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Author: Bellflare
Date: 2004-09-08 12:27
A pair of clarinets? Then do u get TWO dates?? A menage'.... a toot.
If not........sue Buffet
As Shakespeare said: "First lets kill the lawyers"
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Author: GBK
Date: 2004-09-08 12:51
Bellflare wrote:
> As Shakespeare said: "First lets kill the lawyers"
That quote is totally taken out of context.
Shakespeare didn't say it. His villainous character Dick the Butcher did.
Read: Henry VI ...GBK
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Author: ken
Date: 2004-09-08 13:06
Should've bought a Harley instead .... anyone know Monica Lewinsky's home phone for this guy?? v/r Ken
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Author: Bob A
Date: 2004-09-08 14:36
"A pair of clarinets? Then do u get TWO dates?? A menage'.... a toot.
If not........sue Buffet"
I've heard the one about the old geezer not being wired for 2 20"s, but not 2 R13's.
Bob A
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Author: msloss
Date: 2004-09-08 16:21
That article is pretty darned funny! I give the author all the credit for coming up with the most retarded model of Selmer sax ever made to really shine the apple. Obviously somebody who either is or knows a saxophonist.
How about some clarinet bylines to spice things up:
"Americans find cache of alto clarinets in Najaf. Rumsfeld announces search for WMDs finally bears fruit."
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Author: David Spiegelthal ★2017
Date: 2004-09-08 16:46
Hey, msloss, ya know them alto clarinets got some pretty darn sensual curvaceous curves on 'em too! Like that there basset hound whatever that graham was talkin' about..............
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Author: GBK
Date: 2004-09-08 16:58
> How about some clarinet bylines to spice things up
" Al-Jazeera radio begins 24 hour Acker Bilk request line. US Intelligence surrenders "
...GBK
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Author: hartt
Date: 2004-09-08 18:58
alas por selmerick
he over paid dearly. locally, a MK Vll sold for 1,400
but the date thingy does happen.....: after all Billy Clinton plays sax and he got a date with a woman named Monica ![[happy]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smiley12.gif)
d (:o)
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Author: David Spiegelthal ★2017
Date: 2004-09-08 19:06
If Clinton playing sax like that
got him a girl like Monica,
think of the babes he COULD have scored
if he had played harmonica!
now THAT is a truly awful rhyme --- I'm SO proud
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Author: Bob A
Date: 2004-09-08 20:20
For shame Dave, and the dear lad not yet recovered!
Bob A
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Author: Fred
Date: 2004-09-08 20:30
I bet if Dave did get recovered, it would be in tan kid leather . . .
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Author: Don Poulsen
Date: 2004-09-08 21:08
For those that didn't pick up on it, the article is a satire (i.e., not real).
But, as far as I'm concerned the world is to full of sax AND violins.
And I agree that bass clarinets are sensuously curved.
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Author: ken
Date: 2004-09-08 21:10
I still say, buy a Harley and you'll be beating them off with your marching band horn....
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Author: GBK
Date: 2004-09-08 21:46
Don Poulsen said:
> For those that didn't pick up on it, the article is a satire (i.e., not real).
Come on, all confess - how many of you thought (at first) that the article was real? ![[wink]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smilie3.gif)
BTW - check the archives on Broken Newz http://www.brokennewz.com/ for some very funny satirical articles...GBK
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Author: Henry
Date: 2004-09-08 21:54
Yeh, thanks for pointing it out, Don! I thought that case might well have ended up in the Supreme Court.
Henry
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Author: diz
Date: 2004-09-08 21:58
with a web address with "brokennewz" as part of its url, it certainly was never going to be anything but farce to me ...
Without music, the world would be grey, very grey.
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Author: Contra
Date: 2004-09-08 22:18
He's going to try the accordion. The accordion is a certified BABE MAGNET. As long as you never tell anyone you play it. And no, that odd suitcase lookalike that sits between the amp and contra is certainly NOT an accordion.
[Insert shifty eyes here]
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Author: diz
Date: 2004-09-08 22:51
Contra ... very amusing. I find Piazolla's music EXTREMELY irritating, enough to induce one into an accordian burning rage ... unfortauntely our national broadcaster gets into grooves and, hopefully, their penchant for Piazolla will end very, very soon.
Without music, the world would be grey, very grey.
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Author: CPW
Date: 2004-09-09 00:46
The author of the article probably just bought a Yagawawswana... or however it is spelled.
And Bellflare, I am certain, knows the Bard quote just fine....just that tort reform is election year topic.
Remember the SNL skit where Simon and Garfunkel started out as bassoonists? Somehow the whole Selmer/CPA thing seems to fit.
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Author: Wicked Good ★2017
Date: 2004-09-09 01:47
Bah. Real he-men play old Conn saxophones, not those sissy Selmers. ;-)
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Those who understand binary math, and those who don't.
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Author: claclaws
Date: 2004-09-09 01:54
LOL! And it's morning here, so thanks for letting me begin my day with a big laugh.
I'm not decided whether I just link this page to my webpage or translate the whole thing and post it..I'll certainly post the 'brokennewz' url on a Korean sax players' bboard.
Lucy Lee Jang
Post Edited (2004-09-09 02:20)
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Author: Katrina
Date: 2004-09-09 02:29
I quote Diz:
"Contra ... very amusing. I find Piazolla's music EXTREMELY irritating, enough to induce one into an accordian burning rage ... unfortauntely our national broadcaster gets into grooves and, hopefully, their penchant for Piazolla will end very, very soon."
Two things that I must say because my best friend is a professional accordionist:
1. Piazzolla plays bandoneon not accordion...
;)
Just hafta be picky...it's in my nature...
Katrina
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Author: saxlite
Date: 2004-09-09 03:15
Speaking of accordians, I recently had my friend's accordian in the back seat of my car while going to a gig. I stopped briefly at a store, but remembering that I hadn't locked the car, I rushed back---but it was too late! Someone had thrown three more accordians in there..........
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Author: allencole
Date: 2004-09-09 06:50
>Speaking of accordians, I recently had my friend's accordian in the back >seat of my car while going to a gig. I stopped briefly at a store, but >remembering that I hadn't locked the car, I rushed back---but it was too >late! Someone had thrown three more accordians in there..........
Hopefully one or two of them crushed a viola
Allen Cole
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Author: FrankM
Date: 2004-09-09 15:26
It was so well written, I didn't realise it was a joke until I read the part about airing a TV show about saxes during prime time...Ludicrous!
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Author: D Dow
Date: 2004-09-09 16:20
I have done very well in the lady department, and with Selmer clarinets!!!
David Dow
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Author: clarinetwife
Date: 2004-09-09 19:50
Well, I didn't marry my husband for his Buffet, and he didn't get his bass clarinet until after we were married, but the fact that he is a clarinetist was a big factor in his favor.
BTW, I find the article all the more amusing because it is basically believable. People will sue for anything.
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Author: Bigno16
Date: 2004-09-09 20:12
I'm confused. Did this really happen? Like seriously? Someone clue me in. lol
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Author: Kevin
Date: 2004-09-09 20:19
Bigno16 wrote:
> I'm confused. Did this really happen? Like seriously? Someone
> clue me in. lol
Nope. As a joke, somebody wrote a story in a format of an actual news report. All of the news articles on that site are not intended to be taken seriously.
BTW - does anybody know if there really was such an ad put out by Selmer?
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Author: Gardini
Date: 2004-09-09 20:37
I started up the clarinet well after I was happily married. Lucky for me the house, cars and kids have kept her from running off with a mime.
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Author: clarinetwife
Date: 2004-09-09 20:44
Gardini--you are lucky. Failure to disclose future plans to take up the clarinet is a serious matter indeed when one marries. Your mime comment brought a smile to my afternoon.
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Author: BobD
Date: 2004-09-10 12:19
"BTW - does anybody know if there really was such an ad put out by Selmer?" Yes, I believe so. My uncle read it,bought the sax, took lessons.....and never got a date either.
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Author: William
Date: 2004-09-10 15:17
Get lots of dates?? Forget the sax--buy a puppy instead. A cute, cuddly little canine can make even the ugliest guy attractive (note, some personal experiance). And if the birds are attracted.........the nests will surely follow :>)~o
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Author: David Spiegelthal ★2017
Date: 2004-09-10 16:02
William has a great idea there, with the puppy. Or if you live out in the country, you will attract all kinds of females if you purchase a Donkey. Preferably a smallish one.
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Author: clarinetwife
Date: 2004-09-10 17:51
D-S--Here in Idaho quite a few people raise llamas and alpacas, and they are pretty cute. How about "Here--let me walk you home, and Wooly here can carry your stuff"
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Author: David Spiegelthal ★2017
Date: 2004-09-10 18:16
We have a remarkable number of llama and alpaca farms here in western Northern Virginia also --- as well as ostrich and emu ranchers. My wife and I actually considered raising llamas a few years ago (pre-children) and went to a "llama fair" in Maryland to check them out --- they do seem like nice critters (and the concern about their 'spitting' is rather overstated, we were informed).
Perhaps musical instrument case manufacturers (BAM, ProTec, Winter, etc.) could come out with a line of LlamaPak cases, designed to strap on Wooly's back?
All told it would probably still cost less than going to bars year after year trying to find the right mate.............
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