 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: msloss
Date: 2004-03-26 12:51
I would like the readers of Woodwind.org to be among the first to hear about my new invention -- the Producer Utilization Theatre Synthetic -- or as we like to call it in a more useful shorthand -- PUTZ. Announcing the world's first completely synthetic theatre producer, PUTZ. At a fraction of the cost of an organic producer, the PUTZ is capable of taking up space, adding no value, and screwing actors, musicians, engineers, stagehands, electricians and investors with equal ease. Power it up, and it can create fraudulent books, negotiate union-busting deals, and sell an inferior product to an overpaying public, all without the expense accounts, equity participation deals, girl/boyfriends, and personal parking spaces of an organic producer. With a simple flip of the switch to the "off" position, the PUTZ can completely replicate the dull, uninformative and unresponsive dialogue needed for talking to the arts press, investors, union representatives and the guy who brings in the sandwiches every day.
--- What's even better is that the PUTZ is union-made, right here in the US of A.
Coming soon in the v2.0 release of PUTZ is the Creative Recommendation to Artists Protocol, or CRAP. This exciting new software for the PUTZ enables the synthetic producer to offer the same uninformed and useless creative and artistic "suggestions" as an organic producer who really believes he has talent and taste. When powered from house current, the PUTZ is capable of maintaining a steady flow of CRAP indistinguishable from a real producer.
Call or write for more information.
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Author: Don Poulsen
Date: 2004-03-26 13:48
Those of us who don't have a NY Times account cannot see the article. However, I am not suggesting that you cut and paste the copyrighted text. Could you summarize?
msloss, very humorous. On par with Dave Berry.
Let's just hope that the virtual orchestra machine isn't German made. It will demand to be paid per note played, and since it will be playing all of them... Then again, this may not be a bad thing. If its pay demands are too high, it could end up getting replaced by...Should I say it?...musicians.
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Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2004-03-26 16:03
Don -
Registration to view the NY Times articles is simple and free. It puts a cookie in your file so you can sign on transparently from then on. Just be sure to uncheck the "Tell me about other offers" box. I access the Times constantly. The only problem is that the stories stay on the free list for only 30 days, and there are annoying popunder ads.
Best regards.
Ken Shaw
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Author: msroboto
Date: 2004-03-26 16:11
I use the google bar to virtually eliminate the popunder / popover ads.
To date 1978 ads blocked on my computer it averages about 100 a week blocked. Once in a while one will sneak through but that's minor.
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Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2004-03-26 17:50
Here's a picture and description of the Sinfonia.
http://www.rms.biz/docs/sinfonia.htm
Although the union describes it as a "machine" rather than a musical instrument such as a synthysizer, at least the maker's description shows a keyboard and says that the player follows the conductor. To me, it looks more like a synthysizer than a computer.
Best regards.
Ken Shaw
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Author: Sylvain
Date: 2004-03-27 03:29
Ken,
My understanding is that it can be used both as an instrument and on "autopilot"....
-S
--
Sylvain Bouix <sbouix@gmail.com>
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