 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: LeOpus1190s
Date: 2004-03-23 17:28
This is a spin off on another post. I have been seeing a lot lately these parents on the chat board, the parents all around.
I grew up where my parents were a supporting role, funding and coming to concerts but they never went on clarinet boards or went to clarinet functions with me. They certainly never pushed me to do anything, any accomplishments I have may have I can most certainly attribute to my own drive for music.
Quite honestly, the people that I have seen with parents who are overly involved, they drop out of it, either because it turns out they didn't love it that much or the fact that with out mom or dad's hand to pull them along, they just couldn't figure out to do it on there own.
Anyhow, as open and with out knowing anyones situation. If you are a parent, perhaps you would back off a little bit and let your children do the speaking and willing.
After all, isn't it their music, their future carreer?
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Author: BobD
Date: 2004-03-23 19:01
I think it's tough for me to give even an opinion on that one, Le. Although I think the original initiative to play an instrument came from me I know that I was exposed to music by my parents and grandparents before that. Also, it was my parents who inspired me to continue early on when I wanted to quit. I think there are parents at all levels of involvement and I think each situation is unique.
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Author: ginny
Date: 2004-03-23 20:25
A good piece of advise for you, as well, there was a reason the other thread was closed.
Mark who runs this board is a clarinetist as well as the father of an excellent clarinetist. I guess he's a little too involved given your wisdom.
I am also a clarinetist and a parent.
Like DUH, I am interested in where my son spends all that money at college. He has posted here on occasion, but not regarding schools.
Your personal observations hardly qualify as research into effective parenting techniques. According to Benjamin Bloom, in the creator of the head start program, parental involvement or a child oriented household is the one common factor in highly sucessful individuals including Olymipic swimmers, winners of the Chopin competition and other extrodinary feats. The study or book is 'Developing Talent in Young People.'
Post Edited (2004-03-23 20:37)
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Author: billryan
Date: 2004-03-23 20:54
Hey, My parents wanted me to play the piano. I took lessons for six months and told them that I hated it. I was eight at the time. A few years later, I went to a wedding and one of the band members played both the Sax & Clarinet. The sound of his Clarinet was music to my young ears, within two weeks I started my Clarinet lessions with a rental. I'm now in a "prestigious" music school, all because my parents let me (after the piano deal) choose what made me happy.
Bill
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Author: Brenda
Date: 2004-03-24 02:47
Ok, I'll wade into this one. I'm a parent of four grown kids. I was a mean Mom and made them get off their behinds and take lessons in tennis, swimming, piano, ice skating, and I don't remember what else. There were complaints but they had to go to at least one session, which lasted either a summer, or about 6 weeks during the winter. One of the kids was determined not to go skating, but I made him anyway. I promised that after the first session was over, the decision was his. After the first session, he went on to many sessions after that all on his own.
They need a push, then if they say they don't like it you'll know that they tried. Music has become a passion for two of the four kids, and a pasttime for the other two. I want them to marry someone who likes to play an instrument, because in 10 - 15 years the music part of them will come back out. The first one to get engaged, we found out after the engagement: his fiance, besides being a sweetheart, plays piano by ear and wants to learn how to read music. She's really good, too! She gets bonus marks from her future mother-in-law! We'll see what happens with the rest of them.
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Author: Mark P. Jasuta
Date: 2004-03-24 02:54
I'll be brief.
Parents need to provide GUIDANCE and support as most kids can't see the forest because of all the trees in the way...
Regards
Mark
Post Edited (2004-03-24 02:58)
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Author: William
Date: 2004-03-24 15:52
My parents never once asked me to practice my clarinet, piano or sax. In fact, my mother often pleaded with me to stop to get "other things" done. But after I joined the high school band, they went on every trip we took and gave me all support I needed. In fact, I couldn't get rid of them--they even followed my universities marching band to Pasadena, CA for two Rose Parades and came to all of my school concerts after I became a teacher. And old joke that went through my home town was, "it was a good thing that I didn't go to the moon....my parents would have had to follow me".
Parental support for their childrens efforts is important, but self-motivation is everything. Unfortunately, parental support in fund raising has gone from being an extra boost for the band program to being an essential need for its very survival--but that is another matter. In all areas of a childs develpment and growth, parental support is important--but not always essential. In the final analysis, it is the student that has gottawantta--and it is the teachers who best know how to generate their students to be self motivated that are most successsful with their music programs.
Food for Thought--one of our cities best school band teachers has this motto on his office wall: "Students need more role models than critics".
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Author: GBK
Date: 2004-03-24 16:59
Although personally child free (by choice), but having taught hundreds (thousands?) of young music students in the school system, the old axiom "You see the child - you see the parent" is in most cases 100% accurate.
The children that had a highly disciplined work ethic, good study habits, and were well mannered, had parents who were very much involved in their school activities.
The parents who seemed to care less, had children who exhibited the same attitude...GBK
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Author: LeOpus1190s
Date: 2004-03-25 18:30
well don't get me wrong. My parents have been great, providing the funding for my musical growth, and going to concerts.
I am talking more the parents who go to every single rehearsal. When you have to go through the parents in order to set up chamber rehearsals. When the parents that don't even play clarinet start telling you why brand x is better than brand y and you should change equipment.
There is nothing wrong with being proud of your kids who do well. I would just hope that the kids would would be more interested in what he or she is doing than their parents are.
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Author: Synonymous Botch
Date: 2004-03-25 22:15
Oh, now I see your point...
Getting unsolicited advice from inexperienced people with fervent opinions really is annoying... with them changing their minds oh so frequently and seeking a public approval to sort out their worries.
******
When I feel anguish, it's heartfelt.
When others show grief it's a whinge-fest.
The first sign of empathy is realizing that you weren't first.
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Author: LeWhite
Date: 2004-03-25 22:41
When I was younger, my parents discouraged music telling me it isn't a 'real' career and I sounded like a cat being strangled anyway. Even halfway through my college degree, my Dad is still insistant that I finish this degree and immediately go into business or law or something. Surprisingly, he's a musician too, an excellent guitarist, but chose at an early age not to pursue it as a career.
I moved out of home at 15, moved interstate to go to a music high school (FAME, anyone?). Five years later I'm still here at the same institution, just doing my bachelors degree. I don't live with my parents and I hardly see them as they're so far away, but now that I'm having some success with music, they're supporting me (not financially, mind you.)
It's interesting how far I've come since making that decision to go ahead with music, and not have parents around to stop me. I wonder where I'd be if I listened to them?
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Author: Mark P. Jasuta
Date: 2004-03-25 23:50
GBK is right on the money. I get to know many parents through their kids.
This one kid. Every time my daughter says she has a headache, his kid says that it could be a brain tumor.
I'm so happy that I don't live at her house.
Regards
Mark
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Author: ginny
Date: 2004-03-26 01:16
"I am talking more the parents who go to every single rehearsal. When you have to go through the parents in order to set up chamber rehearsals. When the parents that don't even play clarinet start telling you why brand x is better than brand y and you should change equipment."
I got the distinct impression LeOpus was refering to some of us parents who jumped into the college thread. I have never met anyone at all like the parents that seem to have been created in the quoted post.
I know that our HS band would not exist and thrive except for the band boosters who are there selling baked goods and fund raising, chaparoning, getting lessons for their kids, making travel arrangements... and yes many of us band parents, but not all, are musicians and savvy enough to know to look for good instruments for our kids.
LeOpus does seem to have a lot of opinion, little experience and no study in the area.
And Mark you have a lovely daughter and clarinets, on the 'thanks' thread. I also have gotten some good advice here, both for myself and my son who's 15 (and sigh, going to college in about a year and a half.)
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Author: allencole
Date: 2004-03-26 07:01
I don't think that parental involvement in any SPECIFIC area makes things happen. I've had a number of students, in fact, whose parents were musicians and it really burned them out. I'm a musician today because my mother backed off, gave me some space, and helped me pursue my own curiosity.
Parental influence best occurs more generally. Parents do their best work by example. My mother practiced piano all the time. I saw her having fun playing piano, and this meant much more than anything she could've taught me directly. My Dad was the strongest bass in the church choir. I learned as much from his loyalty to the group as his ability. Making the kid stick with something to a certain point--as with Brenda--is also a strong example. The subject doesn't have to be music. It can be anything, but the lesson is the same.
Allen Cole
Post Edited (2004-03-26 07:02)
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Author: Meri
Date: 2004-03-27 19:58
For me, my parents did not support the idea of me doing music, especially dad. My parents hardly ever went to my concerts. (yes, I'm serious!) But, they now see that music is my true passion, having tried to study Philosophy/Cognitive Science, and not quite finishing the program, and are hoping for the best for me.
For some people, the drive is mostly from within.
Meri
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The Clarinet Pages
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He did pretty good.