 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: clarinetmama
Date: 2004-03-07 00:23
I need to know. Have any of the rest of you lost your love for playing? I will give you the back story to this. I have a heart condition that causes my heart to race. It wasn't a problem until December. It was the day I had two concerts and I was very anxious about a solo. I nailed the solo and two pages later my heart went into tachycardia and remained that way for 2 and a half hours. I have had the condition for six years, and this was the first time it acted up during a performance.
Deciding I either fix my heart or quit playing, last week I had the procedure done. I wish I could say I am feeling better, but I am not. I am phsyically very tired and although I am told it is all right for me to play I absolutely don't want to. There is a 95% rate of succes for this procedure and I will know within a couple of months if it was succesful. Meaning, if my heart is going to race again it will within that time period.
I have no interest in playing. I admit I have not felt like myself since the operation and am very down. Anyone else ever feel this way? And why did it happen? I am beginning to think I need to see someone professionally about my "problem." Or, maybe I should just relax and when the time feels right I will want to play again. If you want to respond via email that is all right with me.
Thanks in advance,
Jean
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Author: susieray
Date: 2004-03-07 00:48
Sounds like it's the performance anxiety that's stressing you out so much. I agree that you should just relax about it, and perhaps it wouldn't hurt to take a little break. Why force yourself to play if your heart isn't in it? (pardon the pun)
And if/when you decide to start up again, do it for your own enjoyment, not to prove anything to anyone else, or even to yourself. You don't HAVE to play solos! That may sound like a cop out but really, you gotta do what's best for you. Playing the clarinet is supposed to be FUN, not stressful.
sue
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Author: Brenda
Date: 2004-03-07 01:47
This sounds so familiar - your doctor should know, of course, what the problem is and help you through this. But to me this sounds like pure exhaustion. The same kind of thing happened to me in the days approaching a January concert, and two days afterwards - the heart was racing, and I felt ill. Fortunately we had already booked a vacation. There I didn't have to cook, we got up when we felt like it, slept during the day when we felt like it, and I used ear plugs so the sounds of insects, birds or dogs wouldn't wake me during the night. It took four full days to finally feel bored, and I'm a type A personality.
This sounds like the busy Mom syndrome, where we take care of everybody else for years and years. We get up early and go to bed late, usually having to get up during the night to tend to children, then we go to work during the day and have to make supper in the evening.
I went through all of this for many years, while preparing my clarinet exams. I was really offended when my last examiner told me I needed more stamina. She was right, of course, but sometimes we need to be flattened out on the floor before we start taking care of our own needs for rest and nutrition.
Keep in contact with your doctor, but it sounds to me like you need absolute rest (not even a radio) for a few days. Walking outdoors, resting often, eating very nourishing dinners and snacks, and plenty of water should help. Surround yourself with isolation for a few hours, then spend time with supportive (not toxic) friends with whom you can truly relax.
Talking with other caregivers (Moms and others) I find that this is a very common problem.
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Author: john gibson
Date: 2004-03-07 02:02
Jean
Don't give up. Girl....you enjoyed playing. If you only play in the bedroom for yourself. That's enough. It's the music you make that brings enjoyment.
So make it for yourself. Don't stop playing. God bless and recover your self worth.
JG
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Author: Kalakos
Date: 2004-03-07 02:55
Hello, "Clarinetmama:"
I don't know you, but I am sorry to hear about how you feel. If you'll allow me, a stranger, to share a thought with you, I will. I have heard from many people who have had similar heart problems that there is a period afterwards during which they suffer much emotional anguish. It includes depression, or disinterest, and even a lot of anger (losing temper etc.).
What I will say is that this should pass. I do hope that it will pass quickly for you. Don't give up! Hang in, and you'll be back to yourself very quickly.
Good luck and God bless.
Kalakos
John Pappas
Kalakos
Kalakos Music
http://www.TAdelphia.com
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Author: msroboto
Date: 2004-03-07 02:56
Sounds to me like you genuinely need to heal right now physically.
Maybe now is the time to play something else like piano or guitar that wouldn't make you feel so winded after playing.
Good luck in the healing and the playing will come!!!
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Author: jo.clarinet
Date: 2004-03-07 05:55
Hello Jean,
I'm very sorry to hear that you are so down. Don't forget that this operation has been a huge trauma to your body - your disinterest in playing the clarinet is very likely a natural 'self-preservation' reaction on your body's part, and I'm sure that as you recover fully physically you'll begin to enjoy playing again.
All the best,
Jo
Joanna Brown
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Author: Rachel
Date: 2004-03-07 07:51
I agree with everyone, it sounds like you're just plain exhausted. Give yourself a break and then get back into it.
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Author: Mark Pinner
Date: 2004-03-07 09:23
Neither do I!
Just back from a tour, I am not touring any more says I about 5 years ago, left on a bus at 4 am yesterday morning (Saturday), first gig at 11 am after a 6 hour bus trip followed by an evening gig. Backed up this morning (Sunday) for another 11 am gig until 2 pm, 6 hour bus trip back. It is now just after 9 pm local time. I start teaching at 10 am tomorrow morning and the workshop is backed up with repairs a couple of which must be ready by Tuesday afternoon. If anybody ever accuses musicians of doing it easy they should immediately be sentenced to life on the road.
Look after that heart. You only have one and wind playing is fairly stressful on it at the best of times. Add some anxiety and nerves and you can have quite a dangerous cocktail. I had a similar problem about 8 years back. It was diagnosed as an oversized heart, about 1.5 times what the cardiologist considered I should have. The reasons for it happening were fairly obvious. I was a competitive cyclist and rugby union player as well as a woodwind player. The trigger was stress. Fortunately I haven't had a problem since. Stay off the cigars and whisky and give stress a wide birth.
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Author: justwannaplay
Date: 2004-03-07 10:12
Hello Jean,
If you just had a major operation you need to recuperate physically and not worry about playing, or anything for that matter (I speak from personal experience). Explore getting your physical health back in order - eat well, take vitamins and REST. It will take you months to heal. On the outside people will assume you are OK, but on the inside you've still got lots of healing to do, so don't try to get back to your normal work routine right away (I know because I did this and I did too much). I would advise not even thinking about the clarinet and music to boot. Get outside and take long walks when you can, and that's it. Just listen to the birds.
In some time you might want to think about seeing a therapist if you are have anxiety about playing, to try to get to the root of what is causing the stress.
Good luck and do get well soon,
Elizabeth
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Author: John O'Janpa
Date: 2004-03-07 15:04
Jean.
I'm not familiar with the specific procedure you had done, but healing completly after any procedure takes time, and a lot of your body's energy.
I had a procedure done several years ago and was very, very lethargic for about two months afterward. Eventually I recovered and everything returned to normal.
My advice would be to eat and drink right, proper vitamins, food groups, etc.
Very light excercise like walking, if your Dr. OKs it. Don't push yourself at anything.
If your experience is like mine, in a couple of months you will be your old self.
Hopefully minus the tachycardia.
I predict you will feel like playing again in a couple of months.
Heal quickly,
John
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Author: BobD
Date: 2004-03-07 15:21
Keep your chin up girl and take it easy for awhile. What you're feeling is a normal reaction to what you've gone through.......
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Author: marie_marius
Date: 2004-03-08 04:02
Hello Clarinetmama!
Well, I can sort of understand how you feel; I almost could not bring myself to continue playing the clarinet 2 years ago because I had severe allergic rhinitis at that time and I was really afraid. I would like to share my story(sorry, its a little long) and hopefully, you won't give up and continue playing like I did.
My allergic condition started way before I picked up the clarinet but it kind of became worse as the years go by. My nose would be very blocked most of the time and I sometimes could not breathe properly. Although playing the clarinet requires one to breathe through the mouth, I could only do so with much effort as I'm often tired.
When I went to college, I was very reluctant to pick up the clarinet again. My teacher warned me about the long hours I have to practice and having to cope with the heavy schoolwork as well. Also, I was afraid of my unpredictable nose condition. I went for the band eventually. And then, the worse that could happen indeed happened! Just a month aft i joined the band, my nose started acting up! I was suppose to take part in a lunchtime concert in college but because of my allergies that developed into an infection, I couldn't! I was really upset and angry with myself. (It took me abt 2 wks+ to recover and I believe many people thought I just want to escape band prac)
Well, after that, I still continued playing. When my nose goes crazy now, I simply take a break and stop playing for a while. I think you should continue playing as long as you have a love for it and if you feel that performing on stage is causing too much stress, then just play for your own pleasure! Don't give up!
Marius
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Author: ginny
Date: 2004-03-08 15:47
I am not qualified in anyway medically. Please check with your doctor.
I recall that after heart surgery people often suffer a significant depression. My father seemed to, although normally a pretty unflappable guy. I don't know what procedure you had, or if it would have a similar effect, but certainly worth a phone call to your doctor.
My personal advice (I have thought of giving it up recently as well, probably due to an having too high powered a teacher for my level) is to force yourself to play just a little to keep your hand in.
Call the doctor. The sun will come back to your clarinet playing after a while, this is temporary.
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Author: mw
Date: 2004-03-08 17:14
At times I seem to alternate playing v. listening. Sounds like this might be a fine time to listen, if you enjoy that sort of thing. Sometimes I pull out the sheet music, other times I simply listen.
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Author: ron b
Date: 2004-03-08 17:24
I have nothing by way of advice, Jean.
I'm sorry you don't feel well, of course, but for cryin' out loud -- you just had (I don't care what 'they' say) a pretty rough and scary medical procedure done on you, kid. I can only agree with other well-wishers that you need to give yourself lotsa time to recover. For an energetic person like you that's not easy, I know - but I hope you can find time and will find time ( oh, shuuurr...![[right]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smilie8.gif) ) to do a lot of music listening.
Like so many others I wish you a smooth, and perferably not too long, recovery. In the meantime; God bless and lots o' proxy-hugs.
- ron b -
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Author: Laurie C.
Date: 2004-03-08 18:50
I had a procedure (probably the same one) for SVT. For 6 months before the procedure, my heart would race out of the blue. It was terrifying because it would happen when I was driving and it made me lightheaded when it happened. What you're feeling will go away. You've probably lived for a period of time fearing that skip the heart does before it starts racing. It keeps you on edge and under a lot of stress and you have lived like this for some time. Now you are told you are probably o.k. but will know for sure in a month. I spent the first week after the procedure in fear that it would come back and was afraid of what it would mean if it did. I decided that if it came back, then I would handle it that I was not going to spend any more time worrying about it. I started playing with a softer reed so I would not create so much back pressure when I played. But remember, if your situation was like mine, I could never predict when the racing would start and could never isolate the things that triggered it. Don't fear the clarinet. If playing is half the tonic to you that it is to me, trying it a little at a time until you are comfortable. Best of luck to you, Clarinetmama
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Author: Carol Dutcher
Date: 2004-03-10 00:07
I will be thinking about you too and hopefully someday you will want to make a little noise on your tootle horn. In the meantime, you could sort out all those reeds, sort out your music, polish up the clarinet, buy some brand new clarinet swabs, or best of all, listen to some good clarinet CDs. I have a feeling it won't be long before the desire to play will grab you again. Just a little bit now and then maybe? My husband had bypass surgery and it took months for him to get back to feeling really good. What helped him the most was walking. He went to the park every day and walked as long as he could. My very very best to you. Carol
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