 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: Steve Epstein
Date: 2003-09-28 05:43
A post by Mark Pinner on the ethnic clarinet board (see "Oktoberfest" topic) has inspired me to start this thread. My apologies in advance to Mark C if eventually he has to review 352 posts ![[grin]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smilie5.gif)
I play mostly for set dancing and traditional couple dancing, e.g., contra, English country, waltz, polka, done by hobbyists / afficionados (of which I am also one). I despise playing a little reel called Golden Slippers. Not hard at all, but a whiny, grating tune that no piano player with whom I've yet played has managed to doctor its chords to disguise sufficiently. Since I live in Philadelphia, PA, USA, it is a very popular tune because it is the signature of the Mummers Parade. We don't play requests but if we did it would be requested. We usually end up playing it in open band when someone who doesn't come very often to open band is leader that night and has put it on the tune list. Yuck ![[down]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smiley23.gif)
Steve Epstein
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Author: GBK
Date: 2003-09-28 07:07
After more than 30 years of playing club dates and weddings, we should now lobby for a Federal law banning both the Hokey-Pokey and the Chicken Dance.
However, far worse is when your band has to accompany an off-key relative of the bride and groom who decides to sing "My Way" ...GBK
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Author: EEBaum
Date: 2003-09-28 08:08
Hehe, GBK...
A pianist one night said to the singer he was accompanying at a bar, right before the show started, "Tonight, I want you to start in C, then modulate to F# about two minutes in, switch to Mixolydian mode for two bars right before the climax, change the high G to a Gb, then modulate subsequently into D minor, E major, and B minor, before the grand finale in A."
The singer replies, "That's insane! How do you expect me to pull that off?"
To which the pianist says, "Easy! Just sing like you did last night!"
-Alex
www.mostlydifferent.com
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Author: GBK
Date: 2003-09-28 08:22
To EEBaum:
I've worked with that singer ...GBK
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Author: Tom A
Date: 2003-09-28 08:33
She works in a lot of bars, and has a completely different appearance in each one. Sometimes she's a bloke.
Post Edited (2003-09-28 11:46)
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Author: bob49t
Date: 2003-09-28 08:39
Yep, Golden Slippers has to go. A true candidate for GBK's "Federal Flunkers".
I'm going to raise a few hackles here, but I've become thoroughly fed up of the many hackneyed versions of the great pipe tune "Highland Cathedral" which is always turning up in one form or another in the Cathedral where I'm Music Convener. What galls me more than anything is that the sung version nevers goes on to the second part which is a lovely tune.
So, anything other than the original HC goes in the bin.
And, another thing, for years I've played Schubert's "Der Hirt auf dem Felsen" and enjoyed it for the lovely piece it is. As years have gone on however, I've been asked to play it so many times and with so many sopranos singing "in the cracks" and having coughing fits etc, that the gleam has gone from it and unless paid unquantifiable sums of dosh, it's off limits. Sorry folks, I know it's lovely, but the memory of bad experiences lingers.
Actually this is where this thread may take off - "flunkers and the tales behind why they are what they are."
There again, as I haven't done a search, this may have been covered many times before. Could be amusing however.
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Author: clarnibass
Date: 2003-09-28 08:44
i don't mean to be rude, but this is not the way to tell this joke. it should be that the conductor says that to the rythm section, then the singer asks: 'how am i going to do that??' and the conductor says: 'just sing like you did yesterday'.
it makes more sense this way because in your way, the pianist can just tell the singer 'sing like last night' in the first place.
i hope i am not harsh on you or anything but i had to correct that in case anyone will use this joke in the future.
thank you.
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Author: Tom A
Date: 2003-09-28 11:45
I teach small groups at a boys' private school. Do you have any idea how many times I've been asked to play "The Simpsons"?
Maybe I should be optimistic and believe it's because they want to learn the Lydian mode.
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Author: CPW
Date: 2003-09-28 14:00
Hang on Sloopy, Sloopy hang on....
Mexican Hat dance
Electric slide (esp. for all the unaccompanied fat chicks to dance to) {disclaimer....no, I have nothing against unaccompanied fat ladies/women, etc...just an observation....or is it profiling...oopps..profiling is illegal}
edited version : Electric slide ....so that persons of a certain gender who are gravitically challenged and who do not have dates either by design or circumstance, can dance....OK that is much more PC
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Author: Mark Charette
Date: 2003-09-28 14:35
From my "cover band" days:
Stairway to Heaven
Feelings
Walk This Way
Misty
New York, New York
Hey Jude
...
Some of these are great tunes - unless you have to play them every night ...
Then there's about 20 different C & W songs ...
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Author: Micaela
Date: 2003-09-28 15:02
I can't stand playing poor arrangements of a really good piece of music, e. g. "Themes from Symphony No. 5" or "Symphony No. 1- Excerpt."
Thankfully, I'm out of high school so I won't be seeing those too much more.
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Author: John O'Janpa
Date: 2003-09-28 16:03
"Softly"
If I happen to be practicing when my wife decides to go to bed, she always asks me to "Softly". Before we were married, I never knew she was such a big Sinatra fan.
Along similar lines, when our in-laws were visiting, my wife was playing the piano for us. Her mother kept asking her to play more, so my wife would rattle off another tune. It wasn't until about the forth request that we realized she wanted to hear "More" the theme from "Mondo Caine".
Back to the thread, I hate playing the 43rd repeat of Pomp & Circumstance
during our college graduation ceremonies. (I play in four ceremonies per year as a civilian member of our college Wind Symphony.)
John
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Author: Melissa
Date: 2003-09-28 17:25
Well I think if I ever have to play the song "Imagine" by John Lenon one more time my head is going to explode. Maybe if it was a solo and wasn't for concert band... it just gets a tiny bit repetitive playing 14 eighth notes then 2 sixteenth notes then a eight note for about 5 minutes. Maybe I should sneak a trumpet part and I could play the melody.
Melissa
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Author: theclarinetist
Date: 2003-09-28 17:38
2 words.... Pachabel's Canon .
I've played many weddings (with my dad, a classical guitarist) and I literally cringe whenever I hear this song. I've played it more times than I can remember! From talking to other people who play weddings and similar events (especially some friends I have in a string quartet) - my disdain for this piece is held by lots of musicians.
Two piano songs I equally hate playing and hearing. Fur Elise and Heart and Soul. Everyone who can play a little piano tries to play Fur Elise (and butchers it worse and worse each time). A piano teacher friend I have said she refuses to teach this song to her students because it bothers her so much. As far as "Heart and Soul"... I don't think any explanation is necessary on that one
Don Hite
theclarinetist@yahoo.com
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Author: CPW
Date: 2003-09-28 19:50
Bagpipers soooo hate Amazing Graze at one funeral after another that they call it
Amazing Disgrace
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Author: Mark Pinner
Date: 2003-09-28 23:12
Clarinet Polka
Hava Nagilah
Pennsylvania Polka
Die Sneelwalzer
Liechtensteiner Polka
Schutzenliese
In Munchen Steht ein Hoffbrauhaus
Sounds like set list from last Friday. Come to think of it it was.
Other classics include
In The Mood
American Petrol
Anything else by Glenn Miller especially the Anvil Chorus. It was one said "Glenn should have lived and his music should have died".
Golden wedding
Any barn dance medleys at all
Ditto for Pride of Erin medleys
Golden Slippers is pretty crook too. I have ever played and never will play the Simpsons for under 1 million dollars. Amazing Disgrace ranks up there as does any concert band music by Alfred Read especially El Camino Real. Don't forget When the Saints and Yaketty Sax!
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Author: CPW
Date: 2003-09-28 23:33
Two more words:
HOKEY POKEY
Against the windmills of my mind
The jousting pole splinters
Post Edited (2003-09-28 23:33)
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Author: Katrina
Date: 2003-09-28 23:38
I have a violinist friend whose fee rises whenever she's asked to play Pachelbel's Canon at a wedding. Really.
I have another friend who hates Miserlou. We get requests for that all the time in the Int'l Folkdance circuits.
For me...well, I don't really think there's any thing right now that I'm at the level of despising.
Mark quipped, "Then there's about 20 different C & W songs ..."
To which I reply, "Aren't they all the same songs?"
Katrina
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Author: GBK
Date: 2003-09-28 23:43
"...Mark quipped, "Then there's about 20 different C & W songs ..."
To which I reply, "Aren't they all the same songs?" ..."
Yup... My woman left me, my pick-up truck is broken and my dog died.
or, when played in reverse:
I find a new woman, I get a new truck and my dog comes back to life...GBK
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Author: Mark Charette
Date: 2003-09-29 00:12
GBK wrote:
> "...Mark quipped, "Then there's about 20 different C & W songs
> ..."
>
> To which I reply, "Aren't they all the same songs?" ..."
Not when good ole "Whiskey River" takes your mind, or when the devil travels down to Georgia ... 
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Author: EEBaum
Date: 2003-09-29 00:20
Thanks for the fix, clarnibass... I'd heard the joke years ago and forgotten the delivery, so just filled in as good as I could remember It does make more sense that way.
-Alex
www.mostlydifferent.com
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Author: Joel Clifton
Date: 2003-09-29 02:19
Ahh, but in the Lydian mode the B would be flatted. I think.
Edited - no, wait, that would be phrygian.
-------------
"You have to play just right to make dissonant music sound wrong in the right way"
Post Edited (2003-09-29 02:24)
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Author: lyn
Date: 2003-09-29 03:03
>>I teach small groups at a boys' private school. Do you have any idea how many times I've been asked to play "The Simpsons"?<<
What you do here is totally loosen your embouchure, and play like a 5th grader...... Gives the tune a bit of character, LOL....
~L
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Author: pzaur
Date: 2003-09-29 03:58
Any compilation of Duke Ellington tunes arranged for band. Talk about a way to brutalize any Ellington tune.
...No, no, no, I said to swing it! Not perfect quarter note eighth note triplets!
pat
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Author: ned
Date: 2003-09-29 06:20
This one's for Aussies only, maybe for the Poms too perhaps!
"Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport"
American, European and Asian colleagues who wish to know about the meaning of the title of this number - just ask.
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Author: Rick Williams
Date: 2003-09-29 15:05
In no particular order:
Time Warp
Achy Breaky Heart*
Stand by your man*
Theme from Titanic sung badly by teary eyed and drunk bridesmaids
The Lambada at a weight watchers party
The Macarena
There is a good reason why you don't find clarinets in CW songs!
Best
Rick
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Author: clarinetwife
Date: 2003-09-29 15:50
OK, John Kelly, I'll bite. What about the Kangaroo?
Some of you may remember that the music store in the "Wayne's World" sketches had a sign that said "No Stairway to Heaven". In the music store I worked in, where our desks were, we had a sign that said "No Girl From Ipanema" One of the piano salesmen constantly played that song.
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Author: ken
Date: 2003-09-29 16:31
Some barf-making (Leroy Anderson, I think) band clarinet section feature called "Clarinet Candy". After 9 excrutiating renditions in a row I was never so disgusted with music and the instrument my whole career. Worse, it had to be memorized so I had to waste more time getting it under my fingers, and the melody was so cornball and repetitive I couldn't shake it from my brain and psychologically abused for months post tour ... oh gawd, there it goes again!! I swear, I'd willing to be eaten by dogs before being subjected that piece of trash again ... there, I feel better now. v/r Ken
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Author: Ralph G
Date: 2003-09-29 16:39
I do "Clarinet Candy" once per year (twice if you count the rehearsal run-through) in my summer municipal band, so I'm not as tired of it yet as you are. But it's not up to Anderson's usually catchy standards.
I'm sick of "Marche de Soldats," a little dirgy 16-bar march that the conductor of my patriotic band just loves. Ever had a piece of music where you just couldn't really figure out how it should be interpreted or played, where every rendering just comes out sounding all wrong? That's "Soldats" for you. I think it tries to invoke imagery of goose-stepping soldiers memorializing a fallen comrade, but the wind band version just gets it all wrong. It might play better with an all-bagpipe arrangement.e
________________
Artistic talent is a gift from God and whoever discovers it in himself has a certain obligation: to know that he cannot waste this talent, but must develop it.
- Pope John Paul II
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Author: David
Date: 2003-09-29 17:19
That silent tune "celebrity" conductors are always simpering and emoting revoltingly to. It never bears the tiniest relation to whatever the orchestra are playing.
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Author: Ralph Katz
Date: 2003-09-29 18:43
Familarity breeds contempt. What about those football marches that college bands play endlessly? Everyone here must not have played in college marching band.
I played the Taco Bell Canon at a wedding last summer in a self-made arrangement for Flute, Clarinet, and Bassoon and it wasn't too bad, although the best part was doing the arrangement.
The wedding bands I am in so dislike Hava Nagila that it is not in our books. We will play it if our hosts really want it, although the bandleader insists on calling it "Hava 'Nother Nagila".
I would add:
Military Escort (march)
anything from Fiorello
anything by Slim Whitman
Two musicians, a jazz musician and a country musician, committed a heinous crime together. They were caught, tried, convicted, and sentenced to die on the same day. The warden came in and asked if they had any last requests.
The country musician said, "Just let me hear 'Achy Breaky Heart' one more time."
The jazz musician said, "Take me first."
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Author: Jack Kissinger
Date: 2003-09-29 18:53
In no particular order:
Bunny Hop
Prelude to Die Meistersinger
Handel's Water Music
Yellow Bird
Best regards,
jnk
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Author: glin
Date: 2003-09-29 20:52
Mark,
I saw a concert with a vocalist, guitars, and background orchestra doing a rendition of "Stairway to Heaven". With the orchestral element, it was a refreshing twist. But if you played it a million times, you have my sympathy.
My two cents, from too many German Band gigs:
Lichtensteiner Polka
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Author: Mark Pinner
Date: 2003-09-29 23:30
Looks like the Liechtensteiner polka has 2 votes. I thought I would omit my concert band non favourites but I have changed my mind.
Broadway Centre Stage
Sinatra in Concert or any arrangement of Sinatra songs
Ditto for arrangements of Duke Ellington 2 votes again
Antonin's New World
Festival Overture
Any psuedo jazz/swing rock and roll
Any discoised version of classical music
The brass band repertoire contains a few repulsive favourites but you can go no further than the Floral Dance. I have heard the Brighouse and Rastrick Band live playing real music and they are stunning, the Floral Dance was an embarrasment and reached no. 1 on the UK pop charts. I was once told to "never underestimate the stupidity of the audience". Any arrangements by Edrich Siebert.
In the big band field any arrangements by Jimmy Lally.
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Author: Melissa
Date: 2003-09-30 01:12
I think I will add a few more pieces.. Oh god here it goes.
- Heart and soul - god forbid that I walk into my schools music room in a bad mood because whoever is playing that song on that particular day might lose their head... and yes someone is always playing that song.
- Eine Kleine Nachtmusik - I have only been asked to play this piece about 50 billion times, oh minis the time someone confused that with the song Morning by Grieg, how I will never know.
- Lady Marmalade - after playing this song for 3 years in a row it gets slightly repetitive, and then there’s the fact that the same people still make the same rhythm mistakes even though they are taught how it really goes every single year.
- Pink Panther - also because I have playing for the passed 3 years.
- Pomp and Circumstance - Again I have played it for the passed 3 years. I now play it an octave higher to try and make my brain think it is something new... I think it was a failed plan because the song still drives me nuts.
Melissa
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Author: Bob Schwab
Date: 2003-09-30 01:49
I know I'm going to catch hell for this but after 20 years in the Air Force it wouldn't break my heart if I never heard The Star Spangled Banner again.
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Author: diz
Date: 2003-09-30 01:56
GBK said
I've worked with that singer ...GBK
was she Florence Foster Jenkins by chance??
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Author: diz
Date: 2003-09-30 01:58
And, on a much more serious note ... if I ever hear the Vegemite jingle it won't be too soon.
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Author: CPW
Date: 2003-09-30 03:10
That does it......now we are on to advertisements
Doublemint gum jingle
The Mitsubishi eclipse jingle where that girl does that snake-like dance with her arms
Jay Leno's theme song..whatever it is called
The Man Show song
The Clorox "Mamma makes our house...." reggae tune
Any Ad using and abusing Thus Spake Zarathustra
.....and 6.02 X 10 the googleth power other commercials
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Author: diz
Date: 2003-09-30 03:39
GBK - I won't open that one ... let me tell you.
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Author: Tom A
Date: 2003-09-30 05:24
When I lie in bed at night, I can never get Cage's 4' 33" out of my head.
Sorry about that, it must be in the delivery.
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Author: msloss
Date: 2003-09-30 14:17
Diz,
What luck - a lead sheet! Know anybody who could arrange this for clarinet choir?
http://www.vegemite.com.au/media/music.pdf
;->
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Author: Eileen
Date: 2003-09-30 17:13
The marching band arrangement of MacArthur Park. Although it's probably better than hearing the lyrics of the original version. You can leave that cake out in the rain.
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Author: fmadison
Date: 2003-09-30 20:51
Hi,
How about those wonderful Clarinet Concertos by Pleyel...
I can't stand it!!!
-Frank
It's the wood that makes it good!
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Author: diz
Date: 2003-10-01 00:32
An arrangement for clarinet choir of the Vegemite Jingle?!? - that's akin to prostitution in my book
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Author: msloss
Date: 2003-10-01 13:10
I don't think it is fair to characterize prostitutes so harshly
And by the way, with all the wedding band players on this board, I can't believe nobody mentioned Wind Beneath My Wings. Particularly when the bride's cousin's mother's aunt's stepdaughter's housekeeper twice removed wants to do her Bette Midler impression with the band.
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Author: CPW
Date: 2003-10-01 13:24
It was Fascination, I know, but One Moment in Time, is enough to make you wish for Yesterdays.
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Author: Ella
Date: 2003-10-03 06:58
I was on a flight back from Thailand, on the in-flight radio station I heard Pomp and Circumstance about 9 times. This in addition to playing it every year while 2000 seniors SLOWLY proceed to the stage, and our youth orchestra is playing it this year! As for commercial jingles, does anyone remember the pizza bagel commercials?
Pizza in the morning
Pizza in the evening
Pizza at suppertime
With pizza on a bagel
You can eat pizza anytime!
I heard it a lot about 6 years ago, and it still haunts my dreams. Oh Lord!
Anyone who can hear screams, can also hear music.
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Author: EEBaum
Date: 2003-10-03 07:41
Arrg!
My two-week no-annoying-song-stuck-in-my-head streak has just been broken :( The fact that I'm writing back about it will only solidify its diabolical presence in my thoughts.
I think the lyric is "When pizza's on a bagel", not "With pizza on a bagel"... I think I'll go into a corner and cry now for knowing that.
I'll agree that in-flight radios are beyond awful (even worse, on one flight the "classical" station was littered with lousy romantic poetry between each piece).
-Alex
www.mostlydifferent.com
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