 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: johng ★2017
Date: 2003-08-29 16:26
What kinds of jokes have you seen played on conductors? Some of the old standbys are the naughty picture hidden in the score, the group playing the wrong piece, etc.
One that I remember from college was that we noticed on a swing around the state on tour that when we finished a particular march, the conductor would dramtically leap from the podium just as we played the last note to encourage the audience to applaud. We played that last note, the conductor leaped, and we repeated back to the last strain without him. He was good natured about it later.
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Author: Ed
Date: 2003-08-29 16:36
I have a friend who used to conduct on Broadway. He told me of the time that he gave the downbeat to the overture and the entire pit came in one beat late.
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Author: marcia
Date: 2003-08-29 17:50
During a rehearsal of Opera excerpts, with chorus, when we got to the Toreador March the orchestra members put down instrumentd and joined the chorus in singing, very loudly, Toreador don't spit on the floor.........but the conductor was so preoccupied or something that he didn't notice. So, the first bassoonist asked if we could please play that part again..........and this time it was suuccessful. I think the conductor was extremely embarrased at not having noticed the first time and laughed along with us.
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Author: David Spiegelthal ★2017
Date: 2003-08-29 18:46
Way back in high school orchestra, we in the wind section (who for some weeks prior had been secretly practicing instruments other than our usual ones) all switched instruments --- brass players on woodwinds, woodwinds on brass --- although we kept our same seats on the stage. We held the instruments low beneath our stands so the conductor, who was a very nice older lady (and actually quite a decent musician) couldn't see them. She came on stage for the rehearsal, gave the downbeat, and we all came in playing the 'wrong' instruments. Since we had been practicing them in secret it wasn't complete cacophony, but within a few bars the conductor (whose eyesight wasn't that great) stopped the orchestra and said, "Something doesn't sound right......" Once she saw what we had done she was a good sport about it.
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Author: Ralph Katz
Date: 2003-08-29 19:58
This is not a joke, but a true story. A few weeks ago, on a pass in the Green Mountains in Vermont, we stopped to eat lunch. Among the people enjoying the view up there was tenor Ben Heppner with his two sons. Later in the day, we ran into them again at the Ben & Jerry's factory. While waiting for our plant tour to begin, Ben related the following story.
He was soloing with the Chicago Symphony. I am embarassed - I can't remember what piece - but the tenor sits for 60 minutes and then sings exactly 144 notes.
Sir George Szolti is rehearsing the strings endlessly, and Ben is sitting in the back, quietly talking with horn Gail Williams. This goes on for quite a long while.
Suddenly, out of the blue, Szolti turns to him, and in a very loud voice says, "HEPPNER, STOP FLIRTING WITH THE HORN PLAYER!"
At this point, Larry Combs stands up and says "Hey, what's going on over there?"
The entire orchrestra cracks up.
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Author: Alphie
Date: 2003-08-29 23:16
During a performance of Stravinsky's "The Rakes Progress", in the auction scene, our tenor had changed the auctioneer's wooden hammer into a childrens plastic hammer with a little white bunny on top of it that said "bip" instead of "BAM". At the first "bip" the conductor looked up as the bunny fell off and landed on his stand. The conductor who was a man with a poor sence of humor furiously conducted his way through the scene moderately amused by all the "bips" as the orchestra was in agony from silent laughter.
Alphie
Post Edited (2003-08-29 23:25)
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Author: Mark Pinner
Date: 2003-08-30 12:27
I can think of a couple that I have seen but not, I repeat not, perpetrated. The old classic is to glue, or superglue the baton to the conductors stand. Another is to paste something rude or pornographic onto a page of the conductors score. I also remember one funny experience. I was playing second basson in an opera, professional, and the principal player was somewhat eccentric. The conductor was world renowned and married to a world renowned coluratura soprano. I am from Australia so it shouldn't be hard to guess, anecdotally speaking, who I am talking about. The said principal was a Swiss gentleman and the last professional exponent of the French bassoon in the country and quite a character to boot. After enduring the sitzprobe he decided in the dress rehearsal with the orchestra in the pit to pipe up and say, re the conductor and quite audibly, "This guy is vucking putting me off. He is sheet, vucking idiot. Vatever you do don't vatch" (you have to imagine the accent and excuse the expletives but they are contextual). And promptly turned his chair 45 degrees towards the cello's and didn't watch the conductor for 11 whole performances. The conductor was scared witless of this guy; he played immaculately but he couldn't look at this the conductor at all.
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Author: Terry Horlick
Date: 2003-08-30 14:38
I have a memory from my dim past of a successful joke played on my junior high school band director. He was an excellent teacher whom we were glad to have, a member of the L.A. Philharmonic orchestra who demanded our full attention and obedience. It was Christmas time and we were preparing "Sleigh Ride" which ends with a horse sound trumpet solo. Not getting the effect he wanted from the lead trumpet player he insisted that the player "blow his lungs out" at the end to get the propper volume.
The next day we were back in rehearsing the same piece, but when we got to the end we heard the most god-awful deafening noise from the trumpet section. Everything stopped and was silent as we all turned and saw the first trumpet aparently unconscious and slumped over his stand, the trumpet was still at his lips and an enormous red sock was dangling out it's bell. After a few moments of shocked silence the director burst into laughter followed by the rest of the band.
That player had waited all rehearsal to pull that one off on everyone else. The performance that evening came out fine and the director seemed to lighten up thereafter.
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Author: Melissa
Date: 2003-08-30 16:50
Well this was not a joke played on my conductor but it is a very embarrassing story that I am sure if she knew I was writing this on the internet she would surly slap me down to 3rd chair. Anyways my conductor gets slightly excited when we play and sometimes "wails" her arms around as she conductors, well one day as she was "wailing" her way through a song her baton flew threw the air and hit the 1st chair flutist right in the head, and since she had no clue what was smacking her in the head she let out the loudest scream ever know to musicians. Another day we seemed to be having a lot of trouble keeping on beat, so the conductor decided she would use scissors to conduct with so she could hit the stand with them to keep beat. Well you can be sure that the flute player did not play during that rehearsal, because she was to busy ducking under her stand. Luckily the scissors did not go flying, but we all make sure to tell our conductor to please never use scissors.
Melissa
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Author: Dan1937
Date: 2003-08-30 19:20
This joke was played on me when I was directing a high school band nearly 40 years ago. It was April Fools' Day (I should have known!), and after warming up the band, we began tuning. I noticed the smiles on the faces of two clarinet players, but ignored it. When I asked these two players to play a tuning pitch, they continued to smile, then laughed. They had not put reeds on their mouthpieces! ![[grin]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smilie5.gif)
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Author: Alseg
Date: 2003-08-31 00:23
A former clarinet teacher related a story about a prankster in his clarinet section who played practical jokes. Once he put mustard plaster solution on the chair of the oboist prior to a concert or opera....the poor guy squirmed his way through the entire opera or symphony. The prankster finally pulled one too many and was eventually fired.
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Author: EEBaum
Date: 2003-08-31 08:22
On a slightly related note to Dan's story... once at a rehearsal on the day of a concert, my friend and I had reeds all right. Rico 1 1/2's. High school band, of course. "You guys sound like crap" is an approximation of our woodwind coach's comments.
-Alex
www.mostlydifferent.com
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Author: clarnibass
Date: 2003-08-31 10:26
this is a known joke but also a true story that happened to a friend of a friend.
one time the conductor of the orchestra was ill, so one of the string players had to replace him for one rehearsal. after the rehearsal one of the string players saw the person who conducted the rehearsal and told him: "you are here? where were you during the rehearsal?"
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Author: Lee
Date: 2003-09-01 20:08
It occurred number of years ago during a dramatization of the Messiah by our church. During the ascension scene the actor portraying Christ was to be flown up into the fly loft. The night of the dress rehearsal when the director gave the down beat for the accompanying music we all started the (secretly rehersed) superman theme much to the shock and consternation of our director. Nearly every year we did something but this was probably the best.
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Author: msloss
Date: 2003-09-02 12:50
High School Music Institute at Northwestern in the mid-80's -- proof the conductor was either inattentive or possibly incompetent. The trumpet section played the opening fanfare for Capriccio Italien (in rehearsal) 1/2 step higher than written. The conductor merrily waved his baton along realizing nothing until the first non-brass entrance. He stopped, looked very confused, and probably spent a good 5 minutes trying to sort out who was wrong.
BTW, that is not an easy piece to play when you can't stop laughing...
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Author: BG ★2017
Date: 2003-09-02 13:24
We were playing in a pit orchestra for a touring show of "Mack and Mabel" years ago where everyone on stage was throwing meringue pies at each other. The conductor had come through our town with other shows and was an upbeat, young female with a good personality. I was the closest one to her in the pit and had arranged to get an extra pie for a performance toward the end of the week. During the bow music as she turned to the audience with the spotlight on her there was a pie waiting for her face as she turned back to finish conducting the orchestra. Yes, she took it very well, the audience roared, and she often told the story in other cities, probably as a rite of initiation. I do not recommend this prank, however, unless you are very sure of the outcome!
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Author: Ralph Katz
Date: 2003-09-03 16:39
You indeed cannot be too careful of your pranks.
A college musical theater troup had something known as the "Goldberg Seventh" - the last performance of every run, the horn player, Goldberg, played the seventh of the final chord of the playoff music, instead of what was written in his part. At that time, he had played this note twice a year for about 15 years.
Apparently the conductor was trying to put on a good show for his teacher who was visiting from out of town. Unbeknownst to Goldberg, the last note of the playoff music for this particular show was a unison and not a chord. The conductor heard the seventh, sensed immediately that it was intentional, and flew into a rage. He stormed off into the wings, breaking his baton into pieces as he went. After I had made my way backsctage, the conductor, beet-red, met me in the hall. "Who did that? Was it Goldberg? I'll see that he never plays another show!"
This conductor is now a respected conductor on Broadway, and Goldberg is still at playing, but his Seventh has been retired for about 25 years.
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Author: yo_dude24
Date: 2003-09-06 16:50
I can remember this one time my teacher (conductor), a great man and good friend to me was conducting a beautiful piece of music, the name exscapes me at the moment, and we played it allright then at the end the bari sax player (an annoyence to the band and maybe even to himself) kept playing his own little thing and hearing this my conductor threw the baton in the air, woosh goes the baton and boom....got stuck in the celing!
I'm just sittin here watchin' the wheels go round round....i really love to watch them roll
* John Lennon
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