Author: Peter
Date: 2003-02-08 18:45
After re-reading this, it doesn't sound too extremely encouraging to me, but, I've had a burnout or two in my lifetime, lived other burnouts with friends, and it sort of sounds very familiar to me. Sort of like the road to hell in a hand-basket.
Are you losing confidence in your ability to do a right job of it?
If you've been doing this for years with any measured degree of success, why not now? What has changed?
Is it the playing or the appearing in front of people that has you down like that?
Is it the thought of going to where you have to go and face any particular individual, or group thereof?
Is it performing any particular task that you must perform every time you appear in public to play music?
At what point in the process of getting there does this hit you? Keep in mind that the "process of getting there" can be a days-long affair.
On your way there, do you just want to not get there? Wish you could just keep going somewhere else? Does it get more difficult to leave your bedroom (or other place of personal comfort) every time?
Does it take you longer every time to mentally prepare for going out to play? Did you go from minutes, to hours, to days during which you must psychologically "talk" yourself into doing what you have to do?
Do you find and/or remember all the little things you neglected to do (that have nothing to do with the task at hand) whenever you have to go out to play and start doing them until you are borderline late to your engagement?
Have you recently changed music or equipment and don't feel as comfortable with the new as you did with the old? Has your practice time diminished or disappeared altogether?
The last time I got like that, I came to realize that I hated my job, it depressed me to think of going to it, that I had been fooling myself for eons about it and that I dreaded the thought of having to go there at all, never mind going there to "perform" in any capacity!
Think about it, maybe you're burning out on it and need, at least, a temporary break from it.
On the other hand, I've known people who have just lost confidence in their ability to do what they need to do properly, and this is most especially so of people who have to do what they do in front of "witnesses" to their mistakes. In situations where mistakes are irretreavable.
The most recommended way to get over this in music has been to get into the practice room and practice until you know every note of everything you play like you know how to tie your shoelaces, sight unseen and with your eyes closed. Until your embouchhure, breathing and fingerings are perfect. Until the instrument practically knows what to do on its own.
But this only works if it's a matter of confidence, not other issues.
I've also known people who were just never cut out for it (whatever)and didn’t realize it until they were burning out on it.
If it is loss of confidence, this might work for you. If it's that you have come to hate your musical job, or the fact that in it you have to strive for perfection every single time you get out there, are sick and tired of it and the stress is getting to you, then you might just need to take a break from it, during which you need to determine if you want to continue doing it, or not.
I had a close friend who worked in, and eventually inherited his father’s part in an advertising related business, which operated exclusively to handle a single $100,000,000.00 (yes, one hundred million dollar!) account, of which the business kept an average of $25,000,000.00 in net annual profits. The pressure of having to perform/produce to the quality level required burned him out.
He started drinking and “drugging” to relieve the stress. The last time I saw him before he disappeared, he was mowing lawns for a living, and relatively happy with it, so long as he could afford his wine.
I can tell you a few other, similar stories.
Whenever I have to do something that makes me nervous, I just say, "To hell with it, what's the worst that can happen?" And the worst that can happen is most often not as bad as what might happen if I don't do it, whatever it is. Then I arm myself with resolve and go out and do it right, but you can only do that up to a point, when it really starts getting bad, you have to determine what it is that does it to you and resolve the issue, one way or another, before it takes you down with it.
As I have found out, when you do something you love to do for a living, it often turns into work, and when it does that, it has a habit of turning on you, often with detrimental results. That's why there should always be a healthy difference between work and hobbies. It works out for some, but not for others.
Take a pill and chill, Will!
"Exert yourself like a man, and you will succeed in your endeavor." I don't remember where that came from right at this moment, but it's been with me for more than 40 years and it's never failed me.
Good luck!
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