Author: McDonalds Eater
Date: 2022-06-17 21:40
I have been dealing with a plateau for the past 6 months and I just can’t seem to progress at all.
No matter what long tones, slow fundamentals, listening to different clarinetists, or approaching the clarinet from different angles, I just cannot improve. This is driving me insane.
I’m in this state of like the more I hold the clarinet the harder it gets. The more the days go on the further behind I get. It just seems that no matter what I do I am not content with my playing. I also cannot have a practice session without overthinking everything and trying to play “correctly.”
As a result of this my mental health has also declined. I started getting intrusive thoughts that I had never ever had. This is the first time I have wanted to quit for good. This is the first I have started questioning if this was indeed my path. This is the first time I have started questioning whether or not I’m good enough for this. This is the first time I have started comparing myself to others (this is a big one). I’m still stuck at home doing nothing while all my friends and colleagues are having the time of their lives playing in prestigious festivals, playing masterclasses with big names, subbing with professional orchestras, or progressing with their careers. And here I am, still an unknown with nothing done for his resume.
The drive, passion, and confidence that I used to have are at an all time low for me. Picking up the clarinet to practice is starting to feel more like a chore (I had also never felt this). Picking up a score to study is starting to feel like schoolwork that we don’t like. I’m approaching my final year of undergrad at a very reputable institution, and I still honestly don’t hear much difference from my 1st year of playing.
I live for the music. It’s what I like doing. And I don’t want to quit. But I’m also tired and frustrated of having 10-minute “practice” sessions where nothing gets done.
I don’t know what to do.
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