Author: EEBaum
Date: 2012-11-14 18:00
The other day I quit music.
Completely and utterly quit.
I didn't take a day off, I didn't set the instrument aside for a while, I didn't decide to go on an extended hiatus.
I realized that I didn't like playing, that I hadn't practiced voluntarily in ages, that the prospect of doing music was stressing me out, that I didn't like playing shows, and that I would very much like it if, despite everyone saying I should stick it out, I could just walk away.
So I walked away.
I composed a text to the guy that leads a band I'm in, telling him that I'm out. It was liberating. I have never felt so free. My finger hovered over "send." I breathed a huge sigh of relief.
At this point, I was just making sure I had worded the message properly. I was through with music, and I was happy.
Then, a drift.
A momentary thought, a flashback to my undergrad, to one of my teachers, to his explanation of how notes play into each other and how to create forward energy and so on.
And suddenly a rush, an overwhelming flood of what I *LIKED* about music, came crashing all over me. For the first time in years, I *wanted* to practice, I *wanted* to play, I *wanted* to be in bands and played shows.
My attachment, tooth and nail, to music as something I *should* want to do had created an enormous amount of baggage and resentment toward it. Letting it go allowed me to shed that baggage.
This is why I recommend to you all, now and again, to quit music and see if it brings you back. Until now, though, it was entirely a philosophical exercise. I had never truly quit it myself. And I can say now, from experience, that quitting isn't so scary, and that for me the spark that drew me back was almost immediate. But with other things I've quit there has been no spark at all. Leaving my career in software, for example, has led to almost no draw back to it. In either case, it can show you what you're doing because you want to, and what you're doing because you feel you should or are obligated.
If you're ever unsure about music, quit it. Don't "say" you'll quit it, but legitimately quit it and look at what else the world has to offer. You'll be better for it, whether or not it draws you back.
-Alex
www.mostlydifferent.com
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