 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: 2E
Date: 2011-06-13 09:30
For carrying a band substance :p
LOL </clarinet joke>
2E.
Post Edited (2011-06-13 09:30)
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Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2011-06-13 11:36
A police SWAT team was called to a pre-school class yesterday because a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
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Author: Paul Aviles
Date: 2011-06-13 13:59
What do you call pall-bearers in Oklahoma?
Carry-OKies
.............Paul Aviles
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Author: clarnibass
Date: 2011-06-14 04:45
Maybe because your tenon corks need greasing.....
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Author: 2E
Date: 2011-06-14 07:36
BADOOM crashhhhh
A man walks into a meat store looking for some brains for dinner. He looks at the selections:
Flute Brains $1/pound
Percussion Brains $5/pound
Tuba Brains $10/pound
Saxophone Brains $100/pound
He asks the butcher why saxophone brains are so expensive. The butcher replied, "Do you know how many saxophone players you have to kill to get a pound of brains?"
Keep 'em coming :P
2E
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Author: Claire Annette
Date: 2011-06-14 11:17
What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
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Author: FDF
Date: 2011-06-14 16:41
What is the definition of a gentleman?
A man who knows how to play a bagpipe, but doesn't.
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Author: Claire Annette
Date: 2011-06-14 16:52
Whay did the sax player say at his gig?
"Would you like fries with your burger?"
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Author: Claire Annette
Date: 2011-06-14 16:56
What's the range of a trumpet?
Oh, about 10 to 15 yards.
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Author: JJAlbrecht
Date: 2011-06-14 17:31
What's the dynamic range of a trumpet?
Fortissimo to REALLY loud.
How do two trumpoet players greet each other?
"Hi.... I'm better than you!"
How do you get a chainsaw to sound like a baritone sax?
Add vibrato.
Why is a bassoon superior to an oboe?
You can hit a baseball farther with a bassoon?
What's the difference between a bassoon and an oboe?
You can use the oboe as kindling for lighting the bassoon.
and so on....
Jeff
“Everyone discovers their own way of destroying themselves, and some people choose the clarinet.” Kalman Opperman, 1919-2010
"A drummer is a musician's best friend."
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Author: gsurosey
Date: 2011-06-14 17:45
C'mon, where are the flaming viola jokes; there must be some here...
I have this piece of work to add. I found it on Facebook a while back and borrowed it (with permission of course). I may have posted this here before (or the klarinet list, or somewhere, I don't remember; maybe jsut LiveJournal). This is straight copied, so I didn't modify anything (therefore I already know all the note names are capitalized and the theory geeks among us are in pain).
Anyway...
THREE NOTES GO INTO A BAR
C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.”
So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished; the G is out flat.
An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.”
An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.
Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, “Get out now! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: “You’re looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development.” This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au naturel.
Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest.
The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides he needs a rest - and closes the bar.
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Rachel
Clarinet Stash:
Bb/A: Buffet R13
Eb: Bundy
Bass: Royal Global Max
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Author: justme
Date: 2011-06-14 18:43
What do you call 20 clarinetists at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
"A critic is like a eunuch: he knows exactly how it ought to be done."
CLARINET, n.
An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarinet -- two clarinets
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