 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2011-12-14 21:19
An oldie but goodie.
Dear Abby:
I have a problem. I have two sisters. One sister plays the alto clarinet and my other sister is a prostitute. My mother died from insanity when I was three years old. My brother was just sentenced to death in the electric chair and my father sells narcotics. Recently I met a girl who was just released from prison where she served time for smothering her illegitimate child to death. Abby, I love this girl very much and want to marry her. My problem is this: should I tell her about my sister who plays the alto clarinet?
Ken Shaw
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Author: tictactux ★2017
Date: 2011-12-14 22:38
I, as an Alto player (and owner, no less) must protest. This just isn't fair. No, it isn't. The instrument deserves better than to be played by not-quite-good-enough players that are relegated to play off-beats for hours on end.
Maybe it's also because of substandard repertoire...would there were better pieces...
Anyhow. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbPYdQVRXv4
(yes, I also laugh at AC jokes, don't get me wrong...)
--
Ben
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Author: Joseph Brenner, Jr.
Date: 2011-12-14 22:49
That's great, Ken; thanks. I'm sure this tale would work equally well if it featured the bagpipe or viola. jbjr
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Author: justme
Date: 2011-12-15 00:47
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_IA8K7xK8g
"A critic is like a eunuch: he knows exactly how it ought to be done."
CLARINET, n.
An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarinet -- two clarinets
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Author: davyd
Date: 2011-12-15 03:13
Among my youthful indiscretions was 2 college semesters of clarinet choir, in which I played the 1 and only alto, a Selmer owned by the school.
Nowadays there could probably be a Reality TV miniseries based on Ken's letter. I'm sure there's a family somewhere that meets the requirements, though perhaps not the alto clarinet bit.
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Author: Buster
Date: 2011-12-15 03:13
Ken,
Just the comic relief I needed today..... much thanks!!
I could offer some jokes back, but most of the content would be quickly clipped ;-)
-J
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Author: David Spiegelthal ★2017
Date: 2011-12-15 04:05
All seriousness aside, with regards to the YouTube clips, I actually was a bit disappointed with the sound of the two players (as wonderful as they are), in that for my tastes they sound TOO much like soprano clarinets. I prefer an alto clarinet sound that's a bit more bass-clarinetish (to coin a phrase) --- deeper down low and in the clarion and a bit more neutral/"whiter" in the upper register (sort of like the old British soprano clarinet sound when the top players were on Boosey & Hawkes 1010s, if you know what I mean).
Anyway, good stuff -- the joke and the sound clips. Alto clarinet is fun to play, when the opportunity arises.
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Author: gsurosey
Date: 2011-12-19 16:44
I played alto clarinet for a couple yearsin college wind ensemble before switching to bass in my 5th year when the bass player graduated. I seem to remember Philip Sparke's "Dance Movements" having cool and important (and non-doubled from what I could hear) parts in it. Other pieces I remember playing were Overture to Candide and Festive Overture. I can't say I mastered it, but I played it well enough to not chase anyone out of the room.
----------
Rachel
Clarinet Stash:
Bb/A: Buffet R13
Eb: Bundy
Bass: Royal Global Max
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Author: alto gether
Date: 2011-12-20 06:12
That could be a banjo joke. I prefer the ones that are instrument-specific, as in:
What's the difference between an accordion and an onion?
Accordions are marked for easy slicing.
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Author: clarnibass
Date: 2011-12-20 07:39
>> I, as an Alto player (and owner, no less) must protest. <<
Now we also need a joker to protest
Unlike Dave, I actually did think the tone was a bit "bassic" It was the not-so-tight playing that was more of an issue (especially in the first clip). I liked their tone actually.
I like Sebastien Texier playing alto clarinet. There are tracks where he plays a lot more with it (solos etc.) but there's just a little bit here (but there's great trombone from Guéorgui Kornazov) http://youtu.be/asvnmqKabew
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Author: Ed Palanker
Date: 2011-12-20 21:37
LOL, I think that's a deal breaker. Good fun at the alto's expense. Understandable though. ESP eddiesclarinet.com
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