Author: Lelia
Date: 1999-08-19 13:16
Paul, thanks for that balanced and strongly-worded comment. I agree with you, and would add one more thought: Some people can't get over their stage fright. I'm one of them. Years ago I gave up music because it had become total torture. Nobody ever put pressure on me, forced me to practice or did any of the other classic "heavy authority" things that supposedly produce crippling stage fright in students. I don't have a nervous type of personality in general, and am comfortable with public speaking. Yet for reasons that still mystify me at age 51, I got to the point, late in high school, where my stage fright became so severe that I froze in orchestra class and even at piano lessons with a teacher I liked. By the middle of my freshman year in college, I couldn't play, at all, on any instrument. I quit. Years later, I got back into music by promising myself that I never had to play in public again. I decided not to try to analyze all this any more. Trying to "work things out" was a frustrating waste of time, so I just bypassed all thatnvael-gazing and started playing in private. I don't even pick up a kazoo at a party.
A few months ago, a clarinetist I met here on this BB (who knew nothing about this history) came over to my house and we tried out each other's clarinets. I pretended to be very casual about the whole thing and, without actually trying to play any real music, noodled a few scales, without starting to shake, a first. Maybe someday....
Well, probably not. For me, this is what works. I love my music, I practice every day and I'm having a great time as a solitary amateur. If I want to stop and find some reason to get gloomy, I could probably work my way up to feeling sorry for myself because I can't make music with my husband, a very good amateur violinist who plays in chamber groups. Well, there's plenty of other stuff we can and do enjoy together. I've learned to do what I can do and not worry about what I can't do. Sure beats doing drugs.
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