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Great News Fron Vandoren

Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2013-04-01 23:05

Madame Lirpa Loof, the 120-year-old owner of the Vandoren Company, has made a dramatic announcement:

"Beginning today, Vandoren will be DOUBLING the number of good reeds in a box from 1 to 2.

"We are able to take this step because we have at last eliminated the infestation of our arundo donax marshes by the Neanderthal Panda (Tyrannopanda Rex).

"Let me explain. Long extinct in China, TpRex survived in a tiny oasis in the Gobi Desert, discovered by French archeologists during my childhood. This gigantic creature was the carnivorous ancestor of modern pandas, but had not yet converted entirely to a diet of bamboo. Standing 10 feet tall when reared up and weighing over 2,000 pounds, it had 12" long razor-sharp fangs for tearing the flesh of its prey. TpRex was completely omnivorous. It ate enormous quantities of cane in addition to bamboo and also developed a taste for human flesh, resulting in heavy losses among our cane harvesters.

"With TpRex gone, we can at last harvest all the arundo donax we grow. This in turn allows us to gather enough of the good cane to put two good reeds in each box.

"We know that clarinetists all over the world will hail our generosity and good will. Everyone should buy several boxes of Vandoren reeds right away, because the bounty may not last. We understand that the Buffet Mafia is planning to take over our marshes. When they have a monopoly, it is unlikely that you will be able to find a good reed without buying at least 10 boxes."

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