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Re: burnt out

Author: Laurie
Date: 2006-08-08 15:31

At the first university, going into my JR year my clarinet professor retired. I spent a year studying with the new teacher they hired, had a real tiff about me and we did not get along at all. It was extremely hard to work with him and i don't feel i learned as much as i should have that year. I had an unfavorable jury and a rough semester ( 3 immediate family deaths, and a messy breakup of a long term relationship ) After considering my options, i decided to transfer. The quality of the program wasn't the same as when i started and i was miserable there.

I transfered with a 3.4. I'm a sister of SAI and i tutored reading. I do community service and volunteer work. I had an entire psychology minor that i lost when i transfered ( You can only transfer in 75 credits to any university, I left with 100 ) I'm an Emergency Medical Technician and a Pharmacy Technician. I was on E-board of Campus Rescue, and worked with kids at the counseling center. I ran sections and scale club. I've always worked hard and put forth my best. My last semester at the first school i spent a semster teaching first grade general music.

I transfered and had a very successful first year. It was hard retaking a lot of classes and sitting through stuff i did 3 years ago but i did it. I was playing mid section in ensembles, performed in a quartet, played in a few great masterclases. My playing has improved. But the lack of love is there. I don't mind taking classes with kids younger then me. I know you mis read that, I do respect them for the talent and the skills they posess. And I learn things from them and vise versa. I guess i get frustrated, when they act like the're better then me, because i have to retake all these classes, that they've done. And that hurts because i've been through the program not once but twice.

I know all i can do is make the best of this. I'm taking choral conducting next semester, because i can't take anything more in the instrumental track, as well as lookign into minors. If this is all not possible. I'm moving off campus and working part time and being a part time student - thus only taking the 2 required classes.

I'm just so sick of the drama and the school rivarly. I feel like somdays its not even about me and the courses, its more about where i came from. I feel like it's a game.. even tho i took the same course at the first school.. Because my current school and old school are rivals within the NYS school system i feel like its like they have to prove that the're better and that my prior school is "inferior", thus making me re-take the course. I know this is riduculous and probably all in my head... but 1/2 the time when i walk out of meetings that is how i feel.

I just wished i loved playing like i use to. I really have no motivation anymore, and just want to get out. I'd do anything to get out. I havn't had an easy time over the past four years, but i work hard. I work extremely hard. I wish that meant something. I know in a competitve school such that i'm in, i'm not going to find any support and or achnolodgment of any accomplishments. Going to school for music has truly killed the love of studying music.

Your comments back are greatly appreciated and truly show me a different view point. I thank you and apprecite it more then you know.

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Author

Date

burnt out new

Laurie

2006-08-08 05:41