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10 years

Author: Philip Caron
Date: 2017-01-03 04:49

10 years ago today I was a year and a half into a pretty bad depression. For no conscious reason I looked in a closet full of junk, and noticed there covered in dust the clarinet case I'd stored over 3 decades earlier, intending at the time to get back to playing it soon and maybe become a professional some day. Funny how years go by.

I could barely make a sound. (Vandoren #5's). Scales and fingerings were spotty in memory. After 5 minutes of ugly sounds my lip was sore and spent. That was the first day back.

I played again the next day, and the next. Every day. The depression went away.

Practice time gradually lengthened. Sound and facility improved. Problems were solved, not always directly. Ideas changed, goals came and went. I kept at it.

I played a few summers with the local town band. It's hard to connect with people. I thought if I got good enough at playing it would help, but it did not (maybe actually the opposite.) Being good at something isn't in and of itself about connecting with people.

I'm still at it. I usually practice about 3 hours a day. I'm probably much better than I was years ago in that first incarnation; for sure it's different. You can't go back, but you can go somewhere.

I've memorized about 40 pieces and counting, mostly etudes I like: Jettel, Uhl, JeanJean, Klose, Miluccio. Ha, the flute solo from Stars and Stripes. I play them all about equally crappy, though some people, the few who ever hear me (none of whom are musicians [I don't know any musicians]) - those few say they like my playing.

So far in this incarnation I haven't had a teacher. One can do a lot by listening, with the ears and with the mind. However, I'm seriously considering some lessons with a good pro.

It's hard to say if this effort is going anywhere but where it already is. Depression is held at bay, a good thing. Even though what I do is almost entirely solitary, I feel like something. I feel like a clarinetist. I'm not planning on overthinking that.

I'm glad for this bulletin board, my main point of contact with the musical real world. Thank you everyone for 10 years of clarinet and human reading and writing.

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Re: 10 years

Author: Wes
Date: 2017-01-03 06:54

Yes, it would probably be good to take a few lessons from an expert teacher. Is there any opportunity to play the saxophone where you live?

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Re: 10 years

Author: Phurster
Date: 2017-01-03 16:26

Thanks for your courageous and honest post Philip.
Playing music can give us all a sense of purpose. Clarinet is especially challenging and stimulating-I'm glad it works for you.

I would encourage you to have some lessons with an expert player, it might open your eyes to what is possible or suggest new directions in your playing.

I'd also suggest (hope you don't mind), simple ideas such as regular exercise. I know this can help.

Chris.

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