 The Clarinet BBoard
|
Author: Alphie
Date: 2003-08-24 17:33
Ok, three minutes before concert. First piece: Bernstein: Candide ouverture. Swabbing Eb-clar. Tight, speaker pipe pops out. Finding it two minutes later on the floor. Putting the screw back as the conductor walks on stage. Luckily no leaks.
Tour of Japan. Schostacovich 5th. Sound check in Kyoto two hours before concert. MP of Eb.clar broken. Taxi to the biggest music store. 10(!) B40 Eb-MPs in stock. Picking one. Concert saved.
Dress rehersal contemporary piece with very exposed bass-cl. part. Dissaster, speaker key problem w. long rod for RH3 out of balance. Went to repair person in the afternoon, no fix. Sitting on stage before concert, no work. Bending a key randomly, system ok. Can play down to low C no problems. Concert OK.
This were three nails into my coffin. How did you put yours in?
Alphie
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Synonymous Botch
Date: 2003-08-24 17:36
Remind me never to get on an elevator with you!
There are two types of people in the world, those that use technology to their benefit and those with whom all machines are at War.
"If it first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving."
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: GBK
Date: 2003-08-24 18:00
Moussorgsky's Night on the Bare (Bald) Mountain, 12 measure rest before the big clarinet solo at the end of the piece, I take off the mouthpiece to swab out the clarinet one final time. The entire tenon cork of the mouthpiece comes off in my hand! (probably should have been using some of Doc's cork grease)
The 2nd bassoonist, seeing my utter panic (and ashen complexion) thinks quickly and rips a strip of material off her silk swab. She hands it to me and I wrap it around the bottom of the mouthpiece and wedge everything back into the barrel. Amazingly I created enough of a seal to play the solo.
I bought the 2nd bassoonist a new swab and some bassoon reeds in appreciation.
Now I always keep a second mouthpiece within arm's reach (and only use The Doctor's lubricants) ...GBK
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Barrie Marshall
Date: 2003-08-24 18:00
Just before a gig I was playing around with two different clarinets as one does, I was so engrossed I lost track of the time and I was still messing about when my lift arrived, I took the clarinets hurriedly apart and went off happily to play, I got there and tried to put my clarinet together and I had the top and bottom joints from two different instruments, of course they would not fit together, it would have been a disaster but luckily the gig was at the local university about ten minutes drive from where I lived.
One New Years Eve playing a jazz gig, everything ready, I checked the clarinet it spoke to me happily, we had a little while before we started to play so I was wandering around chatting to people clarinet in hand, the band leader called us all up to play. he beat in the first tune, I blew into the thing....nothing happened, I had lost a rod screw in the top joint during my walkabout, they played the first number with no clarinet, I just stood feeling very foolish, The band leader anounced to the guests that I had lost a screw off my clarinet and would they help us to find it, we had most of them on their hands and knees scouring the floor, in a few moments it was found some distance from the band stand, a great cheer was given!
(Check all screws on a regular basis)
I was playing an Albert system clarinet I had been given in a pub and one of the long keys on the bottom joint just broke, it had been badly fixed by somebody in the past, once again I was lucky, it was a local pub about five minutes drive from home, the band played a couple of numbers without me while I went home to get it. So overall my coffin nails dont count as I fortunately fixed them.
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: CJB
Date: 2003-08-24 19:55
During a local community band concert the pad fell straight out from the side Eb/Bb key. Glad to say it didn't roll far, stuffed it back into the cup and used alternative fingerings for the rest of the evening!
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Alseg
Date: 2003-08-24 20:08
Old saying....I would rather be lucky than good.
Or...necessity is a mother.
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Ralph G
Date: 2003-08-24 20:52
Not many.
1) Pad on key between chalumeau E and D pops out minutes before municipal band concert. Won't stay in no matter what. Horn is a dead soldier for the concert; I just fake it. Luckily I'm on of many 3rd clarinets. At some point I lose the pad. Thanks to obstinance of local music store who won't fix it without keeping it for weeks, it's Super Glue and a slice of cork for the rest of the season, which works great.
2) Same horn, years earlier at high school district band auditions. So far I've done great and think I may be in the 1st chair hunt. I get called up for next round, start playing, get the C#/G# gurgles. I stop, a friend/fellow competitor tosses me a swab, but the judge says keep playing. So I keep going, flubbing several times. I end the day with 4th chai
________________
Artistic talent is a gift from God and whoever discovers it in himself has a certain obligation: to know that he cannot waste this talent, but must develop it.
- Pope John Paul II
Post Edited (2003-08-24 20:56)
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Alphie
Date: 2003-08-24 21:54
Another one: Traditional late summer outdoor concert with the RSPhO.
30 000 people in the audience. Light classics on the program. Me playing Eb-cl. in Candide and Schostacovich "Golden age suite". Bass clarinet wants the day off and asks me to fill in for him in Elgar: "Pomp and circumstance". No problems, no rehersal required. One second before start I see "Bass clarinet in A". A fuse went in my head and not a single note came out. Luckily the part was "ad lib." so what the heck. Nobody died.
Alphie
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Carol Dutcher
Date: 2003-08-25 00:38
I was in a trio, drums, accordion, clarinet. Drummer's seat broke and he fell onto the floor behind me. Accordian player whipped around to see what had happened and somehow sliced his finger on something. Blood all over his white shirt. Accordion player calling my name, waving his bloody finger at me. Drummer calling my name, wanting me to help him up. Somehow we got through the evening. It's nice to be needed.
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: kenbear
Date: 2003-08-25 01:19
When responding to the "bells up" instruction in Mahler symphonies, make sure there's plenty of room between you and the music stand...... ouch!
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: JMcAulay
Date: 2003-08-25 05:43
High School concert. I am #1. 15 minutes till concert time, I am blowing soft chromatic scale. L3 sliver key pad casually falls out of pad cup and onto floor. I have no cement. Second Clarinetist, bless her heart, immediately puts gum in mouth and begins chewing. With five minutes to go, pad is reinserted using tiny disc of bubble gum as temporary adhesive. Worked all evening long. I still have a soft spot in my heart for that fair lady.
All else pales in comparison.
No matter what goes wrong, *something* can fix it. Such as using a sousaphone case belt when I forgot my baritone sax neck strap. Better than hauling that thing around with my thumb.
Regards,
John
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: bob49t
Date: 2003-08-25 07:20
Many years ago, our amateur orchestra hired a bass clar for the Tchaik Sugar Plum solo. Got it a week before the gig. Opened case, stink knocked me over. no time for exchange so cleaned it as well as I could. Case was old hard one with no support inside. How could a hirer let this slip ???
First time I had seen a bass clar, and when in a reasonably sanitary state, it did play all the notes I needed for "plum".
Many hours perfecting this solo.
Concert came, first time doubling (shortage of personnel) - no bass stand therefore laid it carefully on chair (no lectures please !- fully equipped now),
picked up bass in plenty time and (with breath taken a measure before for safety)------ SILENCE (deathly) - cold sweat on brow - hands became clammy - heart raced - no amount of amateur twiddling got to the root of the trouble before ----THE NEXT PART OF THE SOLO WAS ON ME - NOTHING AGAIN.
Decided to put bass down before heart attack and was quietly contemplating which method of suicide I would choose, when, just as the piece came to a rather empty close, I saw the problem.
The longest side trill key had jumped over its guide and was jammed open.
Several lessons here.
1) never play any hire instrument that smells like a Peruvian sewer.
2) make absolutely sure that brain and trill keys are in the correct place.
3) always take a clean set of underwear for the unexpected eventuality
4) never attempt to eat a plum with a bent trill key.
I still have nightmares about this formative event in my life and am perspiring now as I tell this pathetic tale.
BIG NAIL IN COFFIN, YES ?
PS the hirer was persuaded to waive all hire charges and he paid the postage as we threatened to invoke the Pest Control Militia and the Health and Safety Mafia.
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Mark Pinner
Date: 2003-08-25 11:16
I am lucky I have never had an instrument problem. However in my more stupid youth I mixed the life of a professional musician with that of a Rugby Union player, albeit a strapping 6'2", 14 1/2 stone inside centre. One Saturday I was playing a match at 1pm, all was going well ie. we were ahead by a reasonable margin and one of the lock forwards got himself injured and there were no suitable reserves on the bench. In a falsh of brilliance the coach decided that I, as the biggest back of the field and with prior experience as a forward, should fill the breach. As luck would have it I found myself on the bottom of a ruck and as things happen I ended up having the [stuffing] kicked out of me. My nose just happened to get in the way of somebodies boot and you guessed it, broken nose. I was patched up by the trainer and continued for a while but was eventually taken off the field and to hospital. The good doctor in casualty in his infinite wisdom packed my sinus cavities and nostrils with gauze and taped up the outside of the nose and dose me up with the requisite pain killers. When I got home I decided to find a depo for the nights gig. You guessed it again I could not find one solitary unemployed musician for the night. Bravely I extracted the gauze, an almost orgasmic experience I can assure you, put ice on the nose and by 7:15 I was on my way to the gig which started at 8. All was going well until near the end of the first set. Firstly the pain killers wore off, ouch!. And then the predictable happened. Blood everywhere all over my saxophone, dinner suit, floor etc.. I ended up back in hospital by 9:30 for observation and couldn't play for a month, football or music. I had another incident with a broken foot when the bandleader, a notorious [idiot] , insisted I stand for the whole gig instead of propping myself on a stool. The pain got the better of me and after getting a stool and sitting on it an altercation occured with the said bandleader who was being a little unreasonable about the whole thing and threatened to belt me. I invited him to take his best shot which he evidently did. I grabbed his arm and then his body still attached to his piano accordion and dragged him out of the restaurant in front of the crowd, to great cheers, and threw him out into the street. I went back and with the blessing of the restaurant manager finished the gig on piano. The bandleader was banned from the place and I kept the gig for another 18 months. One of these days I am going to write a book!
[Please find less offensive words when writing stories. Mark C.]
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Barrie Marshall
Date: 2003-08-25 14:22
Carol Dutther, mentioned blood all over the place, I was on a pub gig when I got a nose bleed, I always know when they are about to start so I went to the toilet and sorted it out, they are always very mild, I am walking back towards the band and have almost reached them when I had to sneeze, it was so fast I did not have time to do anything about it, the remains of my nose bleed sprayed perfectly across the front of my white shirt, I did not have another shirt and had to play for about another hour with a rather interesting shirt design!
Here is one that did not involve me, but a friend who plays alto sax, they where on stage for the second set of a concert and the first number is Baker Street, my friend picks up his alto sax, no sling, they had to stop for him to get it from the dressing room.
Post Edited (2003-08-25 14:27)
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Brenda
Date: 2003-08-25 16:45
ChamberWorks concert - right in the middle of a beautiful quartet the cellist's G string snapped. We heard the pop - the helpless look on the cellist's face told the whole story. They let him go backstage and replace the string, then began at an appropriate spot near where the quartet had politely stopped.
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: William
Date: 2003-08-25 22:44
(nervous) high school sophmore playing Weber's Concertino at first State Festival for judge Himmie Voxman. All went well until I reached the ascending thirds on the first page--and my low C/F pad fell out onto the floor. I quickly apologised and forced it back into the cup. A few measures later it fell out again. This time, Mr. V. asked me if I had a match. "No, I don't smoke." Any gum?". "No, I don't chew while I am playing." Then Mr. V. suggested that I wet the backside, reinsert it and continue. I did, and all went well until the sixteenth note runs, 2nd page, where gravity once forced an unplanned pause. And on my first experiance at State Solo and Ensemble Festival went--play some, pick up the pad.......play some more, pick it up again, until the end was mercifly reached. Mr. Voxman was sooo patient with my sophmoric difficulties and smiled gently as I left the room.
He later wrote on my cretique card that I should "have my instrument checked before next years festival"--but said that despite the interuptions, I noted that I played well, checked all superiors, and gave me a First Division rating.
Later, at my end of career retirement concert, after thirty fours years of teaching, Mr. Voxman was in the audience to hear his grandson play clarinet in my middle school band. Afterwards, he came to the bandroom and I related the above story to him. His reaction was the same as it had been forty three years before, he gently smiled, shook my hand and said that I "probably deserved it." I do not believe that I have ever met such a gracious and supportive person as Himmie Voxman, Emeritus Professor of Clarinet at Iowa University and co author of the Rubank Advanced Clarinet Method (my first private lesson book). He has touched and made better the lives of countless music students and professionals over the years (as he touched mine recently and, so many years ago).
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Henry
Date: 2003-08-25 23:13
Brenda...Until you clarified it was a "him", I had a totally different mental picture! Equally embarassing.
Henry
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: johng ★2017
Date: 2003-08-26 01:54
College production of La Boheme. 1st player falls down a flatiron (tall rocks in Boulder, Colorado) and breaks his arm a week before the performance. I step in. Everything great until a quick change from Bb to A and the reed and ligature both come off. The conductor whistles the solo. Doesn't do a good job whistling.
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Katrina
Date: 2003-08-26 03:33
I guess I'm lucky. My only problem was playing a wedding two weeks ago in a beautiful backyard. Under a tree. The tree disguised a bird until about 3/4 the way through the opening music. I guess I played well enough to "relax" the bird. I was wearing a white shirt. The bird had eaten something that was NOT white...
xoxo,
Katrina
(who said "ooooohhhh" way too many times while reading this thread!)
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: William
Date: 2003-08-26 16:35
And then there was the time that, during a July Fourth MPTF park concert, an unashamed canine walked up to the podium and performed a natural physical proceedure on the conductors leg. Professional musicians that were all were........we "lost" it for a couple of bars, but them continued as if nothing strange had recently occured. The conductor never missed a beat while the dog got a spontaneous cheer from the attentive audience members who always seem to "know a good thing" when the hear/see it.
(No, it was not the "Water Music")
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Henry
Date: 2003-08-26 23:02
There was a young cellist named Tess,
whose G-string was under much stress.
At the end of a stroke
it suddenly broke!
It's good she was wearing a dress.
Henry
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: saxlite
Date: 2003-08-27 00:25
Playing lead alto on a stage band gig; brought along my straight soprano sax but didn't set it up as the tune list did not call for it. Conductor decides to change, and calls tune with long soprano solo midway--I frantically assemble soprano, just in time to stand up and blow. And---nothing!! Blow again--just lots of resistance---then realize I failed to remove the pad- saver hidden inside the horn. Frantically elbow tenor player next to me to cover--but he's on the floor laughing! Still taking plenty of abuse over that one....
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: traysee
Date: 2003-08-27 19:54
My clarinet didn't break but when I was in 9th grade, I played a solo at the local city music contest. My accompanist forgot to take the cut so we ended up having to stop and start again. I thought it was my fault so was on the verge of tears when my judge-Himie Voxman smiled at me and asked me if I at least had fun playing it. I ended getting a 1 and although I don't remember exactly what he wrote on my comments, I remember it was extremely positive and encouraging.
traysee
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: moose6589
Date: 2003-08-28 10:59
Not exactly a stressful event, more of a funny and unique event. In orchestra concert at lincoln center, we got to a particularly heated part of the music, and the conductor was really getting into it, then suddenly, the baton flies out of his hand, goes up in the air twenty feet, and lands with a loud clang directly onto my stand. Could've been a whole lot worse I suppose. We just continued playing, even though many started breaking out into fits of laughter. One of the funniest moments I've ever encountered.
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: LeWhite
Date: 2003-08-28 12:15
In a recent performance of Stravinky's Opera "The Rake's Progress", the conductor hit himself in the face with the baton. I was only one of about three people who actually saw it. He acted as if it didn't happen and went bright red...
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Ralph Katz
Date: 2003-08-28 12:58
On a grant tour to out-state locations. Get out of the car in Big Rapids, MI to play a musical in 2 hours. There's my shoes, there's my horns, there's my music, uh - where's my suit? Oops - left my suit on the sofa in Ann Arbor.
Well, its in a pit - no problem. Get to the hall - no pit! Skipped lunch and ran downtown to Penneys, bought a suit off the rack. Never wore it again.
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: Rick Williams
Date: 2003-08-28 15:37
When I was in HS I made the local youth symphony as 2nd chair clarinet. First chair was a girl from another HS. Behind us sat this particular trombonist who would showboat by lifting the slide and flash it out and back after playing a part. The slide would shoot between our heads and it was a bit distracting.
We had two big performances each year. An afternoon performance for local shool kids and an evening performance for "the adults" who were regular Philharmonic ticket holders. For these two performances, the youth conductor was replaced by the regular philharmonic conductor who really scared the heck out of us in general. Very very serious person and as far as we could tell absolutely no sense of humor.
The afternoon concert goes as planned, then comes the evening performance. Every thing is going along, then comes this flash of trombone slide only it keeps going. It bounces off our clarinet stand, nearly knocking it over and spreading our scores on the floor, it then did a slow flip in the air then lands on the stage and slides with a good deal of noise directly to a position in front of the conductor who doesn't miss a beat. Half the audiance is laughing, the other half was gasping.
About 15 minutes later we have a intermission, so after taking his bows, the conductor steps down, and with a lot of exagerated movement, picks up the slide and walks, with a very stern look, directly between the 1st clarinet and myself hands the slide to the fellow behind us and says, "May I assume that we shall have no further occurances such as this?"
I couldn't see or hear any response, but the conductor just added, "good, see that it doesn't" and walked off with half the audiance in stiches. A bit later I was going to step out side to get some air but caught sight of the conductor with the youth conductor getting a smoke break. Both were laughing their heads off. The conductor said; "I nearly "blanked" when that thing came flying at me." The youth conducter added, "I think he did!" which got them both laughing again.
I found out years later that the conductor who struck so much fear in us had a absolutely wacky sense of humor and supposedly once showed up at a rehersal dressed as Col. Sanders and conducted using a rubber chicken.
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: ken
Date: 2003-08-28 19:28
I used to perform annual concert band gigs at a gazebo in the park summer series for the Philadelphia VFW. One year we got rained-out and moved to an indoor site. The alternate hall was a late 19th century elementary school with an all-purpose gym and trampoline-sized, rickety wooden stage. With only six tiny windows high on the walls, four dim ceiling cleaning lights and a cheesy 12-spot portable lighting tree the room was almost pitch black by downbeat.
It was customary in our concerts for the conductor to employ “kiddie conducting”. He roamed the audience randomly selecting a little boy and girl then usher them to the podium so they could flap their arms to a march. Normally, two kids from the first few rows would quickly volunteer but this time due to the poor lighting and excessive number of elderly he had to wade through the entire audience.
I was sitting 2nd clarinet on the outside end of the band, stage right. After an unusually long search our conductor found two kids and made his way back. As he began ascending the front staircase to my rear, I glanced across the ensemble and noticed folks breaking up. The faces of the flutes, horns and bones started turning a hue of bright, interesting colors with streaming tears. Some were cradling their heads in their hands. I wheeled around to see our conductor with a little boy around 8 in one hand and in the other; he had mistakenly grabbed a female midget about 40!
It was an awkward moment to say the least filled with suppressed laughter and embarrassment. Our director persevered and still introduced them both. As he escorted the women to the podium he went to grab her arms to get her started but she snatched the baton from him and cried, "I can do it, I'm very musical!" She gave a downbeat the band was totally unprepared for and only one trumpeter had enough composure to make the entrance and even he fizzled out after 4 bars. We all got “the look” from our conductor, managed to straighten up and get through the march the second time. v/r Ken <:-D
Post Edited (2003-08-29 13:31)
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
Author: GBK
Date: 2003-08-28 19:39
"...he had mistakenly grabbed a female midget about 40!..."
I think the PC term is "vertically challenged" ![[wink]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smilie3.gif) ...GBK
|
|
Reply To Message
|
|
The Clarinet Pages
|
 |
.jpg){kind=small}
.jpg){kind=small}
.jpg){kind=small}
.jpg){kind=small}
.jpg){kind=small}
.jpg){kind=small}
