 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: lala
Date: 2002-05-03 01:50
In my life I have moved no less than 6 times. Sometimes it was just next door, sometimes it was another country, and I've been in several very different communities.
Thinking back, had I been affected by the local community in my music education? When I was the only one who could play anything, I was almost suffocated because everyone, whether out of curiousity, admiration or jealousy, marked me out. When I was one of many, I felt intimidated as there was always someone smarter than I. Only when I was one of the few that I felt normal.
I have been playing with such thoughts these days because,well, I will be moving - again! - next month. This time it's very different - I AM THE ONE choosing the community. Not my parent, not my education, not my job, not my husband, and I am moving so that my future kid will grow up in a quiet, well-educated and very civilised community. My only worry is that he/she will be facing intense competition in school, and that makes me wonder if I am making the right choice.
Would you prefer to grow up among many bright kids, or would you want to be the outstanding one among banality?
Please forgive my long and self-centered post.
Lala
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Author: GBK
Date: 2002-05-03 02:18
lala...I think that you answered your own question when you said:
"...I am moving so that my future kid will grow up in a quiet, well-educated and very civilised community..."
It is far better to be around the bright, hard working achieving youngsters, than the "banality". Hard work never hurt anyone (as the old saying goes).
All of life is a competition in one way or another. Nothing wrong with that...GBK
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Author: BeckyC
Date: 2002-05-03 04:10
Where ever you decide to move.......I would just pray for a healthy 'kid', (child) and let them "Bloom where they are planted".
Becky
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Author: lala
Date: 2002-05-03 08:54
Humm... to me competition never worked. Failure discourages, but success... after the initial excitement, there is this unpleasant mixture of guilt and fear.
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Author: Don Poulsen
Date: 2002-05-03 14:08
Maybe you should be looking more at quality than quantity. Are the schools good? Is the environment healthy? Is crime low? Are there sufficient activities to keep a youngster healthily engaged?
And whether your child is in a large or small school, I think he/she needs to be in one that challenges them. The competition should be internal--with him or herself--not so much with others. And, in either case, it's your job to direct your child to strive to do his or her best, not necessarily to be trying to beat others. However, to avoid all competition just so your child can have a high self-esteem can be damaging. It is unrealistic and when the child has to face the real world, he/she will be unprepared.
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Author: BeckyC
Date: 2002-05-03 14:13
You seem to know where you want to go.
Besides........Whose to say that YOUR child would be the outstanding one among the banality?
Must have some humility, IMO.
Becky
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Author: Eileen
Date: 2002-05-03 22:51
I went to a good but not top ranked college and then went to Harvard Law School. I worked one semester as a T.A. for the undergrads. One thing I noticed about the Harvard undergrads was that they were so success oriented and afraid of failure that they avoided classes in any field in which they risked not getting a high grade. I was glad that I had gone elsewhere undergrad where I was not under that pressure. I know that I felt far more free to follow my interests and find my own path. Imagine if you were afraid to learn to play clarinet just because you might not be the first chair. A lot of us would have missed out on great experiences.
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Author: lala
Date: 2002-05-04 03:54
The community is perhaps the best I can afford. I've actually checked the statistics which look very good, and there are many top public schools.
I like the idea of internal competition! I will put it down in my list of things I am going to teach my future child.
And Becky, you are right. I am not sure if my child would be the best. I hope he/she will be, but I am not going to push too hard.
Eileen, exactly what I have at the back of my mind! When I was a freshman, I was as grade oriented as everyone. It took me a long while to realise that an C is as good as an A in the long run, and these grade C subjects, which include art appreciation and German Studies, changed my life more than all other. I never regreted that I took them!
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Author: William
Date: 2002-05-05 19:17
The old saying may provide some insight--"As the twig is bent, so grows the tree." Just be as good a "role model" as you can be and your child should do well no matter where you reside. Of course, "good soil" (community/school) helps the growth, but everyday nurturing and care at home is more important. "Be there" and be supportive and understanding. Parenting is perhaps even more difficult than finding the perfect reed--but much more important and rewarding in the end. Good Clarineting (and Moming)
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Author: Melanie
Date: 2002-05-05 19:31
I understand that too much competition and pressure is a bad thing, but at the same time, no competition is also bad. I also moved a lot (15 different schools). We finally settled down in a small isolated city. It was fine up until a point, but when I came to the university, I was shocked to realize how good clarinetists really could be. I had been one of the best in the city, and the ones that were better were not a lot better. When I got here to the university, I was in shock and very discouraged. I have learned to overcome this, and I am working my way up the latter here. Good luck in your decision.
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Author: lala
Date: 2002-05-06 00:57
I realize that it would be impossible for me to control everything, and how difficult it is to be a mom.
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