 The Clarinet BBoard
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Author: Morrigan
Date: 2002-09-04 14:24
Hi guys. I'm not sure what I can do... This year, I've been very depressed, in and out of hospital, and at one point couldn't play my clarinet for almost 3 months. Apart from that, I have a huge lack of motivation and since I'm in first year at college/uni now, I need to start getting serious.
I believe that my life occurrences have had a direct connection with my playing. Is it possible to disconnect the two? I've always kept them close together, my life and my music, as I believe they enrich each other, but mentally, there must be some way of seperating them when the need arises? Has anyone ever had to do this? Any with experience of keeping the balance and can share anything with me?
Thanks in advance.
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Author: LynnB
Date: 2002-09-04 15:22
Morrigan,
IMHO, your playing is a reflection of you and to disconnect the two would not let your audience hear what you have to say. I believe the lack of motivation you speak of is a symptom of drepression. If you could take just 6 months or one year off from school and work with a health care professional, I think you would gain so much in the long run. This is something you can end up fighting for a long time if you don't just tackle it now. Your playing will only benefit from your hard work.
Playing is obviously a very important part of your life but let's look at the big picture: You're MORE important. Your playing will only free up by taking out the mental burdens you're dealing with right now. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
LynnB
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Author: Kim L.
Date: 2002-09-04 16:32
I have also suffered from depression. You do not have to hold in your emotions because the more you hold in, the worse you will get. I am now taking only band and choir and seeing a counselor to help me get through my depression. Sometimes, not playing helps too. Just enjoying yourself and having fun can be relaxing.
Good luck,
Kim L.
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Author: JohnH
Date: 2002-09-04 17:49
Morrigan,
I generally don't post messages on the board, but your situation warrents a reply.
I am not a doctor, but have experence with depression both in my life and within my family. I know what is like not to want to do those things that bring us the greatest joys. In my case, and for those who post and read this board, playing, practicing, and studying the clarinet. You are not alone. Kim and Lynn are right both right. Music is part of your life, as is the way you feel. Focusing on the whole person will, in the long run, will help you again find joy in those things that you once did.
Counseling, with someone trained in depression can be of tremendous help. Also, being with those that you care about, friends and family, also is very important.
Your music is inside you, not in the clarinet. When you want to share, the world will be here to listen.
John
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Author: ~ jerry
Date: 2002-09-04 17:54
Oft' times we are our own worst enemy. I know that too often throughout my 60+ years I have put too much pressure on myself and have paid the piper.
I agree with Lynn above, first, you might take some time to yourself -- just you and the licorice stick and go somewhere peacefull (like the beach, or wherever you feel most comfortable) and play whatever comes to mind, without forcing yourself. I'm not talking about a one hour, or even one day, event. Take several days (weeks if you can afford it), even if you have to skip a semester (quarter -- however it is measured there).
Try it.........you'll like it.
GL
~ jerry
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Author: John
Date: 2002-09-05 02:29
the above posters all make excellent points. i'm in a similar situation myself, except that i want to play my clarinet more and more, since it is one of the only things giving me joy right now. it really is important to be near those you love...very important, especially for people struggling like us.
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Author: Morrigan
Date: 2002-09-05 03:52
Thanks guys, you really brought home the fact that music and life are one, which is something I really needed to hear, as I feel like I've lost it in the past months.
I've actually improved, just in the last 24 hours, even before reading these replies, and I think it was just hearing, from myself, what I wrote above, and I guess it made me think that I've had my break, been through bad times, and now it's time to move on. I'll definitely take your advice and see someone about it though.
I just got asked to do a recording of the Arnold Fantasy for solo clarinet, so once I've done that (in a couple of weeks), I'll put it up somewhere on the internet as an MP3 and I'll post the link here!
Thanks guys, you've all been a great help.
-MoRRIGAN
Melbourne Conservatorium, Australia
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