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 Dear Abby
Author: Ken Shaw 2017
Date:   2011-12-14 21:19

An oldie but goodie.

Dear Abby:

I have a problem. I have two sisters. One sister plays the alto clarinet and my other sister is a prostitute. My mother died from insanity when I was three years old. My brother was just sentenced to death in the electric chair and my father sells narcotics. Recently I met a girl who was just released from prison where she served time for smothering her illegitimate child to death. Abby, I love this girl very much and want to marry her. My problem is this: should I tell her about my sister who plays the alto clarinet?

Ken Shaw

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 Re: Dear Abby
Author: Elkwoman46 
Date:   2011-12-14 21:45

That is so funny.

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 Re: Dear Abby
Author: BobD 
Date:   2011-12-14 21:51

Great, Ken.

Bob Draznik

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 Re: Dear Abby
Author: tictactux 2017
Date:   2011-12-14 22:38

I, as an Alto player (and owner, no less) must protest. This just isn't fair. No, it isn't. The instrument deserves better than to be played by not-quite-good-enough players that are relegated to play off-beats for hours on end.

Maybe it's also because of substandard repertoire...would there were better pieces...

Anyhow. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbPYdQVRXv4

(yes, I also laugh at AC jokes, don't get me wrong...)

--
Ben

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 Re: Dear Abby
Author: Joseph Brenner, Jr. 
Date:   2011-12-14 22:49

That's great, Ken; thanks. I'm sure this tale would work equally well if it featured the bagpipe or viola. jbjr

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 Re: Dear Abby
Author: justme 
Date:   2011-12-15 00:47



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_IA8K7xK8g





"A critic is like a eunuch: he knows exactly how it ought to be done."

CLARINET, n.
An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarinet -- two clarinets

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 Re: Dear Abby
Author: davyd 
Date:   2011-12-15 03:13

Among my youthful indiscretions was 2 college semesters of clarinet choir, in which I played the 1 and only alto, a Selmer owned by the school.

Nowadays there could probably be a Reality TV miniseries based on Ken's letter. I'm sure there's a family somewhere that meets the requirements, though perhaps not the alto clarinet bit.

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 Re: Dear Abby
Author: Buster 
Date:   2011-12-15 03:13

Ken,

Just the comic relief I needed today..... much thanks!!
I could offer some jokes back, but most of the content would be quickly clipped ;-)

-J



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 Re: Dear Abby
Author: David Spiegelthal 2017
Date:   2011-12-15 04:05

All seriousness aside, with regards to the YouTube clips, I actually was a bit disappointed with the sound of the two players (as wonderful as they are), in that for my tastes they sound TOO much like soprano clarinets. I prefer an alto clarinet sound that's a bit more bass-clarinetish (to coin a phrase) --- deeper down low and in the clarion and a bit more neutral/"whiter" in the upper register (sort of like the old British soprano clarinet sound when the top players were on Boosey & Hawkes 1010s, if you know what I mean).

Anyway, good stuff -- the joke and the sound clips. Alto clarinet is fun to play, when the opportunity arises.

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 Re: Dear Abby
Author: Claire Annette 
Date:   2011-12-15 20:56

Good one! Loved it.

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 Re: Dear Abby
Author: gsurosey 
Date:   2011-12-19 16:44

I played alto clarinet for a couple yearsin college wind ensemble before switching to bass in my 5th year when the bass player graduated. I seem to remember Philip Sparke's "Dance Movements" having cool and important (and non-doubled from what I could hear) parts in it. Other pieces I remember playing were Overture to Candide and Festive Overture. I can't say I mastered it, but I played it well enough to not chase anyone out of the room.

----------
Rachel

Clarinet Stash:
Bb/A: Buffet R13
Eb: Bundy
Bass: Royal Global Max

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 Re: Dear Abby
Author: alto gether 
Date:   2011-12-20 06:12

That could be a banjo joke. I prefer the ones that are instrument-specific, as in:
What's the difference between an accordion and an onion?
Accordions are marked for easy slicing.

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 Re: Dear Abby
Author: clarnibass 
Date:   2011-12-20 07:39

>> I, as an Alto player (and owner, no less) must protest. <<

Now we also need a joker to protest :)

Unlike Dave, I actually did think the tone was a bit "bassic"  :) It was the not-so-tight playing that was more of an issue (especially in the first clip). I liked their tone actually.

I like Sebastien Texier playing alto clarinet. There are tracks where he plays a lot more with it (solos etc.) but there's just a little bit here (but there's great trombone from Guéorgui Kornazov) http://youtu.be/asvnmqKabew

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 Re: Dear Abby
Author: Ed Palanker 
Date:   2011-12-20 21:37

LOL, I think that's a deal breaker. Good fun at the alto's expense. Understandable though. ESP eddiesclarinet.com

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