 The Clarinet BBoard
|
Author: bassbuddy
Date: 2006-10-02 17:58
Hello!
Just for fun, I thought it would be cool to comprise a list of "You've Been Playing Clarinet too long When:"
Here's a start:
1) You have lips of steel
2) You begin to individually name your reeds based on their personality
3) Instead of telling an unwanted date "I have to clip my toenails" you say (honestly) "I have to balance my reeds"
4) You can play a chromatic scale full range up and down in one breath
5) You knit/walk/fold laundry/do any sort of movement in time with whatever music you're listening to
6) A frequent topic in your conversation is "How my clarinet playing is going"
7) "Clarinet" is a banned topic on long car rides
Be creative!
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Alseg
Date: 2006-10-02 18:08
You can recognize reed brands by taste
Former creator of CUSTOM CLARINET TUNING BARRELS by DR. ALLAN SEGAL
-Where the Sound Matters Most(tm)-
|
|
|
|
|
Author: GBK
Date: 2006-10-02 18:10
1. You know the difference between Bonade and Benade.
2. Your computer home page is "Ebay - Alto Clarinet - Mouthpieces"
3. You've named your first two children "Mark" and "Charette"
4. You replace all your ligatures every 3 years due to "ligature blow out".
5. You have Phil Rovner's phone number programmed on your speed dial.
6. You know the names of all the woodwind players in the Cleveland Orchestra
under Szell but you can't remember your kids' birthdays.
7. When you hear that the Army is using M16's in Iraq, you immediately think
of Vandoren mouthpieces.
8. You only need ligatures beginning with letters "Q" or "Z" to complete your
entire collection of the full alphabetical list of all ligatures.
9. You absolutely have to know what kind of thumbrest cushion Drucker,
Neidich, Morales, and Stoltzman use.
10. In your collection of reeds, you still have a few boxes left of "Anton Stadler Viennese Cut #3"
11. You answer most music questions with "listen to the Marcellus recording"
...GBK
|
|
|
|
|
Author: David Spiegelthal ★2017
Date: 2006-10-02 18:10
You start threads like this one on an Internet forum.
|
|
|
|
|
Author: cigleris
Date: 2006-10-02 18:11
When in the middle of a tutti passage, your brain wonders about what you might have for tea, or if it's a concert situation, what pub is everyone going to. All this is happening while your playing everything correctly.
Peter Cigleris
Post Edited (2006-10-02 18:13)
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Bradley
Date: 2006-10-02 18:39
You walk somewhere on the sidewalk and notice yourself counting an imaginary extended rest (really happens to me a lot, except I really haven't been playing too long).
Bradley
"One two three four Two two three four...."
|
|
|
|
|
Author: GBK
Date: 2006-10-02 19:36
Watching a nature documentary on the Moray eel, reminds you about the long lost Morre reed.
Disappointed when you remember that attending an "all you can eat Buffet" has nothing to do with clarinets.
When you haven't yet realized that your chances of playing the Nielsen concerto in public (and getting paid for it) are zero.
...GBK
|
|
|
|
|
Author: tictactux ★2017
Date: 2006-10-02 19:54
> You walk somewhere on the sidewalk and notice yourself counting an
> imaginary extended rest.
Or you notice yourself making irregular steps because of that syncopic passage you're fighting with. One-two-a-three...
--
Ben
|
|
|
|
|
Author: D
Date: 2006-10-02 20:46
you feel pleased when you read down this list and recognise your own behaviour.......it marks you out as a 'proper' player.......
The owner of the local second hand music shop is under strict instruction to ring you when he gets any new music
The guy in Oxfam Books recognises you
The guy in the musical instrument store recognises you despite the fact that you buy almost all your reeds, equipment, music and clarinets on line
|
|
|
|
|
Author: EuGeneSee
Date: 2006-10-02 21:09
You keep a practice clarinet at home, one at work, one at your mother's (or some other relative) house, and carry another in your car. Eu
|
|
|
|
|
Author: johng ★2017
Date: 2006-10-02 21:16
You decide to sell a "Klingon" mouthpiece on an online auction place.
John Gibson, Founder of JB Linear Music, www.music4woodwinds.com
|
|
|
|
|
Author: tictactux ★2017
Date: 2006-10-02 21:17
You decide to bid on a "Klingon" mouthpiece on an online auction place.
--
Ben
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Douglas
Date: 2006-10-02 21:32
You think the only reason cigarette papers are sold is to blot moisture under clarinet pads.
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Neil
Date: 2006-10-02 21:40
"3. You've named your first two children "Mark" and "Charette" "
or your first three:
"Gigliotti"
"Baermann"
"Klosé"
Post Edited (2006-10-03 01:11)
|
|
|
|
|
Author: hans
Date: 2006-10-02 21:48
You name the third kid GBK.
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Clarinetgirl06
Date: 2006-10-02 22:01
1. You name your daughter: Claire Annette
2. You have permanant tone hole indentions on your fingers
3. You clean your clarinet more than you wash your car/dog/children, etc.
4. Someone asks to borrow a swab and you reply, "Which color? I have red, blue, black, tie dyed, purple mountain majesty, magenta, plum, polka dot, striped, checkered...."
5. You have around 40 R13's (GBK!!!!!!!)
6. You have more clarinets than you do fingers.
7. You often use the phrase, "I swear, this will be my last mouthpiece purchase for a very long time."
8. You travel more to clarinet conventions than to visit your family. : (
|
|
|
|
|
Author: EuGeneSee
Date: 2006-10-02 22:13
You have a retired clarinet mouthpiece for a shift knob on your pick'm-up truck. Eu
|
|
|
|
|
Author: jmberch
Date: 2006-10-02 23:10
you read this list and realize you have most of these characteristics
your watching a movie, and your the only one who notices the clarinet solo in the background music =/
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Koo Young Chung
Date: 2006-10-03 01:13
Speaking of Benade,
His book "Fundamentals of Musical Acoustics" is an incredible book.
Arguably the best book about musical instruments.
I strongly recommend this book anyone who wants to understand musical instrument in a scientific way.It's not easy read at all.You need some scientific back ground to fully understand the equations but you can skip some sections if it bores you.
20 yrs ago I met him at his lab and he showed me all kinds of modifications he made to the clarinets and flutes.
One thing I still remember is that he put a small tube(closed at one end) inserted into the barrel and he said the clarinet blows octave overtone not 12th tone.
No one has that kind of vast knowlegde about musical instrument any more.
Sorry for digressing but if you wondering who Benade is....
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Clarinetgirl06
Date: 2006-10-03 01:31
I always hear the clarinet solos in movies! I usually lean over to my friend and whisper: clarinet solo. And they just give me one of those looks of, "Oh my gosh, not this again."
|
|
|
|
|
Author: jmberch
Date: 2006-10-03 01:54
i do it to my family, and they absolutely hate it, lol
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Clariphant in Bb
Date: 2006-10-03 01:57
Instead of sucking through it, you immediately start blowing into the straw when you get a drink... you then wonder why you hear "gurgling."
|
|
|
|
|
Author: bassbuddy
Date: 2006-10-03 02:49
You start jumping up and down when you actually hear a BASS clarinet solo (I sqeal every time I hear Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy)
You can listen to a soundtrack and name every instrument that plays the melody, counter melody, and bass line correctly- which my mom has learned to tune out.
It makes your week when you find out that there's at least one bass clarinet quartet in existence (happened to me today- Edmund Wells, specializes in heavy metal, gospel, and boogie woogie).
You think that 7 years isn't really that long to be playing clarinet, your private lessons teacher can triple that.
Your bass clarinets' names are Humungo, Impostor Humungo, and Pierre (made in France).
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Liquorice
Date: 2006-10-03 07:06
1. You change mouthpieces at least twice during every rehearsal.
2. You catch yourself practising circular breathing every time you drink soda with a straw.
3. I hasn't occured to you that your colleagues aren't really interested in listening to you play excerpts using different barrels to see which one sounds best.
4. You genuinely believe that the exact position of your bell makes a big difference to the overall sound of your calrinet. You've actually marked two different positions on the bell for different styles of music.
5. You know at least 6 different fingerings for low E...
|
|
|
|
|
Author: dgclarinet
Date: 2006-10-03 12:54
...you read that somebody used a retired mouthpiece as a gear shift knob on their pickup truck and wonder why you didn't think of that. And you reason that a retired bass mouthpiece would be more impressive.
|
|
|
|
|
Author: John O'Janpa
Date: 2006-10-03 14:45
You play Bb soprano clarinet, but when the peg on the bass clarinet next to you bites the dust, the bassist asks the director where she can get a neck strap. The director says "Ask John. He has everything." (And you have one.)
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Alseg
Date: 2006-10-03 14:51
Your paper towel holder is a heavy metal plate with a peg on it.....and it says "Blayman."
Former creator of CUSTOM CLARINET TUNING BARRELS by DR. ALLAN SEGAL
-Where the Sound Matters Most(tm)-
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Ken Shaw ★2017
Date: 2006-10-03 16:29
Your old, used reeds take up more space in your closet than your clothes.
|
|
|
|
|
Author: EuGeneSee
Date: 2006-10-03 19:45
You just gotta discuss Benade and "Fundamentals of Musical Acoustics" in this thread . . . and it goes whoooosh right by everybody else who has been playing too long.
You DO NOT own 64 R13's, but you know you will someday.
Post Edited (2006-10-03 20:13)
|
|
|
|
|
Author: jmberch
Date: 2006-10-03 22:33
you really have to think about going to the movies with your friends, or finish practicing for the night
you don't drink or eat anything but water until after you've finished practicing for the day
your band director is helping brass hit a !!C in the staff!! and use the right fingerings...and your practicing your honor band pieces and scales (caught myself doing that today )
Post Edited (2006-10-03 22:34)
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Malcolm Martland
Date: 2006-10-04 09:37
When the sax player asks to borrow a clarinet and you ask him - how many?
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Kruzi
Date: 2006-10-04 10:34
When you desperately try to find out where to order one gallon of bore oil at once.
Take what you`ve got and make the best of it!
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Alseg
Date: 2006-10-04 13:46
Your tobacconist knows your favorite brand is "Humistat."
Your home humidifier nozzle came from a fire truck.
Your CD cabinet shelves are labelled with only 2 categories: "Clarinet" and "Miscellaneuous"
Former creator of CUSTOM CLARINET TUNING BARRELS by DR. ALLAN SEGAL
-Where the Sound Matters Most(tm)-
|
|
|
|
|
Author: EuGeneSee
Date: 2006-10-04 14:29
When listening to the "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" you get real irritated that some nut keeps going ding-ding-ding on a celetsa every time the bass clarinet player takes a breath. Eu
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Bob A
Date: 2006-10-04 20:44
Your dog is named "Sneezy" and your cat is named "Org".
Bob A
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Sean.Perrin
Date: 2006-10-09 01:40
You have a "reed graveyard" in a drawer... and the drawer is full.
When you can see three Eb clarinets from your computer.
When you have perfect pitch... in the key of Bb.
Founder and host of the Clarineat Podcast: http://www.clarineat.com
|
|
|
|
|
Author: 2E
Date: 2006-10-09 10:00
*Going out on the town tonight? ahhh no, sorry. I have to balance my reeds*
HAHA! thats awesome.
You know youve been playing too long when ...
you can recite more than 10 fingerings for high F# from memory
you use the opening of premiere rhapsody to find C using perfect pitch in ur head
you name objects after clarinet acessories (daniels, gonzales, zonda etc)
you have to resort to taking up saxophone cause youve mastered ur licorice stick
2E
Post Edited (2006-10-09 10:06)
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Malcolm Martland
Date: 2006-10-09 13:24
you use clarinet makes and models for passwords on the internet!
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Grant
Date: 2006-10-10 00:00
Great idea Malcolm, coporate told us we need to change passwords every 90 days and I was wondering what to use.
You have played clarinet too long when your right hand thumb is twice as big as you left hand thumb.
Peace on Earth and May You always have a reed that PLAYS.
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Veldeb
Date: 2006-10-10 18:58
When you tell clarinet jokes such as "how many clarinetists does it take to screw in a light bulb" and everyone around you replies "one... but he'll want to go through the whole box first" or you play in a band where everyone has a "Boofay" name:
Swabetta, Corky, Ligatura, Clarion, Shallamoe, Yamahaha, Selmero, Bundee, LaBlanca, Noblay, Daddy Eefer, Grenadillo, Reeda, Rico, and VanAdorn (and not even the sax's find the names funny)
Blake Velde (aka Big Daddy Eefer)
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Lobo
Date: 2006-10-10 19:16
- When you try growing cane in your garden so you can make your own reeds
- When you find yourself fingering difficult passages on the rake handle as you work in the yard
- When you can gauge reed strength with the tip of your finger
- When you find yourself moving your jaw to adjust the tuning of someone your are listening to
- When there is a permanent mouthpiece-shaped indentation in your lower lip
- When a thumb-shaped indentation has been worn into- your register key
- When you can tell the brand of clarinet someone is playing by listening to a recording
- When you read a thread like this and say "Hasn't that happened to everyone?"
You've really been playing too long
- When you can remember being amazed when someone first put a register key on a chalameau
|
|
|
|
|
Author: ajhogan
Date: 2006-10-10 22:22
When you tell a wanted date, "Sorry, I have to go balance my reeds".
When you have 50 different recordings of the Mozart Clarinet Concerto (not including mulitiple recordings by the same artist), and you can tell the difference between all of them.
Austin
|
|
|
|
|
Author: max
Date: 2006-10-10 23:25
You know you have been playing to long when your homepage is Buffet-crampon.com
You know you have been playing to long when you are on a date and instead of paying attention to the conversation, you are going over Motzart's clarinet concerto in your mind.
Buffet Crampon R13
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Cuisleannach
Date: 2006-10-11 02:05
If you have broken the bindings of at least three copies of any two of the following:
Baerman III
Benade's musical acoustics
Rose 32
Rose 40
any work by JeanJean
(Klose doesn't count...you have to break the binding so it'll sit flat)
-Randy
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Rhythmacres
Date: 2006-10-11 02:55
When, as the announcer is bidding adieu to the audience during a 16 bar rest, you fall asleep. You get woken up by the section. (Actually, it was while playing my sax, but that counts, right?)
|
|
|
|
|
Author: SVClarinet09
Date: 2006-10-11 02:56
When you grow your one reed rush.
|
|
|
|
|
Author: diz
Date: 2006-10-11 03:22
GBK: When the fish you adore, is the fish that you love it's a moray ... tish boom
Without music, the world would be grey, very grey.
|
|
|
|
|
Author: GBK
Date: 2006-10-11 03:57
Diz...
You forgot a few famous one:
"Do-Ray-Mi"
"Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat"
"Boogie Woogie Bluegill Boy"
"Where Have All The Flounders Gone?"
"What's It All About, Algae?"
"In Your Oyster Bonnet (With All The Gills Upon It)"
and that famous Bob Hope classic -
"Tanks for the Manta Rays"
...GBK ![[wink]](http://test.woodwind.org/clarinet/BBoard/smileys/smilie3.gif)
|
|
|
|
|
Author: C2thew
Date: 2006-10-11 06:19
when you start playing music off the radio on your clarinet in a matter of seconds; or trying to find the right key that the song is in.
Our inventions are wont to be pretty toys, which distract our attention from serious things. they are but improved means to an unimproved end, an end which was already but too easy to arrive as railroads lead to Boston to New York
-Walden; Henry Thoreau
|
|
|
|
|
Author: 2E
Date: 2006-10-12 03:00
Youve been playing clarinet too long (in one sitting) when ...
You look down and your shoes are submerged in condensation dripping from the bell.
2E
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Sean.Perrin
Date: 2006-10-12 03:06
You've been playing too long (in one sitting) when...
.... There has only been "one sitting", and you are now a professional clarinettist.
... You have no reccolection of ever standing.
Founder and host of the Clarineat Podcast: http://www.clarineat.com
|
|
|
|
|
Author: robertgh
Date: 2006-10-12 03:43
Mozart owes you money.
|
|
|
|
|
Author: diz
Date: 2006-10-13 06:40
GBK you're too funny for colour television.
Without music, the world would be grey, very grey.
|
|
|
|
|
Author: bassbuddy
Date: 2006-10-13 10:53
Spit starts leaking down to the kitchen while you're playing on the top floor.
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Douglas
Date: 2006-10-13 20:28
that supposed photo of Mozart's widow also shows your first clarinet teacher.
|
|
|
|
|
Author: JJAlbrecht
Date: 2006-10-13 21:08
You finally hit the Lotto and the first thing you think of it that you can finally get every clarinet in every key you want.
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Tony Beck
Date: 2006-10-14 02:26
When you hear something good on the radio and have to grab a clarinet to play along.
When you have to decide if the A, Bb or Eb would be best.
When you are traveling, and you still have to decide, because you brought along one in each key, just in case.
When, after picking the proper key, you still have to decide which instrument.
When you just happen to have the music to what's playing on the radio handy.
When you've done all of the above, and the first movement is still playing.
|
|
|
|
|
Author: jmberch
Date: 2006-10-14 20:36
When you are the only one in an honor band audition that plays every scale 3 octaves.
(I just added the last 2 at my most recent audition, and i played them well; i was so happy)
Post Edited (2006-10-14 20:43)
|
|
|
|
|
Author: FDF
Date: 2006-10-14 22:25
When you read all of these explanations and think that they are humorous and you get all of the clarinet jokes, you've been playing too long. Guilty!
|
|
|
|
|
Author: JJAlbrecht
Date: 2006-10-15 01:19
You have no idea of whether you are having a "bad hair day," but the idea of having a "bad reed day" still wakes you up with a cold sweat from a sound sleep .
|
|
|
|
|
Author: 2E
Date: 2006-10-15 01:54
Youve been playing too long when ...
You find your social life is as inconsistent as your box of v12s :p
|
|
|
|
|
Author: OboeAtHeart
Date: 2006-10-16 04:45
You own a metal clarinet and paid to have it restored.
You enjoy playing Eb clarinet and prefer it over soprano Bb.
You own more clarinets than GBK.
You joined chorus to improve your pitch on clarinet.
Your ears ring in Bb after rehearsal.
You have the complete four octaves range on your clarinet. (Possible, but sick - I've only gotten to the D, horn balks miserably after that.)
You like Stravinsky.
You have a copy of Hadcock's "The Working Clarinetist" and a copy of his book for Eb excerpts, and you actually filled out the pitch chart... (These are great books - I love them.)
---
...okay, so some of these aren't funny, lol. :D
*~"The clarinet, though appropriate to the expression of the most poetic ideas and sentiments, is really an epic instrument- the voice of heroic love."~*
|
|
|
|
|
Author: OboeAtHeart
Date: 2006-10-16 04:46
I'll drink to that.
*~"The clarinet, though appropriate to the expression of the most poetic ideas and sentiments, is really an epic instrument- the voice of heroic love."~*
|
|
|
|
|
Author: 2E
Date: 2006-10-16 06:07
Youve been playing too long when ...
You invent your own altissimo fingerings and can now play well past double top D. You have this alternative chart published so that now EVERYONE can play E major 5 octaves :P
2E
|
|
|
|
|
Author: EuGeneSee
Date: 2006-10-16 14:04
You push the upper limit of that chart to the point nobody can hear you play the top note . . . but dogs come running to you from all directions.
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Tony Beck
Date: 2006-10-16 18:31
EuGeneSee, this is actually a very useful talent! When the neighbor's dogs are barking up a storm at midnight, you just take your trusty eefer out back and play Berlioz Hexensabbath up an octave or two.
|
|
|
|
|
Author: EuGeneSee
Date: 2006-10-16 18:51
Tony:
Better yet -- take your horn across town to the house wherein lives that guy you have serious issues with, THEN play up a storm and fill his yard with all the howling dogs in town!! Eu
|
|
|
|
|
Author: Bubalooy
Date: 2006-10-16 19:56
A scale or arpeggio in any key is not more technically difficult than any other, meerly a different combination of fingerings.
|
|
|
|
|
Author: GBK
Date: 2006-10-16 20:02
[ It's been fun and this thread could probably run endlessly, but the time has come to let this one rest - GBK ]
|
|
|
|
|
The Clarinet Pages
|
 |
.jpg){kind=small}
.jpg){kind=small}
.jpg){kind=small}
.jpg){kind=small}
.jpg){kind=small}
.jpg){kind=small}
