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 PANIC!
Author: BlockEyeDan 
Date:   2005-04-19 16:30

Hello all,

I'm writing today in a state of deep despair. You see, my spring recital is this Saturday (Saint-Saens op. 167 Mvt. II; "Take Five" by Brubeck; "Welcome Home Bill Bailey" by Hughie Cannon). Yesterday I was practicing with my accompanist and my instructor was also on hand. I started playing the Saint-Saens and was about 5 bars into it when I suddenly realized that I absolutely DESPISE this piece. I have nothing against the piece personally, but all of a sudden I felt furious that I had allowed my advisor to talk me into performing it. I wanted to do Weber's Variations, which I can play from memory in my sleep, but my advisor pushed me to do something that I was not familiar with. So there I was, playing Saint-Saens, and another realization hit me: it has been 13 years since I've performed at a formal recital. I've done plenty of open-mic funk/dixieland etc. during that time, but this is different. These two thoughts did not sit well with me, and I began to sweat and tremble. Here's where it gets REALLY bad....

Being a very warm spring day, I was sharper than a Henckels knife. My instructor tells me to pull out at the bell and middle joint. I do so, and about 5 seconds later, my lower joint/bell go PLOP! on the asbestos-tiled floor. Anything below a chalumeau A/clarion E was suffocated and strangled. My instructor had her R-13 with her, and I proceeded to use that (I play a 5-year-old E11). Needless to say, it felt totally foreign in my hands, and I mangled the Saint-Saens. The Brubeck and Bill Bailey came out all right, but only because I play those from memory and I like those pieces. But all these events combined to form a downward spiral, and by the end of the rehearsal I was dizzy and hyperventilating....I was practically in tears.

I don't have a back-up horn, and my repairman is out of town until Friday. That is a moot point, however: I don't have the cash to get my clarinet repaired. My instructor is willing to let me borrow her back-up horn (Leblanc). It will take me some time to get used to this clarinet.

In closing, I'm asking for words of reassurance and encouragement. I'm in a very bad place right now, and the thought of Saturday absolutely terrifies me. I've been singing for only 8 months, yet I have zero stage fright when I perform. I've been playing clarinet for 17 years, but the thought of this recital scares the s*** out of me.

Thank you all,
Dan



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 Re: PANIC!
Author: CJB 
Date:   2005-04-19 17:07

Dan

Try not to panic, the damage may not be as bad as it appeared at first.

However, take the opportunity to practise with your instructor's Leblanc, you may surprise yourself how quickly you adapt to it.

If the Saint-Saens is basically secure I would restrict practising it to a couple of run throughs - get used to the instrument on music you enjoy. Base your practising decision though on what you need to do to maximise your chances on Sat.

I know where you are coming from with suddenly taking against a piece you've been told to play. My teacher dictated what pieces I should play for almost every exam I took. Each time I left the exam room thoughts of 'thank goodness that's over' were massively outweighed by 'phew I never have to play xxxx again!'. You are not alone!

Hang in there - good luck for Sat.

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 Re: PANIC!
Author: ron b 
Date:   2005-04-19 17:20


I don't know of anything that's worth the agony you describe, Dan. Especially a recital - which, I believe should be fun and enjoyable...[wow]... I know it sounds trite at this point but, really, my heart goes out to you.

It seems to me you should be calling the shots. After all, it's YOUR recital. If you can do that, and I don't understand why you can't, couldn't you play the numbers you like and feel comfortable with, Weber, Bill Bailey and Take Five? In that case maybe using a somewhat unfamiliar instrument wouldn't be nearly as serious a drawback to a good performance as what you're faced with now.

I also find it odd there's no other tech in town who would be happy to help you out in your situation. Personally, just between you and my (and the worldwide bulletin board), I've done a repair or two just for the pleasure of hearing a great performance....


- r[cool]n b -

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 Re: PANIC!
Author: stevensfo 
Date:   2005-04-19 17:33

Dan,
I agree with CJB. You're getting too stressed. For heaven's sake, you could probably play 'When the Saints' while juggling balls with one hand, and you'd still get a standing ovation. Okay, I agree that's the far end of the spectrum, but the fact is you've practised and practised and become extremely self-critical. Remember, most people probably couldn't tell an oboe from a clarinet. Those that know the piece you're playing will possibly take any slight imperfections as your own interpretation/improvisation.
Just relax and play from the heart. Life's too short to get stressed over this!

CJB,

>I know where you are coming from with .....

I remember the first time I heard this expression: summer 1997. Within six months it was being used all over Britain. There was an interview on the radio where the interviewer caused complete confusion with this. The guy from Israel thought he meant 'because you're from Israel'.
Isn't language fun! ;-)



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 Re: PANIC!
Author: BlockEyeDan 
Date:   2005-04-19 21:24

Thank you all for your input so far....

I picked up my instructor's Leblanc (an L200 from the year I was born--1978). There is buzzing from G/D through C/G. Some pads are neoprene, others are cork, and still others are bladder pads. In addition, the C#/G# key is not 'scooped' like on my Buffet; hence my ring finger touches both this key and the Eb/Bb sliver key above it. This sensation is most disconcerting. The one bright spot is that the altissimo register sounds phenomenal--better than any clarinet I've ever played. That should do me quite well on 'Bill Bailey', as my second run of improvisation will be clarion G and above.

I'm beginning to regain some sense of rationality about my dilemma. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to tune-up this Leblanc to eliminate the buzzing and resistance I get when crossing the break.

Thank you all,
Dan



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 Re: PANIC!
Author: sfalexi 
Date:   2005-04-19 22:01

Just remember. Should you make it as a musician, you won't always be playing pieces you like and not always be playing stuff you're familiar with. You WILL have to play pieces you may loathe and "despise". But you're gonna HAVE to play them to get paid. Consider this a lesson in 'real-world' practicality. Cause if you hate playing unfamiliar, 'bad' pieces, maybe you shouldn't try to make a living out of playing potentially unfamiliar and 'bad' pieces.

As for the horn, that does bite. I'd look into getting a backup horn in the future (for instances JUST like this). I know you can't afford it now, but keep it in mind for when you CAN get one.

Alexi

US Army Japan Band

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 Re: PANIC!
Author: DavidBlumberg 
Date:   2005-04-19 22:55

Hey man, the E-11 does have a different key setup than the R-13!! The key distance is shorter on the E-11 - not the same.

So be aware of that - It won't feel right.



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 Re: PANIC!
Author: Aussiegirl 
Date:   2005-04-19 22:56

I know that by the time i have put a lot of work into a piece it is often ruined for me....my whole year 12 program(including Weber's Fminor 1st mov, 1st mov Malcolm Arnold sonatina, michael garson #2 of the soliloquies) was almost dead by the time i got it to my exam....id learnt it, and then kept playing it so much that i kept making mistakes that i had never made before, which frustrated me so much. If you have been working on the Saint-Saens this is quite possibly whats happened. Take a few big breaths and calm down, then play through it a few times before you recital to get used to the clarinet, but dont overdo it. Hope this helps!
Fiona

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 Re: PANIC!
Author: johng 2017
Date:   2005-04-20 14:29

On the topic of the Saint Saens sonata, I felt that way about it, too. But that was until I heard Harold Wright play it at one of the early clarinet festivals in Denver. In the hands of someone who believed in the piece, it was a fantastic listening experience and I have never looked at the piece the same way since. Mr. Wright played it as the romantic period piece that it is with plenty of rubato and passion.

Maybe when you play it you can project your belief in the piece to the audience. If you don't buy into it, then you will project that to the audience, too - but is that what you want?

John

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 Re: PANIC!
Author: BlockEyeDan 
Date:   2005-04-20 16:51

Update:

I was walking through the halls of our music department last night, when I ran into pretty much the only other practicing clarinetist on campus. She's also performing in this Saturday's recital; she's playing Mozart's quintet. I explained my dilemma to her, and I was pretty much just venting. Out of the blue, she offered me her clarinet! She's using the school's A, so her R-13 has been sitting in her locker for the past few months. After thanking her profusely, I took it into the practice room to give it a whirl.

It's an R-13 from 1966 (serial # 91xxx). I have NEVER played a clarinet that sounded as SWEET as this one! I almost fell over from delight and relief! I recall someone (GBK?) saying that the R-13s from this era were amongst the finest, and from what I've heard so far I can't disagree! Now my main problem is going to be returning this gem when the recital is over. I'd like to thank everybody for their kind words of support. It's funny how things have a way of working outl! Wish me luck!

Thank you all again,
Dan

P.S. sfalexi: if this was a PAID thing, I wouldn't have uttered a peep.



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 Re: PANIC!
Author: DavidBlumberg 
Date:   2005-04-20 18:14

Back in the late 80's I met a girl who had just bought a brand new (well, never played as it was purchased by a dealer who set the instruments aside for years to increase their value) .


It was from 1966 - brand spanking new.



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 Re: PANIC!
Author: 3dogmom 
Date:   2005-04-20 20:01

Now, not to sound like someone's mother, but things have a way of working out. Keep your eye on the big picture, and there's usually a way to get through things, although we sometimes can't see how when we're in the heat of the moment.

As for the Saint-Saens - I agree with someone earlier who said that maybe you've been too immersed in it. There have been other threads discussing this piece. It does have its merits, but right now it seems to be the focus of your discontent. Any chance you could 1)leave it alone for a day or so, and 2) listen to recordings of it by someone you admire? Possibly you could kindle some enthusiasm to go along with your borrowed R13. Good luck.
Sue

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 Re: PANIC!
Author: Synonymous Botch 
Date:   2005-04-20 22:18

Unspent nervous energy must find a release.

A little strenuous exercise may help you burn some off, and get needed rest.

Perhaps you could consider the unpalatable pieces as the price paid to reach the ones you DO like.

As DB and others have said - you will rarely get to choose your charts.

My wife is a performance caliber mezzo, and if she has to slog through another reading of Schubert's "Ave Maria" we're converting...

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 Re: PANIC!
Author: jbutler 2017
Date:   2005-04-21 01:05

B-E-D,

I can relate to the "pressure" that you feel. I went back to grad school (part time) after a 10 yr absence, while doing the band director "thing" and instrument repair. I remember my first grad recital in front of all the other "full timers" and other grad students. I was rather nervous at first, but then realized that they were all "pulling" for me so to speak. They were very gracious with the applause and quite a few compliments afterwards, even though there was a little "improvisation" at the end of one of my pieces when I totally went blank for about eight measures. (I made it fit though!!) Just do your best and have fun with it.

jbutler

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