Author: reprise
Date: 2008-11-03 19:49
Have any of you had professional aspirations and later adjusted to the life of an amateur musician? Has anybody set aside the clarinet for many years and managed to get back to a point of being able to do freelance or other professional playing?
I grew up wanting to be a professional musician -- and had much encouragement from teachers, validation from competition wins, scholarship offers, etc. I got an undergraduate and masters degree in clarinet performance from highly regarded music schools. But, I was then forced to put the instrument aside due to a combination of financial issues and health problems (the latter made focus and practicing virtually impossible).
I stopped playing completely for over a decade. Even when my health returned, it was too emotionally painful to think about trying to play again. My life is a good one. I have a career that pays well, though I don't love it the way I love music. I have a spouse, a house, all that good stuff. But the absence of music is this huge hole. Recently, I've been feeling waves of intense grief over not having continued on that path. (Yes, I have a therapist!)
I've begun playing again and while it's frustrating to see all the ground that I've lost, I am inching back toward the facility that I once had. I've joined a community performing group, too. Yet, I'm having a hard time reconciling myself to performance as an avocation, in community groups that (for obvious reasons) don't come close to the level of the orchestras & bands I used to play with in music school.
I know that it's possible I would never have "made it" as a professional musician, and that even if I did, I'd likely be living a far less financially comfortable life than I am now. But, I also didn't really get the chance to give it a fair shot.
Are any of you in similar situations? Looking for advice, inspiration, consolation... Thanks in advance.
|
|
Keepers
