Author: EEBaum
Date: 2008-11-03 21:40
I came to a couple realizations on my own, somewhat related to what you're going through, that have helped me drop the possibility of "making my living playing for a professional orchestra."
Probably the most critical and hard to swallow is the fact that if you're not doing it, there are hundreds waiting in the wings to do it as well. And, more or less, they'll probably do as good a job at it as you would. "Yes, but that's not me!" you may say. For me, though, it came to a point of "yes, it's not you, but look how much they put into it, and how fragile their situation may be, and how some of them end up finding it a joyless repetitive experience at times."
As a composer, a brief glimpse into the world of film scoring made things like that a LOT easier to cope with. I started out really wanting to do films... this'll be great fun, I thought, and I can have my name on films and go to parties and write really cool music and it'll be fun! Then I got to scoring a couple films and found that I didn't actually like doing it, but somewhat liked having done it; much of it is thankless gruntwork, and most all of it is to someone else's specifications. And I would always hear of people who spend years only doing umpteen Disney sequels and such... the ones who had "made it", and every 10 years or so got to do a project they REALLY WANTED TO DO. And I realized that, if I didn't pursue film scoring as a career path, I could do all sorts of projects I REALLY WANT TO DO right now!
So, in a roundabout way, I came to the conclusion that, while there are big lucrative things in the music field, many are fiercely competitive and require great dedication and endless grunt work and a truckload of luck to even be considered for. Which is not to disparage people who do dedicate themselves to landing a big orchestral gig. I have a great deal of respect for that level of dedication. It just doesn't match my personality. I can only practice excerpts of Daphnis and Midsummer so long before I wonder what else I could be doing with my time. I like to try things that are new and different and weird all the time, and such a single-goal direction makes me feel like I'm missing out.
So I've concluded that if I want to do music my way, I'm going to have to take charge of the circumstances myself and not depend on outside influences to grant me a 1 in 100 (1000?) (10000?) chance at some great musical gig. I've been making plans, and putting some of them into effect, to facilitate just that. I'm applying to grad school for next fall, which would open the door to teaching positions that would keep me surrounded by musicians. I've been in contact with people to form a wind quintet. I'm starting my own business of selling my music and some T-Shirts (if all goes to plan, I'll be a board sponsor soon...). Loftier goals that I've been working on details of include opening a small, casual chamber music hall (that I think could be supported without patrons), and starting a contemporary chamber orchestra.
So there are other things that you can do, without depending on the mainstream classical establishment to provide you with opportunities. Things at a high level of musical quality, things that it's quite possible nobody else is doing. The caveat is that you'll probably have to start it yourself.
I've also come to the realization that there is a great abundance (at least in my area) of people who play at a very high level of musicianship -- who could hold their own in a major orchestra if the chance arose -- that either aren't pursuing the hardcore classical performer career path, or haven't been able to land a gig. Excellent players, with nowhere to play, perhaps playing church gigs and community orchestras to keep their chops up. They're looking for a good, fulfilling ensemble, but most don't even consider the possibility of starting one themselves. If you want to start one, they're ready for you.
As a side note, it was also very helpful for me psychologically to have my own 15 minutes of fame. I conducted the premiere of a piece of mine in Russia last year. Big to do for the local region, had multiple interviews in the papers and local television, reception with University presidents, people recognizing me in the streets. Local celebrity for a few days. Not Dudamel-level international buzz by any means, but it was something. Couple weeks afterwards, I had this great sense of calm, of "OK, that was fun, now I know what that's all about. No need to pursue fame for fame's sake any further. On to making music!"
Until grad school? I'm working as a computer programmer and network administrator for a local software company. Pays the bills, and they've been great about flexible schedules. The biggest thing pushing me to grad school (for composition) is that my musical inspiration and involvement is very closely tied to my being surrounded by musicians, and the absence of such has seen my chops and output decline significantly over recent years, a trend I intend to reverse fully.
So, don't look at what you *could have* done, look at what you still *can* do. If anything the hiatus may have been the push you needed to look at all the possibilities outside the very narrow classical-gig track.
Good luck to you!
-Alex
www.mostlydifferent.com
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