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Klarinet Archive - Posting 000392.txt from 2005/05

From: "Lelia Loban" <>
Subj: [kl] moderation
Date: Wed, 25 May 2005 21:02:22 -0400

Margaret Thornhill wrote:
> In my opinion, it's time this list had a moderator.
> The purpose of a moderator is to call an end to off-topic strands or
> delete flames that have gotten out of control.

When Klarinet did spin off a moderated list, it died from disuse. Gosh,
with a moderator, I'd have missed snorting lemonade out my nose, when Robin
wrote, re. Tony Pay,

> Are you really an educated person? Do you
> even play clarinet????

I hope we can all turn down the laugh track now, though, instead of making
it too uncomfortable for Robin to stay here, because I'm sure I'm not the
only one on this list who's written a message or three revealing my own
ignorance over the years. If everybody who's written something ridiculous
got laughed off the list, not too many would be left. Okay, Robin, there's
no such thing as a stupid question, but now that you know (or at least have
access to the information if you want to know) why Tony's well respected
and well-liked here, please don't get so defensive that you keep on
escalating the rhetoric and making matters worse.

Lelia Loban
"The one duty we owe to history is to rewrite it."
--Oscar Wilde, in "The Critic as Artist"
[No, I don't believe that, but it's a hell of a clever phrase.]

P. S. Hey, this is Dick Vigorous, borrowin Lelia's brain fer a minute here,
since she ain't usin it. wrote,
>Ps. More cats and rats! they make me smile when I most need to.

an wrote,
>>Amen to that!
>>Dick V., where are you?

Well, hey, that's nice of ya. Thanks! See, see, I always thought that
them what plays clarinets would like rats, cuz we sure do like you!
Specially we like ya when ya squeaks! I like a nice loud squeak the best
of all, but I'll settle fer hearin anythin on a clarinet, especially

(Yeah, that's right, fer them what don't know it already, I'm a rat, a
dirty rat -- if any of ya got a problem with that, ya can go boil
yerselfs.) What I wanna know, is Robin a bird? Cuz there's a cat lurkin
aroun the list an maybe youse an her could fight. That's all a cat's good
fer if ya ask me. I wanna watch. Ain't nearly enough fights on this list.
Hey, it wasn't me what just said birdbrain. It was the cat. (Whatsat I
heard just now? Did the birdie say Shadow Cat ain't nothin but a hairball?)

If ya wanna fight, though -- not some sissy e-mail word fight but a real
good fight with rollin over an over an bitin each other hard -- then what
we need is some gangs. Ya wanna know bout gangs, ya gotta watch them
gangster movies Lelia watches, with James Cagney an Edward G. Robinson, my
heroes, yeah. I got me a Oak Street Rat Mob all organized good, like them
Chicago mobs inna old days. My rats make fifteen pounds of whup-ass when
ya git us all together. We had us a little social down at the drain pipe
last night when it was rainin.

Gang of em from a block over, they come in here lookin to score some fresh
fat redbud seeds still inna baby pod. They was gonna wait until Lelia was
practicin clarinet an we was all up inna attic groovin on the squeaks.
Then the Spring Street rats was gonna sneak in my territory when we wasn't
payin attention. Well, nuts to that! Lemme tell ya, the redbud trees in
this yard belongs to me an my gang, see? If I let em poach redbud seeds
now, then we'll be fightin em all year as the other stuff starts settin
seeds an fruits. Some birds an squirrels an a few bugs that's my allies an
lookouts, I give em some nice gifts, but nobody else don't mess with my
territory. If ya want a nice tomato hornworm breakfast this summer, ya
gotta come to me. That's the deal. So we sacrificed listenin to Lelia
squeak an we laid in wait an took care of business, an guess what, a couple
of em rats from the Spring Street Mob, they got their selfs drowned inna
storm drain somehow, heh heh heh, an a owl took em home fer dinner an I
don't mean as guests.

See, ya humans is losin yer killer ape instincts, tryin to make all
nicey-nice. It ain't yer nature, admit it. Yer more like rats than ya
wanna know. What ya do is, ya could have a Buffet gang an a Selmer gang an
a Yamaha gang an a Leblanc gang. Don't go wallopin each other with yer
clarinets, though, cuz ya might break em. Put the screech-sticks somewhere
safe an hit widda cases, see. Swing em by the handles. Bop! Whap! This
e-mail word insultin, this is just silly. Sneak up an clobber em with a
contrabass case, that'll get em.

Yers truly,
Dick Vigorous, Boss of Oak Street

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