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Klarinet Archive - Posting 000878.txt from 2004/10

From: "dnleeson" <>
Subj: [kl] Not sure if this is a joke or something serious -- Man sues Selmer for a lousy love life
Date: Fri, 29 Oct 2004 09:13:35 -0400

Broken Newz - Saxophonist Remains Dateless, Sues Instrument

Ames, Iowa - Mulford A. Barlow, an accountant for the
Schneidemann Meat Packing Company and an amateur saxophonist, is
suing the Selmer Musical Instrument Corporation for an
undisclosed sum of money for what he is terming "gross violations
of an implied contract."

Mr. Barlow's attorney, noted civil rights lawyer Ron Kuby,
alleges in papers filed today with the 2nd Circuit Court of
Central Iowa that "in their glamorous print advertisements that
feature beautiful women gazing longingly at men playing the
saxophone, the Selmer Corporation creates the expectation that
all one has to do to gain favor with said beautiful women is to
purchase and learn how to play one of their extremely expensive
saxophones. After spending more than $6000 on a Selmer Mark VI Eb
Alto Saxophone and assorted accessories, as well as two years'
worth of private lessons, my client, Mr. Barlow, is no closer to
going on his first date than the day he passed his CPA exam."

Saxophonists around the world have rallied to Mr. Barlow's cause.
David Sanborn and Branford Marsalis have organized "Sax Appeal,"
a 12-hour live telethon that will raise money to help defray Mr.
Barlow's legal costs and will air on the Fox and ABC networks
next Saturday starting at 8pm/7pm Central.

Especially noteworthy is former President Bill Clinton's offer to
testify on Barlow's behalf as an expert witness on the
unrealistic sexual expectations placed upon saxophonists. "We're
all victims of a sax-drenched society," said the former President
during a meeting of the Renaissance Society at Hedonism II in
Kingston, Jamaica. "TV, radio, movies, video games. It's nothing
but sax, sax, sax."

For his part, Mr. Barlow is said to have become disillusioned
with the saxophone and is giving it up in order to concentrate on
the accordion. "There are some hot babes who go every week to
Polka Night at the local Moose
Lodge," said Mr. Barlow from his bachelor pad in his mother's
house. "Who knows, I just might get lucky."

Dan Leeson

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