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Klarinet Archive - Posting 000107.txt from 2003/10

From: "Patricia A. Smith" <>
Subj: [kl] OT: Uncommon knowledge about clarinets
Date: Mon, 6 Oct 2003 09:52:43 -0400

Sometimes, you do some little thing for entertainment, and you get
really weirded out:

I went to the following site:
and played their little game.

Computer wins.
/You were thinking of a clarinet./ (Now THIS got my attention! I don't
know how it could get this from the info given)

Is it shiny? You said Irrelevant, I say Yes.
(I suspect that the computer may be programmed to interpret answers of
"irrelevant" as possible Yes. Additionally, it asked if the object was
in use 100 years ago - something that did NOT come up in the print out
cited below)

Is it made of metal? You said Irrelevant, I say Probably.

Does it move air? You said No, I say Yes. (Now, I tend to nitpick as
much as any computer. The clarinet doesn't move the air when I play;
*I* DO! Or is this a subject for an entirely new, on-topic thread: do
we actively move the air, or do we only provide the initial impetus?
Next on Dr. Phil)

Contradictions Detected
It does not matter if our answers disagree, as over time the game will
change its answers to reflect common knowledge. If you feel that the
game is in error, the only way to fix it is to play again. (Yeah,
right. I think my time is better spent practicing and finding cheaper

Similar Objects
a viola, bongo drums, a head (cranium), a French horn, a chess set, a
mandolin, a violin, a femur, an autoharp, a fluegelhorn, a digital
camera, an oboe (wood wind). (femur, autoharp and digital camera???? A
CRANIUM?>???? this is beginning to worry me)

Uncommon Knowledge about a clarinet

Does it get wet? I say Yes. (true - inside it does when played)

Is it useful? I say No. (depends upon whom has one)
Does it like to run? I say Probably. (I've never seen a clarinet with
legs! However, I'm a young 45 years old. Perhaps some folks who've
been around a bit longer... ;-)

Can it climb? I say Probably. (Say WHAT? 8-O

Can you blow it up? I say Yes. (Blowing INTO it is one thing; however,
lining one with explosives is something I don't recommend, unless it's
one of those cheap Chinese imports)

Does it have seeds? I say Yes. (Seeds? All right folks, it's clarinet
planting time! Especially at the Greenline factory!)

Is it a synthetic material? I say Yes. (can be...)

Is it crunchy? I say Probably. (Are you REALLY REALLY hungry? Are your
RATS really really hungry?)

Can you jump on it? I say Probably. (Now, I've been SORELY tempted.
David Niethamer can attest to this, especially, say, oh about twenty
years ago when I was first learning the Copland Concerto!)

Do you chew it? I say Yes. (I've been known to chew a few reeds; tasty!~)

Does it have bumpy skin? I say Yes. (nothing a little SuperSlick can't fix)

Will it eat almost anything? I say Yes. (Open come the Legeres!)

Would you eat it? I say Yes. (Delicious, baked with bore oil and a nice
thick swab at 375 for about 15 minutes...or when the flames get about
knee high)

Does it have a pointed snout? I say Yes. (and all that time, I thought
that was a mouthpiece)

Can it affect you(cause an effect to you)? I say Doubtful. (And all
this time I was blaming the clarinet for my asthma, my recurring sinus
infections, mental illness, and Iraq's lost WoMD...back to the drawing

Is it tall? I say Yes. (okay,... where are you guys hiding that Contra?)

I know...time to get back to practicing...
enough computing.

Patricia Smith

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